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Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ILUser07, Jan 26, 2018.

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  1. Jan 26, 2018 #1
    ILUser07

    ILUser07 Silver IL'ite

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    To be precise about my MIL, she is ... i dont know how to describe her. She can think about anything and everything so negatively that I wonder how can one even think like that. I will go straight to the point that is bothering me.
    We tried to have a baby for 6 yrs and finally had to go IVF due to male infertility. My husband was so depressed before I conceived that he cried many times to his parents that I am not able to conceive because of him. And we agreed to keep IVF a secret knowing my MIL nature as she can't keep a secret and she might even end up doing experiments on my baby to see how IVF babies are different that normal ones. I am not kidding OK.
    After I had baby, she is so curious to know how I had baby. We tried to avoid the topic but she kept asking me when my Dh is not around. I told that we used some ayurveda medicine and it worked.
    After a year, she asked me if i used contraceptive pills all these years without my DH knowledge and I stopped using and conceived. She tells there is nothing wrong with my DH. What the hell??
    I had to undergo hell lot of procedures without having any issue and the one with the problem just came his semen sample. I am already pissed off of how this medical field is just not addressing the issue. and upon that she is blaming me for the delay. Damn.. only i know how much i wished to have kids but never showed it as my DH would feel bad.

    Now the issue is, my DH is pushing me for second baby which will be frozen embriyo transfer. I want a second kid too as i know the lonely feeling of being a single child. But I want my DH to tell in laws about this procedure. How do I tell him. Even if I tell MIL comment, he will say "you know how she is" and ignore me. But I really want them to know.
     
    ILUser07, Jan 26, 2018
    ILUser07, Jan 26, 2018
    #1
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  2. Jan 26, 2018 #2
    Endlesshope

    Endlesshope Platinum IL'ite

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    Why ?? Why and how does it matter how one has a child ?
    If you think this would be a blow to her in someway you are very wrong !!
     
    Endlesshope, Jan 26, 2018
    Endlesshope, Jan 26, 2018
    #2
  3. Jan 26, 2018 #3
    priyajagadeesh

    priyajagadeesh Senior IL'ite

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    I would advice you to not tell about IVF to MIL, I think your dh have a valid reason to not tell knowing her nature. And honestly do you think your life will be any better if MIL knows what you had to go thru to get baby? Please do not give much importance to MIL words ( IGNORE!!!).

    Mama you have been thru a lot of hardships and are so stressed. Try to relax and think about how lucky you and dh are to have a baby, and now you have a chance of having 2nd one. Many women would die to be in your place.

    All the Best and have a wonderful Life mama.
     
    priyajagadeesh, Jan 26, 2018
    priyajagadeesh, Jan 26, 2018
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    Rihana likes this.
  4. Jan 26, 2018 #4
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    For explaining how, when, where, why of second conception to MIL, skip the ayurveda angle, get more modern. I would offer some possible responses, but might get kicked out of IL. And that'd be such a shame. A crying shame.

    Ma'am, such harsh words for the very medical field that helped you guys have a baby?

    What exactly is the medical field not addressing? Did the doctors keep doing tests on you without even examining your husband?

    Rather than telling them, work on creating a total ban on such discussions of very private matters. Each time the topic comes up, say something short and brief. "Ask your son" is one simple enough response that can be delivered in so many ways.
     
    Rihana, Jan 26, 2018
    Rihana, Jan 26, 2018
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  5. Jan 26, 2018 #5
    Sandycandy

    Sandycandy IL Hall of Fame

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    All Indian MIL’s believe that their sons sperms swim faster than Michael Phelps. They will never understand if one tells them that a swimming instructor had to be hired instead. Only the DIL can have problems .Tell her that her grandkids are the fruits of your prayer to Fertility Devi and there’s some chance she might believe that.
    Just kidding , use the “ask your Suputra” line as suggested by Rihana .
     
    Sandycandy, Jan 26, 2018
    Sandycandy, Jan 26, 2018
    #5
    madras2018, icanniwill, abla and 9 others like this.
  6. Jan 26, 2018 #6
    Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    You nailed it !! I am lolling literally over ' prayers to fertility Devi '!

    Op,
    MIL's can drive you crazy with this subject ! Get your DH involved . Talk to him about these and let him handle the situation. Clearly avoid this topic with her.
     
    Archanaanchan, Jan 26, 2018
    Archanaanchan, Jan 26, 2018
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    shravs3 and Sandycandy like this.
  7. Jan 26, 2018 #7
    ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    This looks like a power game to me. That you want to strongly prove that it's all "her son's" fault.

    Even if you take your husband out of this quotient, there's a risk of "your children" getting treated differently considering they were conceived through ivf n she may start blaming that for every short fall or make them sound like a robot or a science experiment.

    If you are ready to face that, then go ahead.

    For every parents, their daughters n their son's are perfect, the problem is only with their spouses n not their own - this is the common mentality n your mil is doing the same thing.

    If you start competing for every harsh words that comes out of her mouth, you can never live in peace.

    So make your choices n make peace with it.
     
    ashneys, Jan 26, 2018
    ashneys, Jan 26, 2018
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    sangeethakripa and Rihana like this.
  8. Jan 26, 2018 #8
    September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    This is a private matter! Why is this up for discussion with you MIL? Let her think whatever, you are NOT responsible for her opinion. It’s better that she doesn’t know, look at the evidence you provided! Experiments! Damn! Do you really want her to say to all family “ Their children are IVF because my DIL has a problem” She said nothing is wrong with her son after HE himself admitted it to her??? Seriously?
    It’s creepy, why would she know about his semen......
    Keep your fertility issues between you and your DH. Tell him to do the same. Implement boundaries....family meddles too much!
     
    September2015, Jan 26, 2018
    September2015, Jan 26, 2018
    #8
    abla, BhumiBabe and Rihana like this.
  9. Jan 26, 2018 #9
    mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    Your MIL is getting what she wanted. Just have a flow chart in your head in case if you tell her. If you think you are going to get badge of honor you are in for a shock. Don't do this to your DH. You are spoiling relationship with someone who is going to travel longer with you for short term satisfaction which would be forgotten.
     
    mangaii, Jan 26, 2018
    mangaii, Jan 26, 2018
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  10. Jan 26, 2018 #10
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...you should have dealt with the situation with your mil only. When she asked you if you have been using contraceptive all this while...you should have looked at her and told her...."how dare you say something like that when we have been struggling so hard for this. Don't you ever talk like this ever again."
    If your husband objected...you could tell him to FO.

    Now you don't spoil your relations with husband .
    I understand you want your pain and struggle to be acknowledged specially when the mil is making such statements.
    Let it go...tell her to talk to her son. Your husband can tell her to stop hurting you because you had to undergo so much pain and suffering to have the child. No need to mention ivf or anything else.

    You are right about only women having to suffer in the procedure.
    It is true. There is no other way.Unfortunately we are the more complex bodies but we get to have the pleasure of carrying our precious baby .
    Even in normal conceptions...only women have to bear the pain of labor and other pregnancy related stuff.Men get to have this part easier.

    Cheer up and prepare happily for the second baby.
    Tell husband you will not tolerate nonsense from mil and you will give her back real good this time. Let him know his mother is his responsibility to manage. How he does is his business as long as the interfering witch stays away from you.

    Best wishes for a happy pregnancy.
     
    yellowmango, Jan 26, 2018
    yellowmango, Jan 26, 2018
    #10
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