Bed Time For Your 4 Yr Old

sanjuruby3 · Jan 5, 2018

HI,

What time your toddler sleeps at night? I wonder where mine gets her energy from. Some days she won't sleep in afternoons. We get excited, oh..wow she will sleep early tonight but no....
She will sleep early ( like 30 mins may be) but have a power nap and again get up to eat our brains. We getting all ready to loosen ourselves, watching movie or something, my chores all pending and she wakes up, I feel so frustated that she won't go to sleep again in 5- 10 mins but another 2 hrs.

Other days also, she will keep singing or playing in bed, I want this or that, but won' t sleep. Person who is sleeping her can not get up for a minute to go bathroom or get water. She will immediately sit and own eyes, waiting if that person is coming back in seconds else start screaming.
What to do man... Her hyper enegertic attitude is draining our energies. No matter how many stories we tell.

I feel like crying, its 12 o clock at night and she is still up.
First dad takes her to bed, but he gets frustated and shouts comes out in 1 hr. My turn. I go in and I get frustated in next hour as she keeps asking her dad as he shows her rhymes in bed, and I see my kitchen/dishes/next morning food prep waiting. So again dad's turn since she wants dad. Dad comes and finally with rhymes also, if good day she sleeps else another frustation cycle.
We can not sleep till she sleeps. Our chores are not decided till she sleeps. We do not get any decompress time. I do not find any me time to look into some skill enhancement or job searching or study myself something. By 11 or 12, what energies I am left with to study something. Only I can catch some episode for 15 mins before my brain stops listening completely.

I have heard class buddies who snooze at 8 straight and highly discplined. Morning she won' t wake up without rhymes etc because she sleeps that late. TV all the time. She irritates us so much that she gets what she wants. May be she is little bit scared of me but then dad is there to spoil her.

Sandycandy · Jan 5, 2018

One of my nieces is very similar to your daughter, very high energy .So no TV or IPad for her after 7.00 p.m . Dinner by 8 latest and she is put to bed with the lights off. If you indulge , talk or play nursery rhymes she will be very active and not sleep. Stay with her for 30 mins max and then come out of the room. She might cry initially but don’t budge. Whatever happens stick to the schedule. Show her you are the boss and in charge . Good luck !

sanjuruby3 · Jan 5, 2018

Oh.,,...when I come out of room, she cries, cries and then follows. I go down for a min, to pick something, like warming milk etc, I tell her I will be back in a min etc, she will come out of room and stand near stairs and start coming down if i wait more.

So leave her does not work :-(
Funny is when I ask her to do some chore, like pick toys or cleanup or write something, I am very tired, my hands are hurting , I am sleepy etc.

Other issue is, sometimes she sleeps and we leave the room but she wakes up sometime later if we are not there. Even morning starts with crying since we wake up before her and leave her. Similar is afternoon naps at home. What is she scared of, I do not know.
Year ago, when we lived in 1 floor apartment, she was okay, and would go to sleep by herself in our bedroom. Now, in home, in our bedroom, even if we work next room on same level, she won'nt like that.

Sandycandy · Jan 5, 2018

Night lights ? Stars on the celining thingy ?

sanjuruby3 said: ↑

Oh.,,...when I come out of room, she cries, cries and then follows. I go down for a min, to pick something, like warming milk etc, I tell her I will be back in a min etc, she will come out of room and stand near stairs and start coming down if i wait more.

So leave her does not work :-(
Funny is when I ask her to do some chore, like pick toys or cleanup or write something, I am very tired, my hands are hurting , I am sleepy etc.

Other issue is, sometimes she sleeps and we leave the room but she wakes up sometime later if we are not there. Even morning starts with crying since we wake up before her and leave her. Similar is afternoon naps at home. What is she scared of, I do not know.
Year ago, when we lived in 1 floor apartment, she was okay, and would go to sleep by herself in our bedroom. Now, in home, in our bedroom, even if we work next room on same level, she won'nt like that.
Click to expand...

ashneys · Jan 5, 2018

sanjuruby3 said: ↑

Oh.,,...when I come out of room, she cries, cries and then follows. I go down for a min, to pick something, like warming milk etc, I tell her I will be back in a min etc, she will come out of room and stand near stairs and start coming down if i wait more.

So leave her does not work :-(
Funny is when I ask her to do some chore, like pick toys or cleanup or write something, I am very tired, my hands are hurting , I am sleepy etc.

Other issue is, sometimes she sleeps and we leave the room but she wakes up sometime later if we are not there. Even morning starts with crying since we wake up before her and leave her. Similar is afternoon naps at home. What is she scared of, I do not know.
Year ago, when we lived in 1 floor apartment, she was okay, and would go to sleep by herself in our bedroom. Now, in home, in our bedroom, even if we work next room on same level, she won'nt like that.
Click to expand...

She is testing her boundaries. Crying is a tool they use, when I was trying to make my son sleep on his own bed, which was right next to our own bed, it was chaotic.

I read online for some help n it said, when you try to train them on something, first you need to prep yourself.

First day, they will cry for hours.
Day 2: it decreases by 10% from first day
Day 3, 4, 5 - keeps getting decreased by 10% every day
Eventually by day 10 or two weeks, you can achieve what you want.

BUT, if you give in any day in between, the whole clock resets, n the next day is Day 1 again.

All this hard work for 10 days will reap benefits in long term.

They will also keep trying to test their boundaries in between as well, stand firm.

I can vouch this works as it really, really helped me. N I did achieve it. N slowly he started to go to sleep on his own at the right time n now some years later, he goes to sleep on his own, in his own room which we setup the way he wanted. But it all started there.

You can't do this alone, your husband needs to be ready as well. Even if he doesn't help it's fine, but if he gets frustrated n gives into her cry, everything goes for a total loss n starts all over again. I had a similar issue with my dh too n had to kick him.

Make her do chores around the house along with you. If she complains, she should be go to bed immediately. Cut off gadget / tv time 2 hours prior to sleeping, no playing, entertaining. Tell her you have work, you can't be lying with her all the time. Start setting boundaries slowly, be firm or you will never get / have any control over your own life.

One of my friends daughter is 12-13, n she's still going through this n she's so frustrated that she wants to just put her in a boarding school. You won't believe how spoiled the daughter is, its frustrating to even see it. The daughter controls everything, they basically have no life as she decides where to go or what to do or else her cries n tantrums will tear your ear drums. She still has to be fed n put to sleep by my friend. She won't even let them pose for one pic as a couple or do anything as a couple. It's only about I n me for the daughter. Don't let it get to this. It's easier to train when young.

According to me no kid is a bad / difficult kid, everything depends on their surroundings n the way they are raised.

Try if reward system works for her too, just
Make sure it's reasonable.

fourthaugust · Jan 5, 2018

Though every child is different. I would like to share how I handled my kid. At 4years old, my kid will have his supper by 7 o'clock in the evening. Will play or read something till eight o clock and off to bed. Initially he fought against it.cried gave idiotic reasons like why he doesn't want to sleep this early. But we persisted. It never change since then. After a month or so we sent him to sleep alone. He will just be told to go to the bed though he still makes faces and whines , he sleeps within 15 minutes. That's how his routine been since 1.5 years.
He sleeps for good 11hours and does not sleep in the after noon. I think they need to get really bored in order to sleep properly. Like switch off the lights no talking, nobody is moving. Once they are fast sleep the activities can be resumed. Once they get used to of it , it will be really easy to pit them down to sleep.

sanjuruby3 · Jan 5, 2018

fourthaugust said: ↑

Though every child is different. I would like to share how I handled my kid. At 4years old, my kid will have his supper by 7 o'clock in the evening. Will play or read something till eight o clock and off to bed. Initially he fought against it.cried gave idiotic reasons like why he doesn't want to sleep this early. But we persisted. It never change since then. After a month or so we sent him to sleep alone. He will just be told to go to the bed though he still makes faces and whines , he sleeps within 15 minutes. That's how his routine been since 1.5 years.
He sleeps for good 11hours and does not sleep in the after noon. I think they need to get really bored in order to sleep properly. Like switch off the lights no talking, nobody is moving. Once they are fast sleep the activities can be resumed. Once they get used to of it , it will be really easy to pit them down to sleep.
Click to expand...

ashneys said: ↑

She is testing her boundaries. Crying is a tool they use, when I was trying to make my son sleep on his own bed, which was right next to our own bed, it was chaotic.

I read online for some help n it said, when you try to train them on something, first you need to prep yourself.

First day, they will cry for hours.
Day 2: it decreases by 10% from first day
Day 3, 4, 5 - keeps getting decreased by 10% every day
Eventually by day 10 or two weeks, you can achieve what you want.

BUT, if you give in any day in between, the whole clock resets, n the next day is Day 1 again.

All this hard work for 10 days will reap benefits in long term.

They will also keep trying to test their boundaries in between as well, stand firm.

I can vouch this works as it really, really helped me. N I did achieve it. N slowly he started to go to sleep on his own at the right time n now some years later, he goes to sleep on his own, in his own room which we setup the way he wanted. But it all started there.

You can't do this alone, your husband needs to be ready as well. Even if he doesn't help it's fine, but if he gets frustrated n gives into her cry, everything goes for a total loss n starts all over again. I had a similar issue with my dh too n had to kick him.

Make her do chores around the house along with you. If she complains, she should be go to bed immediately. Cut off gadget / tv time 2 hours prior to sleeping, no playing, entertaining. Tell her you have work, you can't be lying with her all the time. Start setting boundaries slowly, be firm or you will never get / have any control over your own life.

One of my friends daughter is 12-13, n she's still going through this n she's so frustrated that she wants to just put her in a boarding school. You won't believe how spoiled the daughter is, its frustrating to even see it. The daughter controls everything, they basically have no life as she decides where to go or what to do or else her cries n tantrums will tear your ear drums. She still has to be fed n put to sleep by my friend. She won't even let them pose for one pic as a couple or do anything as a couple. It's only about I n me for the daughter. Don't let it get to this. It's easier to train when young.

According to me no kid is a bad / difficult kid, everything depends on their surroundings n the way they are raised.

Try if reward system works for her too, just
Make sure it's reasonable.
Click to expand...

Exactly, my kid won't let us do anything as a couple. Photo or sitting together ( me & H) in front of TV or him holding my hand or around shoulder for anything ,..may be crying etc, she gets insecure. H feels proud that she loves him. Bascially she goes where she gets what she wants. I have no problems with that. Only that I feel it demotivating many times to discpline her or teach her.

We turn off everything completely, so she sleeps on time , we get up to resume our work and go downstairs, she senses that she is alone and starts screaming and comes downstairs.Won't sleep alone in our room. She knows we will come back eventually.

Deepthiprush · Jan 5, 2018

My son is 4 year old. He can sleep by 9pm. However, if he will wake up (say around 10:30pm) he will not sleep on his own.So, I bring him downstairs (we have bedroom upstairs) and make him sleep on sofa while I do my cleaning. We don't have tv and if we are watching any video on phone or laptop we use headphones, so noise will not interrupt the kids sleep. But I do cleaning in Kitchen and other noises are ok. I will also keep a bedsheet on him while sleeping on sofa. You can try this way, because sometimes sleep till 1 or 2am in the night. I will take him upstairs while going for sleep.

saps105 · Jan 6, 2018

My DD was exactly the same at that age. So I do understand how difficult it is for you. Its really frustrating for us parents when kids don't sleep.

As other posters have mentioned give her an early dinner. Since she is not keen on a nap in the afternoon don't insist on it. Take her out to play for an hour or two where she gets to burn all those energy. give her a bath and give her dinner before 8. no screen times after 7. Don't give her sugary/sweet things in the evening. sweets keeps their energy high i guess.

when you and your H take turns to get her to sleep she knows you are going to go away after she sleeps. That's why she keeps waking up or takes time to sleep. She is insecured /scared to be left alone. while your hubby reads to her finish your kitchen chores and come join them. both of you lie down with her to sleep. Switch off all the lights. Give her the impression that you both are also going to sleep with her. She needs to get the secured feeling that you are done with your work and both her parents are sleeping with her and won't leave her after she sleeps.

Don't let her sleep in the afternoon. So the Early to bed early to rise pattern can be set. Follow this pattern for a few days. Do try this may or may not work. after she sleeps you can move to your free time. hope this works for you. good luck.

sanjuruby3 · Jan 6, 2018

saps105 said: ↑

My DD was exactly the same at that age. So I do understand how difficult it is for you. Its really frustrating for us parents when kids don't sleep.

As other posters have mentioned give her an early dinner. Since she is not keen on a nap in the afternoon don't insist on it. Take her out to play for an hour or two where she gets to burn all those energy. give her a bath and give her dinner before 8. no screen times after 7. Don't give her sugary/sweet things in the evening. sweets keeps their energy high i guess.

when you and your H take turns to get her to sleep she knows you are going to go away after she sleeps. That's why she keeps waking up or takes time to sleep. She is insecured /scared to be left alone. while your hubby reads to her finish your kitchen chores and come join them. both of you lie down with her to sleep. Switch off all the lights. Give her the impression that you both are also going to sleep with her. She needs to get the secured feeling that you are done with your work and both her parents are sleeping with her and won't leave her after she sleeps.

Don't let her sleep in the afternoon. So the Early to bed early to rise pattern can be set. Follow this pattern for a few days. Do try this may or may not work. after she sleeps you can move to your free time. hope this works for you. good luck.
Click to expand...

Thank you guys. I know we need to set our habits right too.
So we switch onlt in frustation when 1 person spends 1 hr in bed doing nothing, waiting for her to go down. Another problem is with my H, he can not stay without browsing and that tiny light from cellphone is very disturbing. I keep telling him but he is a guy and never listen. He has to fail badly to learn a lesson and sometimes its late then.

Sugary things - Yes I need to avoid sugar for her. I do not give her as such but she will keep finding and wanting to wat. She wont eat sweet things much but when i say no, she has to.
We eat dinner by 7 pm. I read her story sometimes, she is tired then she starts asking her dad, my dad, my dad, my dad. I start getting irritated already. She won't sleep in living room herself w/o tV on.
First TV is always on in living room. Then if she comes down, she wants TV. Then lights on may not let her sleep. Sometimes I feel like she literally wants to kill me. She gets so much of screaming from both of us.
In India she wont sleep by 10/11 I do not bother much. Because its not always us, taking care of her and need to power off, caring mode. But here, I feel pressurized when both of these come home. Then winter/not going outside makes things worse.