Unable To Move On From The Past...

I hope so. There are so many habits and values we pick up from our parents, and I am afraid that the ways that I have to change to stay sane, will set a bad example to him. In many ways, I have compromised on my conscious effort to truly give each person attention when they need it, because now I have realized that the people near to me (H and PIL) will take advantage.

To @cutepoojitha - Forgiving others is not really for their benefit but for your's. Have you heard of the adage "forgive or forget"? You could forgive your Inlaws for their mistreatment, but you don't need to forget it. Know that it's all they are capable of doing, and that you cannot trust them in a situation where you need help, but it doesn't mean that you need to compromise your own good spirit and happiness. When you have to deal with them, accept them as they are and what they did. Treat them with the respect you have for a stranger/acquaintance - you would not be openly mean to a stranger. It is when you feel like they have a greater hold in your life, you will be bothered by their actions.

 

Haha ! Love that idea ! Next time make a snow man / woman and aim at it. Ofcourse make sure no ones watching .We don't have snow , so will make do with dart boards

 

I Dont agree. you dont have any duties towards them

 

Welcome to the club, Rohini. The only requirement is that your IL's have to hate you. We meet every summer for dartboard practice at my place and snow ball throwing at @Deborah 's place . I make customised dartboards with IL pics ( SIL and BIL included )

 

Add me too. I got 3 pics

 

Haha sure !

 

you said it so beautifully in simple words. thank you. That is the spirit. if this trend continues, in India too the day will not be far off when couples say to each other " YOUR CHILDREN & MY CHILDREN ARE PLAYING WITH OUR CHILDREN."
PS. MAY I invite you to induslady snippets links appended below:
http://indusladies.com/community/threads/pregnant-facts-preponderance-prognostication.304051/

http://indusladies.com/community/threads/a-date-with-mangalsutra-thirumangalyam.303906/

http://indusladies.com/community/threads/saffron-wonder.303715/

http://indusladies.com/community/threads/carry-on-but-never-hurry-or-worry.304001/

Ba Ba Ba Ba Baby Shower Turned Borrowed Shower

 

this is akin to practices in Japanese Industry. to vent your anguish, there is a separate lounge with effigies of supervisors manager et al and during lunch hour worker can go and hit his boss effigy to whom he could not reply back .

 

My goodness. I could not bear what you did, I only bore 4.5 years of torture I removed myself from contact with them completely. No phone calls either, I blocked them on WhatsApp. There was much fights after that with DH but I stood firm and we fight considerably less now. We also live in USA. They cause so much problems between us. We are 5 years married now and just before our anniversary I spent it crying my eyes out when he told me he could not be happy if I didn't talk to his parents. It was the most cowardly thing he has ever said to me since I've known him. I told him, sell his business, give me papers and move back with your parents and live with them till you die. He stood silent. He doesn't like living in India that is why he came to USA. He took it back as the way I cried was as if someone died. He claims he didn't mean it but I know he did. In fact it was true I felt my marriage is dead. How can a man subject his wife to mental abuse like this. Being an amazing DIL is not enough they want a doormat where they can wipe their feet and feel guilt free when they financially abuse their son.
I agree with you forgiveness is mandatory---for YOUR sake so that you can move forward. That is what I want to do too. I just won't permit them to use my husband as their lawyer/microphone anymore to torture me constantly micro-managing and criticizing how I mingle.
He can talk to his parents yet.... took new decisions like telling them not to call on New Years as he felt I would reject the call! Course when I asked what happend he lied about it and made me look horrible as I have never rejected a call on New Years? As they call EVERY year! They blame me for that I am sure. It's frustrating when a wife's needs are not anticipated, I feel as if he chooses not to know me at all. They didn't call on our Anniversary and now they may think I told him to tell them not to call US when in fact I don't want them calling ME. He probably took another decision that just made matters worse so much so that just 9 days earlier before our Anniversary I was speaking to my only SIL I had called for her birthday and she is who I remained in contact with after I cut contact with their parents and other sister (leech)
Now, For the first time EVER she did not call nor even text me wishes for our anniversary. Now I see her true nature too when she even admitted her own family treats her like an outsider she sided with them anyway. I won't be the same with her if she ever contacts me again (hopefully not) I sent a message on Nov 3 and she has not replied since before our anniversary. I suspected this would happen she was only in touch with me as she wanted me to help her with her work project again. Good I did not do so, she had the nerve to even ask a favor when she called to say sorry for the loss of my Uncle...that was the first call of the year asking me " Are you better now?" "Are you over it?" WTH is 2 mo enough time to get over the DEATH of a family member you've known for years??? Very insensitive.
My husband broke my confidence and told her about the death when I told him not to especially after my first experience---them laughing on the phone when they were saying sorry for the loss of my grandfather who died in 2014... "Don't think about those things" WTH my grandfather just dies and SIL said that? (It was around New Years so they called drunk, my husband forced me to talk to them, yet when they suffered a loss they rejected my call when I called what hypocrisy.) Also rude SIL didn't even call she just sent a text for my Grandfather's death and my DH was angry but wouldn't even show to me right away---even then always protecting their "honor" ? He didn't even show her that he was angry that she sent a text for a death.
I told him I couldn't go through that again and he just gave into pressure just because SIL pressured him with questions SMH. And she along with the rest of the family had cut me off for 2 years after their rude daughter stayed with us when we were not even married 1 year (for 3 weeks of hell) they came to know we didn't get along and till this day my husband makes excuses for them cutting me off saying they did not and that they were worried only about rude SIL. More than 5 excuses given in 5 years of marriage he still doesn't know the reasons for them cutting me off lol and at this point I don't care. I was hurt and I healed myself with the help of Christ.
At this point (and that is not even all that I suffered) I don't care what they think of me, I will try to make my marriage work. But if it fails it will be because of him not because I didn't do everything possible to make it work. I was good, kind, patient, adjusting, and all for nothing when I came to know a secret he had been keeping from me last December my suspicions were correct about how horrible his family is and he didn't tell me because THIS he anticipated: that I wouldn't be friendly to them had I known what they did to him. I feel so used and cheated all my efforts were in vain---and it's pathetic that my husband still cares about their feelings even when they did the worst thing they could possibly do to their son. They sacrificed him to "help" their rude leech pet daughter is all I can say about it here. Awful Awful people.