Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

Looks like a power and control issue to me.

I suspect OP's husband is well aware of the dangers of leaving his child's welfare in the hands of his family. And he is likely also very aware of OP's fears. He is using her fears to manipulate her. He doesn't want her to enjoy her visit with her family and has thrown down the gauntlet. She will have to give in to his demands and spend time with her ILs instead of enjoying the wedding in her family. Or she'll let him take the child and spend the time at the wedding stressed out and worried. Either way, he will have effectively ruined the trip for her. For the OP, this is a lose-lose situation.

How far would her ILs go to ruin her time with her family? Would they be crazy enough to manufacture an emergency so she has to leave the wedding and race to her child? I don't know. But I know I wouldn't call their bluff. There's too much at stake.

Any time a child is used as a pawn, a responsible, caring parent has no choice other than to back down.

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From the way she discribed the dangers in the in laws home in the subsequent posts,no child should be allowed there with or without mother.

A grandmother who makes a small child sit on the terrace wall is irresponsible and dangerous and does not deserve to have small children with her unsupervised.

 

I guess. People get married for many reason, but I think most women get married to men for more than the dollar signs. I think they see that there is compatibility and a good life for them and their children - be it through financial or social/community success. A financially stable man is generally the requirement because only they can handle the burden of taking care of a wife when she may not be able to work (like postpartum and early childhood). While we hope to fight gender roles, they exist because there are specific things that are required for balance in the family environment. Even in same-sex marriages, one of the partners takes a lead in the male/female role.

Men do have the choice to work or not, if they have the right connections. Historically, before social media and such, women were married to men that may not hold steady jobs, just because they have a good family or potential or property, or etc. There are marriages that fail (yet people continue to stay married), where the husband does not work and had 8 children. Who feeds these 8 children? The wife does. And women who end up in such a fate are pitied, yet dismissed because it's their destiny to marry a man who cannot take care of his wife.

If you go with the historic institute of marriage, the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker. Nothing wrong with that. Those two are actual FULL-TIME jobs. The amount a work a woman does from morning to night is endless, whether they are paid or not. Now, in recent time, we have modern technology available, making it possible for woman to also enter the workforce. But this doesn't make things equitable. Cooking, keeping house, and childcare are still traditionally part of a woman's role, on top of the expectation of working full-time. This is not just an Indian thing, this is a worldwide dilemma.

I might have digressed, but what I am trying to say is that the men that view women in dollar signs, see only the benefits of having a wife in monetary terms. A wife is more than that. A Hindu (and Christian) marriage, expects the husband to provide for his wife. Of course the wife is also expected to take care of her husband. A wife also cares for the family, that is ALSO her contribution, not just the money.

 

Wow! Is this reply a defense of the profession coming from an insider in disguise ?

Are we implying that the expert doctors can exempt themselves from professionalism & punctuality merely on grounds of their expertise & superior knowledge? Also , are we also implying that the person designing the questionnaire is inferior in position to the so called world class, expert doctor? Wow, lick the boots really??

Moved here from original post..not sure if shd be gabfest..or other forum..

 

No, that's my irritation showing, at over-engineered, fake QC 'systems'.

 

Strangely took me back to history books and the caste system prevalent in India

 

Sadly, I might know more about Christian marriages than Hindu marriages (since we never get to understand what we are agreeing to). At each of the 7 steps, each person promises something positive to their spouse, because after all, it's a partnership. If people were expected to know what they were promising, I think there would be less marriages happening. The kanyadaan concept is clearly outdated and needs to be taken out. Most families use it to make the girl's side pay for the wedding.