Need Honest Opinions

Hi Valli mam,

The moment a grown up son or daughter fights with their parents for their hard earned money, they lose all respect in my view..whatever you give them is a gift and not their right. I am glad you stood strong and did not let your emotions change your decision..
I just wanted to reinforce what others have said, you are not selfish.. you have done your part, brought up and educated your son.. now he has to take care of his family, he can ask you for help but not demand that your entire life should be about them..hopefully with time they will realize their mistake.

 

Dear @Valli1964 ,

So sorry to hear how this has progressed. But, as someone who's around your son's age, I don't think you're in any way at fault. You have done everything and more you can for your son and daughter in-law. It seems pretty evident that they're milking this relationship for their own interests, maybe your daughter in-law is the instigator.. but your son seems a willing participant nevertheless. Whatever you do, please don't give into their emotional blackmail and sell your assets. At this stage, you and your husband are financially comfortable enough to have a roof over your heads and enough savings to live a good enough life without depending on anyone and that is not to be taken lightly in this day and age. By dangling the carrot that is your grandchild they hope to coerce you into doing what is best for them, they get to live with you and therefore access to free babysitting while also receiving rent from their apartment.

 

Dear Valli1964,
In current times, more than anything only money speaks even so, it is truly shocking that your son can go to this extent in being selfish and not realising what you have done for him. I do not count your DIL in this , because she is not emotionally bound to you and can be excused for wanting the best out of a situation. Whatever may be the situation, even if it is at the cost of not being able to see your granddaughter upclose, it is essential that you both do not bend to their demands. You have planned and built up a nest and they have no right to tell you how to manage your finances and place of stay etc. It is good that you have left it to them to decide how the child is to be looked after. They cannot hool your granddaughter as a bait to get what they want from you. It is fortunate that your husband is on the same page with you. Nothing else matters!

 

Hugs dear, it must be quite hurting to hear such words from your children. It is good that you are grounded, please take some time to deal with your emotions.

And, please do not leave your house. As we grow older , our memories become more important and I dont thing you will feel at home in any other place. Just out of curiosity, will the duplex he proposed be in your name ? Anyways let your DH let your son, he cannot sell the house his parents have lived in, he is sentimentally attached to this house and will never let it go . Actually it would make sense for your son to sell his apartment as apartment values dont appreciate as much as a landed house, and he buys a duplex with that money + bank loan. That way you will always have a house of your own. What is his hurry, after your lifetime , it is going to him/his children.
I dont understand their logic of how living together is going to make things smoother between you all? Both you and they will need space, especially any such arguments will make you feel suffocated.

In ways I am sad to hear your story. Just reminds me take nothing for granted. Nothing.

 

OP, wow your daughter in law and son are pschycos...son is weird with no respect for his mom and dil is screaming at u despite u taking care of their child..if my fiance/ future hubby shouted at his mom, i would be terribly terribly upset...respect on both sides is very imp....n i went to best schools in US n raised in US...

.i see many nasty indian in laws but there r some nasty indian DILs as well...ur DIL is nasty..ask ur son n dil to hire a nanny...they r just nasty !!

n ur DIL is very weird/ mental psycho to suggest that u shud just go on pilgrimage n not be enjoying ur life with ur hubby romantically....hope u understand what i m trying to say ...is she from some village or small town in India who thinks that romance ends in 30s....yes, it might for some whose libido dies in 30s may be becoz of their poor body image or health issues while for people who r physically fit and have good body image , it doesn't end even in 60s !!

stop catering to ur weird son and dil !!..they seem to be weird n nasty !!

n be careful with ur assets...i read an article where in India, a son and his wife severly abused and starved the old mother to death after getting the property forcefully in their name !!..whats the point of having a son like this .....i Hope God helps the people who need his help !

 

@Valli1964 ..You are not selfish . You have done your part . Now it's their turn .They should learn to take care of them . Don't think much about them and don't make any calls. If they are calling and yelling at you tell them to stop and follow some manners .

You make your part clear and let them decide what they want. They are just trying to emotionally black mail you with the grand kid. Don't bend too much .Be strong and give them time . You guys take a break. They will realise what they are missing soon.

Definitely plan for your old age days else they will make you pay for all these !!

 

Sorry to say this to a mother... Your son is being extremely selfish and manipulative. Don't fall to the trap of buying a new duplex and staying all together.

 

@Valli1964 , Amma..
You have so nice and an ideal MIL, but all I see is your son and DIL are interested only on the money.
Never ever sell the landed house, because now you can't rebuy. Also secure the FD s in your name and your DH name. Give nominees to yourselves.
Your DIL doesn't like you, may be she is comparing you and her mom
Why her mom can't take care of the child?
One month you and alternative months her mom. Till the kid hits play school.
Sorry to bother you with my story
I had to live with my PIL when I was newly married abousuletly no privacy nothing...Mil wanted all my n my DH salary.. lots went for 9 months, I urged my DH buy a flat, we bought in outskirts with huge loan and only my savings as intial amount. DH dint have single rupee, soon I was expecting a child I would travel in cab..My mom took care of me...Then after my maternity leave, I continued to live my parents till my DH got on-site roughly 2.4 yrs.
Now I feel sorry for mom, though they were willing to take care my kid, I literally forced them because of my home loan I had to work.
My mil never ever said she would look after my kid not even for a single day. Not they asked how will you manage loan.
During my sister's wedding also my mom would carry my kid to all places to keep invitation, marriage shopping...
So please don't let yourself feel guilty...
Be strong, say you can't give money as I educated you, my job over.
Both of you earning, that's enough for you.we too earned and saved like that.
Your handling well. Your DIL will know pain
Only if her mom taunts her.
Ask her both mom's baby sitting for alternate months.

 

I wish if I can like it few more times. So apt advice.