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Estranged Sibling - How To Move On

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Meghaa, Dec 20, 2016.

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  1. Mar 23, 2017 #21
    Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Saw some of his friend's post pics from his son's birthday party....:expressionless:
    I hope whatever he gained by hurting me so much was worth it :unamused:
     
    Meghaa, Mar 23, 2017
    Meghaa, Mar 23, 2017
    #21
  2. Mar 25, 2017 #22
    Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    I cant stop thinking of him and his family .
    Wonder about the nephew I dont even see pictures of :(
    All this does is cause me sadness and resentment and frustration - how do I make this stop?:coldsweat::cry::fearful:
    I dont want this negativity in my body/head
     
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2017
    Meghaa, Mar 25, 2017
    Meghaa, Mar 25, 2017
    #22
  3. Apr 3, 2017 #23
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Where did you see this at? FB? Unfollow
    and unfriend his friends.

    He's always been this way. It's not you it's him. Who knows why he is the way he is.

    Girl - he does what he does. Then he enjoys his life. The only person impacted us you. Does his behavior impact him in any form or fashion? No? He still gets to celebrate birthdays have friends over and have fun. Take a page from his behavior. You celebrate what you have with your friends. You live your life to the fullest and see how that works for you. One of the ways to let go of someone is to give yourself some importance. Your happiness shouldn't depend on anyone.

    Think about it.
     
    Laks09, Apr 3, 2017
    Laks09, Apr 3, 2017
    #23
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  4. Apr 3, 2017 #24
    Meghaa

    Meghaa Silver IL'ite

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    Makes sense, In fact thats what I would have said if anyone came to me with the same problem.
    But knowing/making sense and being actually able to forget/not feel the way we feel are different things :|
    Its like you lost someone you love. you know they are not coming back ,, but you are sad anyway.. I guess it takes time to get used to it.

    I wish I had given up sooner...much sooner
     
    Meghaa, Apr 3, 2017
    Meghaa, Apr 3, 2017
    #24
  5. Apr 3, 2017 #25
    Vennella

    Vennella Gold IL'ite

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    Megha

    I can understand some part of your suffering. Though not completely estranged, I have had these experiences with siblings. There is just no rationale to it. I was surprised when one sibling who was behaving quite erratic and on being confronted, lashed out at me, saying I was the golden child and they the neglected one. I was completely shocked. First of all, I don't for one second agree that I got any preference. But that is the foundation the other person built our relationship on. And I got to know this after we both got to be in our 20's.
    So it can not be anything you actually did. Even I tell myself "forget and move on" but I always feel a pang when I see loving siblings. But that's life.
     
    Vennella, Apr 3, 2017
    Vennella, Apr 3, 2017
    #25
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  6. Apr 3, 2017 #26
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    First of all, I've not been there with a sibling. That family not being family anymore is probably going to take a long time to get used to.

    From experience, I can tell you this. This shouldn't effect your other relationships. Eventually it will. All those days and all that energy I spent in crying over all the people who are not here for me made me overlook the ones that have always been there for me. After a while, I started sensing that connection with DH getting strained because of all the things I had no control over. Work on the people and relationships that you have today. You have already put in effort there, what more is there to do?

    Eventually negative thoughts started affecting my physical health. I had to go to a therapist and learn some coping mechanisms. I had to take care of my physical well being to be there for my DH and kids. Your body has been through a lot physically and emotionally. You are probably at your weakest emotionally. In time, it won't be this hard. Until then please try and look at the positives. I'm sure there are people who are there for you. It's never a replacement for your brother but it's something that you have.

    If it was me, I would have then wondered if I could have given it another try. Now you know you did your 100%.

    I'm sorry this is happening to you. I hope you find some reprieve from the pain.
     
    Laks09, Apr 3, 2017
    Laks09, Apr 3, 2017
    #26
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