Financial Help To Inlaws

Tell him it's time for him to make sacrifices for his wife and future kids.

 

One size does not fit for all.
In general it is the children's responsibility to take care of their parents financial needs, along with their other needs.
Due to the present life style, not all the children could stay with parents to take care of them physically. So the ones who stay far away for their personal reasons extend a little more financial helps to compensate the lack of physical care.
The ones who stay with parents or live in the very close proximity to reach out to the parents take primary physical and emotional care of the parents.
It should be a mutual arrangement concerning to all the parties.

Parents means the parents of the guy and girl. So, there is nothing like only the guy's side of the parents are offered financial or physical helps, whereas the girl's side of the parents are left to handle their problems on their own. That is not fair.

At the same time, the income earner gets the upper hand on spending. That is a general observation.
If you and your spouse are earning, and your income are almost the same, then make a % from both of your income to spend on your extended families (to both sets of parents).
Likewise, make efforts to visit both parents and spend time with both families in an equal manner.

It hurts when you are not spending anything on your parents while your H is spending something in his. The % or the amount is not the problem, but the very attitude of sharing with just one side makes the trouble.

% and the amount becomes the problem when sharing becomes too much, thus it affects your life style. That's when you need to be tricky and make clever investments/budget, so that a big portion of both of your income retains within your family. So, your H has only so much to share with his extended family.

 

In my case, my husband's entire salary goes to his parents and in turn they spend for my sister in law. They think it is their right to get his salary. They don't even seem to understand that we need to have separate savings. I have started to save only from last few months after I came to my place for delivery. DH also seems to not understand this concept. He tells me that whatever he earns is for his parents and sister. My earnings are for my daughter and our personal expenses.

 

The Indian culture has in-bred us with taking care of our parents when we come of age. And it is a beautiful thing. There is nothing wrong in helping those who have taken care of us as kids and raised us and spent all their earnings just to make us happy. However, one should also ensure that all the members of the family including spouse and kids are doing as well and helping parents does not take away from their wants and needs.

 

@Elsa, whatever is spent by your inlaws, is not gonna come back, so you have to get over with it. Now look towards future. keep on discussing with you husband about your worry and plans about saving for kids education and retirement. dont mention money spent/sent on his parents. Let him decide how he wants to balance saving for kids/retirement/contingency and spending on parent's luxury.

 

W

Why do you let him do that? Ask him if he is fine with you sending all your earnings to your parents?

Ask him what is his contribution towards your family? if he is not contributing towards the finances then he should do all household work.stop doing work at home.Let the guy earn his stay and food by doing all the work at home.

Third option is for you to invest in some property in your name so that most of the money is tied up in EMIs .Ask him to contribute towards household expenses.

Frankly speaking , I don' t understand how independent working women like you are so willing to take ****
from your husband.I guess you love him too much and Don't want to spoil this lovely life you have.Let me take a guess......you are the one who does all the work at home too.

You won't change anything by not confronting him.Ask him if he married you for your pay check only.

 

This is so true. Sometimes we may have to keep quiet for sake of family and kids. We live in USA and have 2 kids. Both are working full time. My husband sent all my earnings every month to his parents for about 5 years and said they are going to invest and get us a property and we can have the rents. But now they are saying-out of the rents , they are not going to share single penny and spending on their daughters or at least not giving any clue what is done with that lump sum money every month. I am usually a frank and friendly person, i asked my MIL to save 50% of it for my son's future education, her reply was very rude. Not sure if i asked for something senseless. My husband is totally fine with this and when i bring him this topic , he feels as if i am humiliating him and his parents. He never allows me to share any money with my parents (of course, they are not expecting any from me/ self sufficient) and keeps an eye on every penny i am spending on myself and my kids.

Not sure how same person can treat people in 2 different angles.