First Big Fight..first Anniversary..plz Advice :(

@desigirl1 looks like typical petty squabbles. I think you and your husband will be alright though. Each just needs to understand and get used to the other's idiosyncracies. You both will get through this just fine.

Incidentally, I am a bit fussy about things too...eg the table i get seated at a restaurant, the room i select at a hotel, seat in an airplane, planning trips in a specific organized manner etc. Some of us are just that way Including men. It is perfectly ok.

Goodluck.

 

She is just in the first year of marriage. Unless one's spouse wants nothing to do with his parents, you can’t ignore your in-laws. Central to managing your in-laws is managing your emotions. Your most important relationship is with your husband. You could tolerate a great deal from your in-laws, or from almost any other person, if only things were right with your husband.

 

@desigirl1 from your latest post, I gather that he loves you but he doesn't know how to get through to you. It sounds as if he has been keeping his feelings bottled up over the last year and is really bumbling around trying to open up. It is quite a common problem for two people living together.

Work on your communication. Just listen to him without reacting or justifying yourself. Think about stuff from his perspective. or even better, assure him you love him and think he is an amazing husband; however you are worried he has not been sharing his feelings with you; you'd like to straighten it all out; could you get some marital counselling just to figure out better communication? or pick up one of the many self help books for couples communication and go through it together.

Working out strategies now will help a great deal in the long run.

 

Ok, ok that makes sense!

After all, even books like How to Win Friends and Influence People recommends getting along with in-laws...

 

Am I the only one that thinks that maybe OP's husband is maybe trying to pull a surprise on her?! Maybe he wants to plan a surprise trip

 

Vacation or no vacation, please try to spend as much good time with your husband as you can on your wedding anniversary. It is in your hands to make the most of the day.

 

I suggest you let other things take a backseat and prioritise your studies and career.. there will be many more anniversaries in life, when you can enjoy. My genuine suggestion about going the family way, don't think about it till you have a stable career. You have a long life ahead of you. Don't waste your time thinking and cribbing about what you did not get. Be grateful about what you have and how many places you have visited. There are people who don't get to celebrate even a single anniversary. You are blessed to have a loving hubby. We see many people on IL who are not in talking terms with their spouse. Don't let such petty issues ruin your happy married life. Life is too short to waste time for all this. Cherish what you have. Happy anniversary in advance.

 

OP, is this an arranged marriage? You have only been married for a year and it takes time for the relationship to build. I am married for close to 10 years and even now I get really surprised at times at some of the things mine says and does.

Tread carefully. You are setting a dangerous tone here. My way or highway is not going to work; at least not for long as you can clearly see. A phone call to india on anniversary may take 2 mins. You want to go during Christmas (peak period) to avoid that 2 min phone call?

Generally when we plan for vacations, we always plan in a way where we can spend less and get the same amount of fun. But then, we have so many financial responsibilities now. Have you considered that maybe he is unable to afford that vacation during Christmas? Some guys dont discuss financial difficulties with their spouses.

Ask him if he is against celebration or if he is against a trip. From what you say, he is against a trip. Take this as an important lesson to discuss your future trips without throwing in meaningless ultimatums.

For all you know, he may come around....I am suggesting this compromise based on solely what you have written about your husband. I know this s not what you wanted to hear, but this is what I feel.

And seriously, there are so many ways to celebrate the first wedding anniversary. Ask us for suggestions and we will blow your mind off

 

Hey OP,

Your posts remind me of my behaviour a few years ago. The dynamics of a marriage is always set in the first years. From your posts ingather that you are newly married and so far your husband has been indulgent. He seems to be loving too.

My H was similar to your H. Very indulgent and caring. The result was i became pampared and behaved childishly. He soon took on the "parent role" like yours seems to be doing. Correcting my mistakes, trying to teach me lesson became a part of my daily routine before i could understand what was happening.

Trust me, i am paying for it even now. He is too scared even now. Acc to him, i cant make a good decision on my own.

It doesn't matter that i have been working for the past 8 years, am a manager, have two kids, manage house and everything....he still thinks i am not grown up and still thinks of him as a teacher.

I suggest you to stop throwing tantrums now. I know Anniversary is a big deal but trust me there are other ways of celebrating it.

First, try and talk to him about why he is saying no. Dont let him get away with to teach you a lesson. Now that hes come and says yes to trip but he is not much interested in it, dont force into anything.

When you are planning next time, for a moment try and understand his issues also and plan accordingly.

Meanwhile work on your relationship. Ask him aboit his office at the end of day. Offer suggestions were you think necessary. Involve him in your studies. Basically act and behave like adult. If things don't work in your way, try and talk about it.than not talking and trying to move away. Let me tell you that a fight gets resolved only when you talk, not when you ignore it.

Once you start doing all this, he will slowly understand that you are a partner not a child, so you don't need lessons on life!

Wish you luck sister!

 

Good, practical advice.