How I Deal With This

Apparently your sister has some problem within her home itself. I get a hint from your latest post that she is unhappy about her skin colour, and the comparison made between the two of you might be really bothering her. She is yet to grow mature and this is perhaps the most tender age for such problems.
Perhaps, knowingly or unknowingly your parents/relatives could pass comments about her skin color, appearance etc and link that with her future marriage.
How about her life otherwise? Being introvert itself is a red flag, specially at this age.
May be she lacks self esteem.
How about her close friends?

She comfortably shows her anger and frustration on you guys, as she has no other means to relieve her stress. But she is not behaving normal.
Unless and until you treat the root cause of her problem, nothing could change her

 

You should take your sisiter to a doctor.Maybe she is suffering from depression or bipolar disorder

 

There is a problem definitely.I have a case in our family.My eldest sister, now 92 has two sons and three daughters and the youngest one is more or less of the same temperament from age 15.Earlier it was considered as the attitude of the youngest brought up with all favours in the family.She is a post graduate working in a senior management position in a bank.Highly intelligent always topped the class and University.She is married to an officer in a bank.She is not gifted with children.
You can see her always shouting with all her brothers and sisters.Somehow she does not shout at her husband .
My sister has built 5 flats in her land and has gifted to all children.All live in the same building.This girl behaves as an uneducated slum dweller;throws garbage from her window; finds an opportunity to quarrel.Now she has taken control of my sister
Don't sit this way,that way, lie down in proper position;hold the phone in a particular angle;my 92 year old sister is in night mare.She is blackmailed for simple things;presses her neck;sometimes too much caring,sometimes too aggressive.One of her sisters and brother's wife have vacated the flat and have gone to live separately.This girl bosses over the tenants, switches the motor just 20 mts and shouts at the tenants or their servants.Behaves like a Hitler MIL to everyone.
She has appointed a servant maid to look after my sister.those maids are unable to stand the torture.
She is very efficient in her office,termed as tuff and disciplined mistress.
We have tried all the methods-care,tear, soft and tuff.We could not make her visit a psychiatrist or counsellor.She is making everybody lose their cool .My sister weeps in her absence.When she goes to office she just locks my sister keeping food etc on the table.Calling bell has been made dysfunctional. Even if we want to visit my sister in her absence, my sister has no keys.All the windows are closed with glass doors and mosquito mesh.The other sister who is staying 4 kms away wanted to take her mother.She is just retired and looking after her grand daughter.This girl is stubbornly refusing to send the mother.She imposes a condition that she would send her mother only if her sister sends away her son, DIL and the child from home and keeps her mother alone.
She talks to me heaping lot of complaints about everybody in the world and as if she alone is the best daughter in the world.
We don't know how to deal with this.All our efforts proved futile.The condition is becoming worse.She is 59 and is about to retire within a year.She is branded a 'Raakshasi' by all the relatives.
Whether this is an attitude, or something wrong in bringing up? It is an ordinary middle class family and she is not extravagant also;sometimes too stingy beyond imagination.Having brought up all five children,four are ok.My sister does not know what has gone wrong. According to this girl,r, there is no good soul except her and because she is too plain and does not know to pretend like her siblings every one has some wrong opinion and one day they would understand her.
I have tried my level best but miserably failed.Now everybody has started hating her and try to get isolated .Any idea that is not liked by her, she would simply blast one to pieces.
Poor sister,now she is under her care.
In fact myself and my husband invited my sister to come and stay with us.
She started shouting at both of us" you want to murder my mother and take away all the jewels she is wearing.Get away from here'.My husband is a calm person.He simply kept quiet and walked away.
We are ashamed to be a silent witness .But what to do?

Jayasala 42

 

Hey OP,

You cant deal with your sister alone to change her. You need to involve your parents also. Deny her the only thing which matters - stop talking to her the next time she yells. You and your parents should not talk to her until she apologises for her behaviour.

You need to strict in not talking at all until she understands that she has hurt the other person's feelings.

Explain it to your parents about the importance of this. Parents have the heart to forgive everything that kids do but not inlaws or husband.

Sometimes a person might seem to be fine when talking but we never know what they are thinking. Your sister seems to have been hiding her emotions very well. All this talk of taking an injection and dying any moment shows emotionally weak person - a person who is suffering. Try and reach out to her to know whats bothering her.

 

Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

There are four basic types of bipolar disorder; all of them involve clear changes in mood, energy, and activity levels. These moods range from periods of extremely “up,” elated, and energized behavior (known as manic episodes) to very sad, “down,” or hopeless periods (known as depressive episodes). Less severe manic periods are known as hypomanic episodes.

Signs and Symptoms
People with bipolar disorder experience periods of unusually intense emotion, changes in sleep patterns and activity levels, and unusual behaviors. These distinct periods are called “mood episodes.” Mood episodes are drastically different from the moods and behaviors that are typical for the person. Extreme changes in energy, activity, and sleep go along with mood episodes.

@Attitudematters-i don't comment superficially on any thread.If i could not fathom the depth of the problem in the thread,then i don't comment at all.

 

A few things about bipolar disorder: (speaking from personal experience and a little professional guidance )
---------------------------------------
- Bipolar disorder is usually genetic. Its very likely that a person suffering from bipolar disorder has a parent or grandparent who suffered from the same.
- Stress triggers an episode in affected people usually. Doesn't mean that that person should be labelled. And the stress will be triggered because of irregular sleep patterns and taking responsibility for too many things than what one can handle.
- A person who is depressed or who really has a disorder will not like it when someone tells them they are depressed or they have a disorder. That will trigger a new episode. Exercise and dietary changes will help. Usually such people cannot handle caffeine. Caffeine will take their energy-levels to a out of control level at times.
- The IQ of people with bipolar disorder will usually be off the charts. A lot of famous personalities have suffered from several metal illnesses including bipolar disorder. TG for Issac Newton! With proper guidance and care, such people can handle their lives well.
- Bipolar disorder falls within a spectrum. It is not a disease and the severity can vary one person to another.

There is nothing to be frowned upon when one is diagnosed with depression or a mental illness. Everyone is depressed about a thing or two how much ever we accomplish in our lives. We all can be called mentally ill in certain ways.

 

Past few years back I analyzed some surrounding situations and came to conclusion that like physically nobody is really fit in all levels (including allergies or resistance to frequent coughs,colds fevers to chronic conditions, means physical body not always "charged and ready to go") similarly mental health related also nobody is really fit and able to handle any kind of situations. (stress, anxiety, constant thinking which are mostly imaginary because of our fears or past experiences, even 7 hours per day, if we think writing some program, is it a stress on mind, the mind won't stop thinking some time, even when we sleep, isn't it bad thing? and doing some harm to our mental health?)
Like we have physical trainer in gym, we also constantly need some guidance on mental health also to keep it sane, like counselor help or strong family support and who cares you (may be here I am mixing emotional health but isn't related to mental health also), or something else like meditation to keep our brain safe.

 

Yes, I agree with Kashmir flower. Every one in the world has got both physical and emotional problems. Meditation classes are an effective solution for stress . stress for ur sister is may be due to her studies. She gets angry for small reasons only because of the stress. She is lucky to get parents and sister like u all. She will understand u all one day

 

Slowly reduce the pampering/importance towards her. Sudden change can drive to new emotional issues.

Limited help, control over expenditures, be rigid at her screams/arrogance.