Is That All He Has To Offer?

Beijee · Oct 28, 2016

memine said: ↑

Long story short. Married for 13 years, 2 kids. Supposedly living the great NRI life here. Not much interference from IL's. Distant politeness. The problems, if any, is between us alone, or maybe in my mind alone.

DH - good provider. Never stops me from spending anything, or planning a vacation. Holding onto a job whether he likes it or not. I make some money of my own too, but it is 1/5th of his. Kids doing great at school. No problems there. Social events, religious get togethers, kids classes, home parties, calls to India, relatives: check, check, check, we do it all correct.

Inside our bedroom is a different story. No *** for the past few years. All started bcos of a chronic health problem of DH, he couldn't perform, took medicines to improve performance, led to more problems, stopped that, and then stopped trying. I accepted it as it is. End of *** life? Fine. But nothing can stop, a hug, a kiss, just graze my shoulder? But no.
Will stand with hands around shoulder for pics. That is the max physical contact I have been blessed for the past years. I sometimes try to initiate, turns away and sleeps. Am I fat? (Yes) Am I stinky? (No) Am I so repulsive? (Now I wonder)

Will not do anything official for me: processing my documents, booking vacations. Nothing. You want it, you do it, I will come - is what he says. Often says in friend's houses, he is just the driver in this house. Said as a joke, but hurts.

Hates social media. Will not allow me to post his pics or our pics. Once I commented on something he wrote, he flipped, and gave up all his accounts.

Works alone, mostly from home. Zero circle from office, some acquaintances from temple. Will behave great with them.

Spends his free time texting his people a thousand msgs - parents, sis, old school friends. From politics, to old memories to recording song bits, and comments on their clothes, and all. I've never got a single text from him.

Cant even remember if he ever paid me a compliment. And God knows I deserve it. In fact, I need it. A 1000 likes of strangers cannot replace what I'm looking from him. I ask if I look good after dressing up, he says, yeah. One word dropped between us.

Am an amazing cook and baker. Forget appreciation, will not acknowledge.

Have great writing skills - "Okay, I guess you went to a good elementary school."

Am the lead in my community, organizing potlucks, lunch outs, ladies day outs - "You probably do it for your own show off"

Straw which broke the camel's back - Walked in yesterday, glanced at something amazing I made, and walked away. I asked him if he noticed it. He said yes. Didn't u feel like saying something about it? No, I thought I will tell later. One word, "Wow" or even "you made it?" would have been enough for me.
Said, "its not a big deal, I would anyway eat it." Anyone would eat it, what I want is acknowledgment of my time, effort and talent.

I went to the bathroom and cried, composed myself and came out.

We are not talking any more. I think I am PMS-ing. I don't know what talking is going to accomplish. We have gone through this before. He started talking to me already. if I respond now, we go back to the comfortable situation as before. But that's not what I want. Or should I shut my mouth, and start talking normally? (ha, the irony!)

There are women who can barely make rice in a rice cooker. They get oohed and aahed. There are women who are uglier than me, and post kissing pics on FB (taken by their kids! Really now?) No judgement pls, for the words I use here. Once we come back from our trips, other MEN take recos from me to book the same for their wives.

He earns for me. Why won't he do anything else for me?

That lump sum of money which gets transferred to our joint household account every month. Is that all what my marriage is right now?
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Not sure why you are complaining.

It all seems to me related to you. Lack of self-confidence and self-esteem?

Lack of compliments makes you seem like a little self-centered person in the marriage.

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Is That All He Has To Offer?

Beijee New IL'ite

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