My Brother - A Superdad And Superhusband

I had to log in to post on this thread.

OP, thank you for sharing this positive story. Really, since it is not very common in our society to see such examples of equality, this story of your brother is very inspiring. Yes, it is awesome and super.

Those who think those adjectives are overhype should probably read the numerous threads on this very forum about the women who live in a society which is definitely not utopia where men and women are perfectly equal; and where women get what they want just by demanding their rights.

 

We have never appreciated women for taking care of her family, we haven't felt it's super, we have been thinking, it's normal, it's her duty, nothing great nothing super,but we should have appreciated
And again doing the same thing. Why don't we appreciate the sweetest thing OP's brother and sil have done?

No difference in people who say it's her duty so no appreciation or attention needed and people who say it's his duty so nothing special.

Op, I loved what you have shared.

 

OP never mentioned that his brother is doing some charity to his wife by sacrificing his career. She just called her brother super for doing the right things for his family. Is it against forum rules here??

 

op..

I am as usual shocked by reading some of the responses. no surprises here..

weird with the timing of this post, I spoke to my gf last night & she was telling me anytime she asks her husband for help with the house...he threatens her that he will quit his job & she can work & support the family as well. She is a home maker.

when mark zuckerberg took his paretnity leave..it was much discussed as a positive thing and that he is setting up an example so more men will take advantage of such leave and more companies will start offering paternity leave. I am on company board for women related rights, now we are working towards a longer paternity leave. Mark was the one who inspired our team to put our work & time towards this. No one asked then why is everyone making a big deal of mark's paternity leave..it is his responsibility..blah blah blah

sometimes people don't realize how the little things we do start having a snowball effect. I was a divorcee, I remarried in a big fat indian wedding to a younger guy who was never married. After my wedding I know of 3 cases who were directly impacted by it; 2 parents finally supported their daughters decision to divorce citing my case as an example, and another case where my real good friend is all set to marry a divorcee lady.

To me you are SUPER as well. Among some SILs who manage to screw up their brothers & sils happiness...here you are being proud of them. My sil never cooks & my bro is a great cook & does all the cooking...the stuff relatives said about them was just awful...I can identify with some things you might have gone through.

be proud, be boastful..we need inspiring stories like this.

 

lol..I opened my phone & the first thing I see...a once heavy women's article on how she lost weight following fitness & change in lifestyle..

omg!!!..she sounds so proud & she is boasting..I feel like commenting..what is the big deal..you were supposed to be fit & healthy..now you are..why you boasting...you just did the RIGHT thing..nothing to boast or be proud about..

hope ppl get the sarcasm here & not bash me

 

OP,
I loved your post and logged in to just say thanks for sharing such an inspiring story about your brother and SIL.
I agree that this should be normal and nothing to be super about a father taking care of his baby but it can be said ONLY when the society on a large functions or thinks that way and that hasn't happened yet. Father's getting paternity leave from employers itself is a new phenomenon and this is a welcome change that is happening.

My husband has offered to make adjustments in his career if I would want to focus more on my career. I sometimes travel for work and be out of town for 3-4 days, we have a toddler at home - my husband takes care of all our child's need when I am out of town. There is nothing super here but the point is how often do we get to hear such stories. That's why OP I think that you as a very supportive sister, your brother and SIL are setting a path and should be applauded for it! It encourages others to also start thinking that there is nothing unusual about it.
If more men start doing it, it certainly will cause less guilt trips for career oriented women who chose to focus on their career after having baby.

 

@Laks09

My H and few others appreciate me for the hard work I do at home, just as how I do appreciate them for being there for me. We mutually recognize each other as special. But if it crosses the limit, and if I go on to boast about how special my H is for being a normal dad/H (that's what I feel) in outside, definitely I am not gonna be appreciated for doing this.
Because every other dad does this or something like this, right? There is nothing to boast here. This is what I feel.
However, if I boast the same in someone's household where the H's are male chauvinist and there is no gender equality, then my word will be seriously considered there.
The audience matter.

@Jazmine83
If someone says that I did so much work out and strict dieting to lose weight, it must be appreciated. No doubt. However, if the same person says I did all this and got back to shape, so I am super... Then it feels awkward to read that. It is self boasting.
However, if she really does that in a community where no one dared to do dieting or exercise, it is seriously a trend setting. She can call her supper, awesome and what not. Others will definitely accept it.
Again audience matter.

@lukywife
Dear, you are surely lucky, and there is no doubt.
Your bro is indeed a great example. Posting your bro's story here is a great thing too.
But please understand one thing.
Being a responsible dad, husband or son should be the norm. This should be respected as his duty and right. A person becomes super or extra ordinary only when he breaks the norm to do great things.

I am a working woman, and I do my share of the chores at home.
My share of the chores are definitely more and tiring than my H's share of the household chores.
We both earn equal salary with equally responsible career.
When my H supports me with kids (bathing, feeding etc) and laundry, shopping etc, I take it as his duty. I never felt he is doing anything extra.
Because I take care of the financial responsibility of the house as well. Not just that, I do take care of the external chores like kids' school admission, driving etc...
However, if I tell my colleagues about how my H helped me at home, they were like "Oh.. you have got a great husband. Your husband is super, because he helps you a lot"
He is always respected as a super husband by the women around us for this.
If a man steps out of his gender box (which defines his gender roles), the society either goes on to appreciate him abnormally or disgrace his masculinity. But they never wants to accept it as a normal thing as per the social change.

We women too go out of the gender box, and earn a salary, raise in career, do so much work which are defined as men's work (something small like driving/riding a bike). But the society comfortably accepts them as normal.
Now a days no one calls a working woman a super woman, just because she does something extra unlike many many other women.
No one calls a driving woman an awesome woman? How many women does driving in this world?
If looking after a kid by a man is super, then stepping out of the house to earn a salary by a woman should be equally super.
If the latter is not super, then the former is also not super.
The choice is ours... Lets call everyone super... By doing this we would gradually make the term super looks normal in the eyes of everyone.
OR, lets not to call ONLY guys as super for doing their jobs.

Just because many other men in our continent are jerks, doesn't mean the real men are super men.

 

You are right.
Your goal should be to wake up this weak/poor/vulnerable/uneducated or even educated but otherwise unaware of their rights kind of women, to fight for their rights. By calling a normal person a super man, you are making these women believe male chauvinism is normal, but being equal is something super.
The very acceptance of male chauvinism is the problem...

Here the problem is not OP's bro... He is doing his share perfectly. He is right.
Don't make him super... By doing this, the other chauvinist men become normal. That's what I can't accept.

PS: Not necessarily every husband should take a career break to prove equality. The very thinking of accepting when someone does this (without overtly boasting or challenging his masculinity) is what equality. Let's each family figure out their way of finding equality.