Rejecting All-girls, All-boys School, College?

blindpup10 · Aug 26, 2016

SunPa said: ↑

My experience made me opt for co-ed schools for my kids. Initially i did not even understand the need for single sex schools

I was in coed till 10th, and have a more boys in the environment at home but went to a girls-only for 11th and 12th. Most of the girls in my 11th std were from all girls school. For many , boys were like the forbidden thing. More girls had affairs, every year 1-2 eloped, there were even case of 2 suicides because of BGRs. Some couldnt treat boys as peers, and were very self-conscious in their presence. A couple of my friends who went with me to the same University ( which had a much higher male ratio) the adapting was much harder. One frequently had crushes , though she was tongue tied in their presence.

Girls school had some advantages too - you don't depend on boys to do any stuff for you, there is greater room for growth for your feminine side.

At work, I felt some young men to were very awkward when dealing with women, my guess is coming from highly male-dominated courses like engineering made it hard for them.

However, after some debates and reading up I do see the benefits of single gender schools. Where I live, schools have all girls or boys schools for the age group 13-16. These schools being top schools are in high demand. The idea is as the children hit adolescence, the physical/emotional changes make them feel uneasy/awkward/distracted in the presence of the opposite gender on a daily basis. By 16, they are settled into their roles and are more comfortable mingling. I feel that is may be more true for boys.
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What you have described brought vivid memories to me from High school. There was a guy who used to bully just girls. I wasn't in his class, but he was on my school bus route. He constantly picked on me in the bus. It became a huge problem that I had to involve my parents and Principal. Although I avoided him the most. Anyway long story short- he stayed in our school for 1 year and he went to a different school. This bully had a distinct character and in my degree program, I was talking to my other classmate how nightmarish my High school was coz of this guy. And my friend instantly knew this guy coz apparently he went to the school she was in. The same story repeated in the other school he was bullying girls non-stop. I was in an international school from middle school- we had limited students in each class ( just 10 kids) This bullies interaction with girls in our school was limited, the next school he went to had no restriction on kids in one class (more like 60 kids). Apparently, more girls complained about this guy's behavior.

Whatever 3 years ago there was a reunion in my Highschool and of course the topic came up on this bully.
It came to light that he was from an all boys school before he started co-ed. The first time he saw or forced to interact with girls he was pretty scared and instead he started to bully the girls. He was an excellent student. He got away from the most crap of coz he Aced everything.

Like someone said--It all depends on individual kids character and the school system is definitely is not one size fits for all.

Like @SunPa has described-I had a neighbor who went to a highly reputed all girls school. She lives exactly opposite to my house- we both are on the first floor and our front door can be seen from each other's balcony. If any guest came to our house my neighbors can clearly see who they are. Being such a case- This teen (way younger than my sibling and me) used to go crazy seeing my male friends come to my house. All my male friends found it amusing in the beginning. That she would come stand on her balcony, stare at them, talk in the falsetto voice. Well, she went to Bishop Cotton Girls School this school also had meet the boys from same branch boys school for extracurricular activities. That definitely didn't make it any better for her or other girls who I have known in different phase of my life. Now she is grown up has a regular job, I have very less interaction with her.

But I strongly agree- that all boys or all girls have a distinct education system which favors that particular gender. Coz apart from these behaviors my neighbor and the bully were excellent students. They were top notch when it came to schooling.

Rihana · Aug 26, 2016

Lots of great responses. Many thoughts and experiences. Always interesting to see how our own childhood influences our parenting choices, and what we want our kids to experience.

@SunPa @blindpup10 I was reading thread from cell phone, scrolling up and down rapidly, and couple of times a few lines and thoughts from your post made me think it is by Shanvy. : ) That (mis) reading is I think an involuntary compliment of a very high order.
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I think I am slightly converted in thought now. Would not oppose it so strongly if it is for college. Though, that brings in question of affordability and is it worth it.

Single gender colleges are no longer high walled 8 pm curfew kind of places with an overzealous warden.

sslkgpaa · Aug 26, 2016

In India parents may prefer their daughters in all-girls school to keep them sane, in US they may prefer co-ed to keep them straight!
Said that I was in co-ed and I faced a tough time given I was soo shy that my face would turn red even if a guy said hello to me.

blindpup10 · Aug 26, 2016

@Rihana- I would say it depends on the gender of our children. Let me put it this way- I have a DS- I have my reasons as a parent to want him to go to co-ed. I am all about gay rights. But not sure if I am so open enough to accept my DS being one. It is still an unknown territory to me. So in that perspective, I will encourage him to go for a co-ed.
Again I have female cousins who will start college in a couple of years- Rape being the hottest topic, especially what happened at Stanford rapist case . I would want them to be safe. I wish no bad things happen to my beloved cousins. I would want my cousins to pick the college they will feel comfortable being in. If it is all girls and if they feel safe ( without my aunts pressure) I think they should be good. At some point I think parents should listen/ observe and evaluate if their children are doing ok in any educational system. Any education system is definitely not one size fits all.

When I was bullied non-stop ( until I got it resolved)- I have wished so many times I was in all girls school.Although I have never been in all girls school. I felt it would be my haven.

Srama · Aug 27, 2016

Ladies,

Sorry to interrupt rudely in between posts. You have to trust me when I say I am hard pressed for time to write more often. Less interruptions that way for you gals here. My son's school has what they call a "sister" school. You heard it right! No sister vister business there and then kids from our neighbor public schools would rather have these kids (boys only/girls only) take them out to the dances and other places. I have seen, heard and observed so much in the past few years, I put aside all my theories only looked at if they can fulfill what I am looking for and enrolled.