Relationships Forum Chatter & Grey Matter

@guesshoo

You could be right....but I think here the guy himself is being controlled by the higher one.
Otherwise he would not have so easily left the control of wife's paycheck (he wanted to control earlier).
I think he is s*** scared of mom sis duo and has been told something like ...we are your responsibility,we come first,she works,she can take care of herself.No need to involve her.
I think he doesn't quite agree but can't go against them because he is scared of the after effects.He probably sends far too much home and s scared of wife's reaction to the discovery of the actual figures (or loans or investments)
The "you don't respect me now" bit is something he has learnt over time or something he hears the mom/sis say often .He is using that to get away from showing her the reality.

He probably is hoping atleast she manages her finances well for 'their ' future if he is not able to do justice to her .Hence the pouting when she spends too much...or him telling her to wait for investments that they can do together ,or she could do it herself.

As for patriarchal mind set....he gives in too often for that .His trying to put up a good boy show for her parents,buying her jewelery to keep her jewelery while she is still in a rebellious mood .
Giving in on the issue in the other thread(kind of giving in ) but still wanting her to make him look good in front of her parents .

So I feel he s doing too much for 'his' family and is scared to let wife know because he is scared of her reaction. He wants to maintain status quo .

I could be totally wrong too.......only he knows.
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Dear Sweetygals....this post is not for you. This is just us trying to sharpen our IL relationship forum skills.
What is written here may be far from the truth.

The real truth ,only your husband knows.

 

@Rihana What happened to your gift dilemma? Did you give the gift? Did she accept it?

 

Yes @yellowmango makes sense. patriarchy was a wrong word. Not about having a spine but the notion that wife is someone who can be taken for granted just because... trying to justify, perhaps to themselves, that this treatment will do. At the same time ILs must revere him as the daughter's saviour. Messed up!

From Sweetygal's latest post, it does sound like the case of wanting to show them he hasn't let a silly thing called marriage change him - he's still their boy and all that. Used to try controlling wife but she, (power to her!) broke free and showed her own strength. Her strong attitude and capability shows him he stands to lose big time.

With bullies - in my experience with PIL, I had to become strong and stand up for myself to garner respect. I'm happy to stand up to a bully when people try to lord me over. They know I'm fair and just when treated properly and now don't dare cross the line. That op seems to be doing the same and I'm really rooting for her.

 

I didn't mean to chide you @deepthyanoop

It is quite normal that those fortunate enough not to have experienced abuse to not be able to comprehend how any person can put up with the nonsense.

Unfortunately it pulls back the person even more - it becomes like victim blaming; he person being abused starts believing that there's something wrong with them...

I think it is important to create awareness. Hence my post.

 

I understand dear... And thanks for pointing it out. Actually my blood was boiling when reading about her husband. I wanted to punch him hard. No girl deserves a life like that. I was in no way hurting or ridiculing OP. But yes, my reply came out a bit strong and was little thoughtless by not understanding her situation properly.

 

haha! Thank you! I am glad it made a few people laugh!!
Indeed it was awkward and funny so i just said yeah yeah nice nice! Nice view, nice scenery! Everything prefixed with Nice and wow!!

Oh yes! Thanksgiving Ill definitely avoid, thats when my marriage anniversary is and I cannot afford to go on a "photographer cum educational" trip that time!!
True! so the process of telling them in case they asked will be given to my hubby.