How To Cope Up When Things Going Bad

@Prache
Seeing your post bring backs the memories of 2008 when me and my DH were hit by recessions. At that point of time I had full time low paying job, but stable and no H1 issues. My DH (then BF) was travelling and was doing contracting. We waited for thing to settle and market to pick up for around 4 years. We even postponed our marriages. Once my DH got settled in good project and location, I moved to his place and then got married and had kid in ours 30's.

My suggestion would be stay calm and support him. You have good stable job stick to it and support him. This time what he needs is ur support. Kids and house buying are secondary, your relationship is primary and don't spoil it for base less arguments. With advances in medicine you have kids even in 30's.

 

How about your husband try and find a permanent job in any location. Once he settles there, you can search for a job there. Since you have a better profile it could be easier for you.

Since he is doing his best to get a job, you need to be supportive and understanding. Men's ego take a hit during such situations. Do try to boost his confidence.

Regarding ttc, get you check-ups done, hormone levels, husband's sperm count etc. Fwiw, it is said that there is never a right time to have a baby.

 

Hi OP

I read your post and kind of connected a bit. We being immigrants and on H1b and in tech field have to face lot of issues. We had similar situation except roles were reversed. I came on H4 then H1B and highly unstable in my career and away from town. Because of jobs (going and coming for various reasons) and then marital problems, I had my first kid very late (35). Many of my friends had kid late ( 30+) but for them, reason was they married late.
These days it is common as everyone says. But personally in my experience, do not delay too much. Wait for 1-2 yr max. I had really healthy pregnancy but did not recover well. Also now I feel my window to plan for second has passed and I have still not recovered from first delivery and got lot of health issues.

Its not just about pregnancy and delivery. Also post deliver , real parenthood life starts. Younger bodies heal and recover faster to birth trauma. There may be exceptions.

In your case, I suggested wait till you are together but in any case, do not delay much. These immigration or H1 issues never stop until you have GC. Even then other issues keep coming.

Worst case: If you H is still working in different city, get pregnant and bring parents here, during pregnancy and to help with kid. H keep looking and might get remote days too. I would not recommend you quitting since you are stable and one of you should have stable job. May be hold on to home purchase, till some things are determined.

 

Hello,

Handle one issue at a time, don't deal with layers. You have many layers:
a) Husband's job must be secure and last minimum a year.
b) Husband and you must stay in same place.
c) There must be a medical appointment and subsequently planning for a kid.
d) Move to a house in immediate future
e) Secure status in U.S.A.
f) Others we may not know

While I cannot tell you what you must do, I can share my perspective since like many immigrants I too have been through some of these bumps:
1) Priority #1 is having good medical insurance which explains your reluctance to leave a full time steady job with benefits. A major health catastrophe can be disastrous in this country and leave you bankrupt.

2) Priority #2 is husband's job and career, irrespective of country, it is important for him to be successful, have a sense of accomplishment, and feel confident and established to play the role of a husband, son and a future father.

3) Priority #3 is both of you staying together. Long-distance marriages cause extreme stress especially at your young age when you still need to explore and grow with each other. It takes a very heavy toll - and most couples your age and stage in marriage do not know how to stop a gap from forming or widening, not to mention the difficulty in bridging.

4) Priority #4 is child if your health or biological clock is ticking otherwise.

Career, Marriage and Child are life-altering decisions that have a long-term effect lifelong. Everything else such as VISA status, house, other are negotiable and pale in comparison to major priorities that must still be in place.