One Kid Or Two?

anothermom · Jul 20, 2016

Thank you once again for the inputs ladies. Like justanothergirl said, a discussion on public vs private schools is out of scope of this discussion and has potential to derail this thread. The school was mentioned just in the passing, as one of the concerns, not the only concern, so I would appreciate if you stuck to the main topic. Thanks!

anothermom · Jul 20, 2016

justanothergirl said: ↑

U need to research some more.
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Rihana · Jul 20, 2016

anothermom said: ↑

...so I would appreciate if you stuck to the main topic. Thanks!
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I once had a conversation about one kids/more kids with a friend. Both of us have two kids each, and the kids were like under 5 or 7 yrs at that time. Pros and cons of two/more kids... in addition to the usual predictable list of pros and cons, one that she mentioned has stuck in my mind for years - siblings are nice to have when parents are very old, and child is dealing with care of parents, plus, taking some hard decisions related to their care. Of course, a second child cannot be had for this purpose, but it is a thought that doesn't readily come to mind.

anika987 · Jul 20, 2016

sanjuruby3 said: ↑

Could not stay away from chiming in.

@OP and all - I personally think kids need siblings. They are buddies for life. These are best gifts parents can give to their kids. When parents are not around, we have siblings. Also one of these days, when I think about my family and compare to other cousins, I think 3 is ideal. If having a kid was easy and life less pressurizing like olden days, and some magic, I would have 3 kids
My parents were working and inspite of many problems , mom had 3 of us. she had my siblings very late ( due to miscarriages) and so lot of age gap b/w us. All my cousins were 2 siblings. When I was growing up in my teens, I used to think why my mom had 3, she could have stopped at 2. I was embarrased as I used to hear, people talking about us, our age gap, other working aunts making faces at us. I was jealous of single child friends having all attention while my mom not paying attention to what I ate, if I ate, not asking how exams went, always shouting.

Mother had really hard time parenting us, struggling with me arranging ride for me to exams center, and younger one teaching school basics and arraning sitter for 3rd one.
But that time passed. She has all sorts of health issues.
Now I feel that was best for us. We siblings love each other, and talk to each other for all big small issues.

I had my LO very late , coming to US, settling in career, marriage problems etc all that. I think a lot. If I had another one, will i be able to take care of both well and equally. Now with 1, i have completely ignored myself. I look at my old pics (even pregnancy ones) I have all sort of health issues. Obesity, thyriod, knees, arms, I get tired so soon but do not enough rest and my struggle at work just does not stop.
my H has high BP and other issues too. Then finances wise, we are still struggling. We spent a lot before a had her, no saving at all, now suddenly I feel worried, college expenses etc. We do not have any home yet.

God knows, I yearn for second kid and many times think wow.. if god gives me twins, I will quit my job and porblly move to india for parental support. But how will I feed them?

We are not tryig for second kid yet. Our hectic job and life style, tress in my life taking care of LO and we take it out on each other, had made us go in 2 parallel ways. One weekend morning we go out for 1 hr with her for outing or picnic, we get extrmely tired, come home aching knees, backache with huge bodies, high BP... shouting at each other. I do not like my H's parenting of picking easy way each time she cries - tab, tv, cartoons etc, using loose tongue in front of her. All this is creating problems b/w 2 of us. So I decide, we can not take care of 1 we have, do we deserve another?
Going back to OP's problem, If you think you can afford second kid, financially, and you have parental support, I think you should. Some things can be compromised or adjusted. Just like we change after first kid., how LO makes space in our lives, second will.
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I felt quite sad reading your post.you seem like a nice woman who deserve another kid.I really wish god provides you financially well very soon,ay your health issues get resolved and also bless you with another child.take care

sanjuruby3 · Jul 21, 2016

anika987 said: ↑

I felt quite sad reading your post.you seem like a nice woman who deserve another kid.I really wish god provides you financially well very soon,ay your health issues get resolved and also bless you with another child.take care
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@anika987
Why sad? i am sorry to make u sad :-( . I was telling my story to OP to kindda put stress that if they can afford to have another one ( afford in terms of financially, healthwise etc) they should. It's bful feeling to have brothers or sisters.

cooks2010 · Jul 28, 2016

I also have a 2yr old daughter and my husband and I have decided to just have one kid. We are in our late 30's and my husband works, I am at home with my daughter and just starting my own home based business. For us, it was a big leap just to have one kid...we kept pushing it back and then finally decided to have one.

We also think the same way, our first goes to montessori and if we have two, there is no way we can afford tuition for both of them, without our retirement and travel plans suffering. When thinking of logistics, we always worry about how we can fit two car seats in our small car, how will we be able to put two kids to sleep, how will we entertain two kids (right now we dont watch TV, use laptop or electronics in front of her, we read books, do activities and spend time with her ).

We like to travel and always think if we have two kids, it would be more expensive and more of a hassle with two. Another major personal reason, is that my first pregnancy was terrible, had morning sickness till 6 months and after the baby had a terrible post partum recovery, took 4 months to be back on feet and afterwards was always angry, irritated and short tempered. After 2 years, my normal self has come back. Both my husband and I remember that and immediately think...no way another one...we cannot go through that again.

I should note that we didnt have much help during or after pregnancy, no friends or family help....now after 2 years we moved to a place where there are more kids in the neighborhood and its been easier to make friends and manage.

Hope you make the right choice, each situation is different, for us its a sure NO for a second kid, though recently my daughter did ask about another baby because few of our friends just had second babies....so that does get me thinking at times.

A few people have mentioned about siblings...for me I have a younger brother and sister who both live in two different countries than I do. We try to stay in touch, but with busy schedules,own families etc...I talk to them once a month and meet them once in 5 years. I think over time I have become more close to my husband and friends then siblings.

I should also mention, that my daughter will not have any cousins close by either, we can just hope that she develops a strong group of friends and becomes involved in the community /public service as much as she can.

Cooks.

leenarajaryan · Jul 28, 2016

I have a son now 14 yrs old.. We both H & W had decided to have single child initially due to financial issues. If we cannot afford same luxuries/ facilities to both children then we should not go for the second one was our decision. (Nowadays best schools hv become part of luxury). In addition when anyone asked my son when he was 5 he himself started saying that he don't want any siblings. He was happy with his cousin bro's & sis's & dint want to have his own sibling. That made our decision confirm.
But in a corner of my mind I have always been longing for a cute daughter. I thought of adopting too but my DH & DS both are against that. They feel that they wont be able to give justice to her.

anothermom · Aug 23, 2016

Simply love this forum. Thanks to all who took the time to respond. Truly appreciate it.

Jazmine83 · Aug 23, 2016

there is no one size fit all reply for this situation OP.

I know single child friends who are super friendly at the same I time I know kids born with siblings who hardly keep in touch with their siblings. It just depends.

You have a 2nd child, you guys will pull through, you do not have a 2nd child, you will still pull it through. Take some time to figure out what you want.