What a parents are not impartial

Regarding feeling guilty for choosing wrong partner, yes my mother feels little bit...rest she blames on kismat (luck)....she says that gals bring their own luck ....to some extent true but I don't completely agree with this...
Yes, my mother tends to do more for her...even she said to us that she will help the financially in buying the house which my sis was planning to buy in my maternal city...but that was not materialize...and nothing was given to my sis....

My sis didn't ask for anything.... my father has made all 4 ( bro and me n 2 sis) too proud to ask for anything from anybody.....after my father's death we left the everything to our mother....as everything was earned by my father so we believed that now after him, my mother is the one who has rights on everything....even the savings certificates which were on the name of us sisters, we signed them and gave to my mother....my mother is keeping everything on her name and my brother...basically one can understand that my brother is now handles everything....
My sister didn't ask for anything ,and me n other sister didn't expect as we are fine....
There was no reason for divide with my bro as he never denied for anything....it was my mother decision....no ill will for my mother too....but a hurt is there ....that's all...
Actually once my mother said that she wanted to help my sis as a person should do charity and giving to daughters is the biggest charity....I felt really hurt after that...after all daughters also have some rights on father and his home....specially when my father used to treat us sisters so previously...

 

Apart from hurt ....I came out very proud of my family after this....no feud on property...nobody fought ...even asked for a penny...I have seen how people fight like cats n dogs over property ....
I feel very proud of my sis who knows very well how to live in her means and never feels jealous of others....in spite of her adverse situation , her self respect is more important for her...
So I think this pride took over the hurt....because now a days people who don't care for money are less....and my family proved one such family....

 

Dear Rihana,
May be talking it out will not help....but atleast they should know what they did with us was wrong from our point of view. We can show them our perspective.


1. I personally think...adult Child who suffered...should at-least sit with their parents and tell them..what he/she felt because of their partial behaviour.
May be they can correct their selves.

2. Let them know what is our point of view. May be from their point of view they are not doing anything wrong / partial.

* My love for my parents is unconditional. If they don't want to give me their time/love/money/property/emotional support they can.
But i will do as much as i can when they will required in old age/bad time. Same my DH thinks for his parents.

Choco

 

True. the realization is hard-hitting when it does come, and more often than not it coincides with the point in time when you are weak

Emotional detachment and conversation restricted to the weather is what works for me. Maybe eventually when the wound is no longer raw, when they are truly fragile , when i am more mature and have gained more perspective, the heart might soften .Until then I am happy limiting discussion to maid problems and recipe exchanges and cutting the call after a 20 minute timer.

 

@ Rihana ... sometimes parents realize the severity of their mistakes only when the harshest medicine is given to them.And only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches... as somebody else said ... parents are also human beings and sometimes err... .

I think in a country which worships parents as God, parental abuse is grossly overlooked .

 

Hi, very good thread. Like someone mentioned keeping minimum interaction with parents is the best option. I am emotionally removing myself away from my parents and it is painful. We are two sisters and my parents have decided to favour the one who can help them the most. Her life and family take priority over everything else. I have fought with them over this but to no avail. Guess it was a mistake. Now i have nothing to say to them. We have nothing in common now. I am orphaned though they are alive and well.

 

Just wanted to add that i have felt this unfairness for many years. But always had hope that things would change and the belief that my parents can't be like that. Like some posters wrote we realize how bad it is when things become really bad and its too late. For me there is no winning here. I can spend my life trying which i don't want to anymore.