How much does a husband care for his wife's parents?

And 100% Husbands dont feel them as their own

 

Not all ILs are like this. Many of them are quite sensible. May be your co-sis should get the clarity first with her DH and MIL. But ultimately you cant change them if they are senseless. The only way is, she has to be bold and responsible towards her parents which anyways she is looks like and just ignore the rest.

I cannot stop appreciating you for being very sensible and humane towards your co-sis and her mother. Butmy suggestion to you dear friend is there is nothing here to panic much at the same time dont expect much. Prepare for worst and wish for the best. Be positive and dont expect others to be like what you want to be. It is all part of life and you have to accept as it comes to you. Only thing we can do when it come to you -
Face it and Beat it - and I know you will have the courage to do it dont worry.

 

I dont really care wht DH thinks, MIL think,SIL thinks...... When my mother needs me I will be there wht ever be the situation....

 

:bowdown:bowdown:bowdown

 

Unfortunately,this kind of lack of empathy is seen in a lot of cases.However,we do see a lot of the very understanding ,caring SNIL's who do care a lot about spouse's family.
When you ask,'Is MIL's hold on sons so strong?',the answer is NO.The sons have a mind and brain of their own.They can reason out what is right and wrong.So if they allow themselves to be brainwashed,it is their fault,not MIL's.

As regards as the other question,"Will my Dh ever feel responsive if I ever have to face such a situation??"..well time will tell.Unless you have that kind of situation,you will not get to know,how your hubby is going to react.
However,make yourself strong financially so that if such a situation arises you can handle yourself.Also,make yourself clear to hubby about your role and priorities beforehand so he knows what is expected during such situations and presumably, he goes along with you.

 

I totally understand what you mean, Shari.

That poor lady, can't imagine being in her shoes, how much she must be suffering.
At a time like this when she needs to be conserving all her strength, instead of her family rallying around her and bolstering her spirits...she's being treated in such an inhumane way. Even dogs are treated better in pet loving homes.
So sad....I can hardly type this through my tears. I knew things weren't perfect, but I never imagined they were this bad.

 

Lots of factors determine behaviour...is the girl sufficiently independent, is the girl caring and loving towards her ils, etc...but guys generally think of ils as some relative only...maybe close relative, but relative just the same..

 

Dont know when your mom needs your help. So start explaining to your DH from now onwards about the situation and make him understand about his need and help at that time. SIL is equivalent to son. We are 5 sisters and no brothers, my bil only performed the funeral rites of my dad and still he is performing the death ceremony of my dad like his own son every year

 

OP, very simple.We breed and bring up sons (not all) as inhumans.Forget about respect towards your mother , any human being would show atleast some kind of empathy towards someone in trouble.And in this case it happens to be mother of life partner.You MIL and DH seems to be so insensitive and arrogant.

Talk to your DH and make him realise how insensitive he is.ELse he might carry on like this forever which might be a trouble later on.

 

Dear Shari,

Please don't be afraid of the situation if your mother gets sick and you have to take care of her. Not all men are the same. My wife is the only child to my parents-in-law and when my marriage was arranged, my dad told me that I should take care of two sets of parents. My father is no more and my mother lives with my elder brother. But my parents-in-law live alone in India and I live in the United States. Ever since my father in law retired, my wife and I are taking very good care of my in-laws. If they need medical assistance, we provide that immediately. When my father-in-law was hospitalized, my wife left for India to take care of him. I provide financial support for them every month. I also told my in-laws that they could call me anytime if they need any assistance whether it is physical or financial. They truly treat me like their own child and I consider them as my own parents.

Please do set your husband's expectation that you should be able to help your parents if they get sick. I am pretty sure he will understand it. He should also be able to help, when needed. Once my mother was very sick and my brother asked me to come to India immediately. At that time, my wife had undergone a surgery for multiple fracture in her hand but still she asked me to proceed to see my mom, even though I felt bad to leave her alone. If the spouses have good understanding with each other, nothing will be a problem.

Viswa