Proud of my MIL

Nice thread, Vidya! I must admit that reading the typical MIL threads on IL has made me appreciate my MIL more. She is not perfect (but then, who is?) but she allows us to lead our lives and doesn't interfere. If we should ask for help, I know she will be happy to give it. She is honest, and doesn't play stupid girly games, which I really appreciate. So, even if I don't like what she is saying, I am grateful that she is direct and not vindictive or spiteful in the way she talks.

She and I are from two different worlds, but it has not been much of a problem for us. I'm guessing she had a lot of adjusting to do, mentally, to have me in her family, so it is noteworthy that she did it with nary a complaint. Of course, it helps that we all have good boundaries, and respect each other's privacy. I think things would be more strained if we all lived together, but that is not the case. They usually visit us for a month or two in the summer, and it always goes very well. Otherwise, we talk on the phone and email on no fixed schedule, and everyone is happy with this arrangement.

One thing my PILs do amazingly well, and I can't even say this of my own family, or myself, is I've never heard them say a bad word about anyone. Even if they clearly don't like something or someone, they are very diplomatic and gentle in putting this feeling across, if they do it at all. I marvel at this ability, because I am quick to notice what I consider to be other people's faults or transgressions. They don't gossip or talk ill of others for entertainment or humor. This is a rare quality in anyone, and I take my hat off to them for it.

 

I am very happy to read all your posts....So now i am sure that they are good MIL around us....I miss having one like this......
Maintain healthy relationships......keep going girls.....

 

Sweet, the best remedy for this may be for you to strive to be the best MIL you can be one day. It'll make you and your future DIL or SIL happy, and exorcise the unhappy "demons" of the past

 

Hi

Good thread I am blessed with such Mil too.she came to help me with my ds2 for delivery and I did not find any difference between her and my mom.not just my mil my sil too came over to help me when I was in first trimester and she is working fulL time and she used all her vacation for me .i had gd during my pregnancy so couldn't eat any sweets so after my delivery she made sweets in the middle of the night as she was busy at work and brought it for me.i am so blessed with a nice il family

 

Hi Vidya
Very nice to read about the positives about your m-i-l.

My m-i-l had many good qualities that I admired.
1. We are 4 d-i-ls in the family and she never spoke ill about any one of us to the others. She never encouraged us to speak ill of others to her too.
2. A very cook and a very good teacher too. I learnt most cooking from her.
3. She had a very broad outlook - she never believed in superstitions, rituals, or flashiness.
4. She encouraged me to work outside the home and not be dependent on my husband (her son)
5. She took the time to understand me. In fact, besides my husband, the only person who truly understood me in my in-law's home was my mother-in-law.
I lost a wonderful friend when she passed away and many times I wished she was alive to give me good advice.
I love my mother - but my mom's advice was/is lopsided favoring only me- her only concern was/is my welfare. I always felt my m-i-l was more balanced when it came to seeing a problem or an issue objectively.
**********
All said, I must admit that during the initial days of my marriage I was hostile towards her. I thank God for opening my eyes very soon and made me change my approach towards her.

I deliberately involved her in my day to day to decisions in such as what to cook, what sari I should wear to work and so many more; just small things. I was very open and never hid anything from her.
Slowly our friendship grew and we bonded - and I discovered so many positive things about her some of which I have mentioned above.
She was human; so not perfect and had many flaws. But then who is perfect? Definitely not me.

Thanks for this positive thread about mother-in-law. Very refreshing.

 

Hi All,
I am too blessed with a lovely MIL. she is a darling. i lost my mother before my wedding so my mil always used to advice my husband to treat me well as im a mother less child. she loves me like a small kid and always she takes my side even when i complain anything against her son. i always thank GOD for giving a such a nice MIL. when i were pregnant in the first trimester i were so sick she took care of me like a baby. there were days she used to clean my vomit and stay next to me until i fall a sleep in the night. i always see my mom through my MIL. when i do something wrong she used to advice me but never scolds me always talk in a very polite tone. i think she has become my role model and i decided one day i will also treat my DIL the same way how my MIL treats me. no one is perfect in this world. im not perfect and neither my MIL.
she never interferes in our life if i ask advice she gives or else she keeps silent. but i always make sure when she is there with me to share and get all her advices the ones that i cdnt get from my mom.

 

I thought of you ladies today when I was sending a Valentine's Day present to my in-laws. This site

pickupflowers.com

does a great job of hand-delivering flowers, chocolates, etc. all over the world. I usually send something to my in-laws in Chennai for non-Indian occasions (Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, etc.) because I figure it'll be a nice break from the routine on a day when not everyone may be celebrating what the occasion is.

I write a nice message and sign my daughter's name to it. It's reasonably priced (well, there's nothing ever reasonable about the prices of these kinds of gifts, but this site is not bad) and my in-laws always been happy with the quality of what they've received (cake, chocolate, flowers). Since we're not there personally to celebrate happy occasions with them, it's a nice surprise and they are always happy to receive a gift.

So, I thought I should share this site with all you lucky DILs out there, in case you feel like showing your appreciation, too