tell me what i do

Wait wait wait..You'll have to tread the path very carefully..

I too have a SIL whose husband passed away and she is elder to my DH and always says that my DH is like a son to him.Although my DH is sensible enough not to discuss really our personal secrets and moments with her nonetheless, she asks too many personal questions to him and me..

Now ladies,I am neither being rude or commenting on mine or OP's SIL's marital life or status.But my analysis based on my SIL's behaviour is that since her husband is no more,she seeks advice,sympathy,companionship,solace etc etc from my DH.She often says that my DH is the only male component in her life.:drowning
Once or twice she was telling my DH that she is having stomach ache because of her periods,once she was also complaining of some problem in her breast..Then she sometimes also tells my DH directly if she has any problem with any men outside(someone was looking at her etc)..:spin
Don't know what does she mean but being a wife ,it becomes a confusing position how to react.:hide:

Thankfully,My DH has shown sensibility most of the time.He tells her to talk to me or MIL in such cases but whenever I show my irritation or exasperation, he says that SIL doesn't have anyone else to share:bonk

She used to ask about our personal relationship between DH and me,the first time he kissed me,we had s## or other personal details but I shut her up in the beginning so she has stopped that.

OP,you could take a clue from my case.Either have a one to one talk with your DH.He doesn't seem to be mature or sensible(thankfully my DH is)..
These things take an ugly turn later if DH doesn't know to make boundaries.
You still have time.In case you are not convinced or you don't approve of all this,please rethink about the wedding decision..

I don't know what is right or wrong or what is moral or immoral or what is the correct proposition here but I can surely warn you that if not taken care of,such issues become lifelong pain.

No one discusses first touch or first night with anyone!! And not with mother or sister atleast..Period!!

 

OP seems to be more of an introvert. Knows what her problems are but doesnt want to overcome those. Posting @ IL doesn't necessarily mean she is looking for advices. All the advices given here, she has some excuse not to follow that. Whatz the point in posting here?

 

Even I feel the same thing. She knows what she has to do but she is not willing to take a step.

 

come on girl be bold....come out of your orthodox thinking..and start finding some solution to it before its too late..
inform your elders ASAP...

 

At this stage, elders must know everything. Let them decide if its wrong or right. You are at a stage where you still can salvage your life. Take someone elder and married into confidence.

 

Tell him that you have a brother/sister with whom you shared everything about him and that for first night they gave you many tips.

Hope his brains start frying and sizzling.

It is ok to share stuff before/after with whomever he wants. But personal.... isshhh... how immature. Also another point here is , make sure that your SIL doesnt take advantage of this situation and make him dance to her tunes after your mrg and turn your life hell.

Red Flags lady!!!

 

Did you see the guy and meet him??It's take a long time to understand a person and to judge a person.I can't judge him at this point.Becuase you fired up may be that's why he is teasing you that he would tell everything.
As a know,typically men are not secretive as women.I think no one can judge him here.You should able to know him better and understand him better.And see weather he is compatable to you or not.

 

tell him you also will start sharing personal details abt him to your friends,. he may get the point then!

 

Dear OP,

You seems to confuse every one here by telling cousin as SIL ...later telling Your FH is brought up in US so much.

If you are not feeling comfortable the way he behaves you should share with your Parents/Siblings no matter if you are orthodox or not ..

Openly speak to your Family in the beginning itself so that your life will be saved.No one will share all these personals to own sister too.

Better handle it straight to save your life

 

OP,you seem to be afraid about bringing parents into this issue,but let me tell you if you dont involve people now,you will make a fool of yourself at one point.No matter how orthodox your parents are,if they know such a thing they might atleast try to reason out with the groom's family..If he is good guy,atleast you can cut the issue in the budding stage,else you will be the loser.Think about this.