This time Ladki-wale were the PARTYPOOPERS!!

On another note I wanted to say this...

If anytime when we go to a wedding (as part of the family or as a guest) we have to make things easier and lighter for everyone around us. YES wehther someone did something deliberately to show someone down or was it done unknowingly..none of our business..but making it sound as if they didnt mean it or they forgot about it would bring peace in the wedding...and the lighter attitude of its ok...as long as the couple are happy thats all we all want!! this note itself would make everyone happier...andnot take things to heart!

On the contrary the way it happens is..some one in the relatives would run the groom side parents and say ohh the girls side didnt do this or will go n tell the girls parents..this is what the groom side people are talking about the bride etc..these are the nasty talks that would make the wedding haywire adn everyone would be having puffed up faces in red and all are upset!! so why not be the bigger person, say thats ok, if they didnt do something, if we want to do something, we can conduct elaborate ceremonies at our home etc..and move on!!!

After the marriage finally teh girl and teh boy live togehter, and the parents hardly meet once ina year..so if the parents also want to keep good contact with each other above is teh way they have to handle things...but if they take it personally and feel hurt and disrespected..how can both families have good contact? thats the problem we see in many marriages...I have seen some of my friends husbands who complain about how their wedding was conducted even after 8 yrs of their marriage (such nonsense isnt it???)

 

APO
I am with you 100%..you know why? Because, it happened in my family too.My cousin brother was the only child and had lost his dad at a very young age.He fell in love with a girl..my aunt agreed without any issues.Since my aunt was a widow, she was out of all customs/rituals..she was on her own..did not demand anything- atleast to the extent that I know..but oh my..the girl's dad was a horror..for every damn thing, he would say- I can stop this wedding right now..you want to see how I stop?I hated that person then and even NOW.My aunt used to literally beg him to be calm and get going with the wedding preparations.Now, am not a person who would want the guy side to deserve all the respect and all that..let there be equality..but for a bride's dad to keep saying I will stop the wedding at the drop of a hat- I donot know why my aunty just kept quiet..We were not concerned abiout the arrangements made for us- afterall, we attended the wedding for my brother and not for the formalities.
6 months after the wedding, we got a call from my aunt who said, my brother and his wife went away- starting a nuclear family leaving my old aunty-70 plus alone.And my cousin brother being a coward that he is, used to visit my aunt alone once in every 3 months.
with forums like this, its so easy to gain access and talk about troubling MILs and all that..its sooooooooooooo true that there are more troublesome DILs too..and since the former is the majority, we so easily take sides.It will be great if people can co exist.

That said, it was sad to see some outrightly rude remarks ( including some who are so active in the marital forums) here..I really wish the mods did something about it- but pssstt..Take heart..and peace out.

 

Can this be the reason for her behaviour???

So was this realised before the big plans were made?? i mean that the girls mom doesnt like this wedding to happen?

Ooops sorry!! I have my own SIL , my bro got married on a friday, but they waited in the marriage hall itself till saturday morning early hours and sent the girl to our house. WE all waited till its saturday officialy yes some people do send the girl on fridays also by following another tradition where the boys side family puts some money at the door step before taking the girl to their home....but seems like the girls mom was not really a big fan of this wedding and she didnt know how to handle her disappointment or disapproval

This was really RUDE of her! but why was the groom nodding his head???:hide: really bottomline...somepeople dont know how to handle their own feelings

All this mess and fuss is because the grooms MIL didnt know how to keep her disappointment of her daughters wedding to herself rather she showed in bits n pieces everywhere.....

But as far as that envelope thing is concerned I dont know I felt might be the girls mom really wanted to give some good amount as the boys parents didnt ask for anything..see if they give less the boys side would feel ohh they gave sooo less...she gave 50K now hte boys side feels are we beggars...(was it decided how much they have to put in the envelope???) so lets give a benefit of doubt here and leave this thing aside...

APO

I am also from telugu tradition..I know what you meant...and what you feel.but might eb the boy n the girl should have first confirmed whether the parents are on the same page on having the DIL and SNIL if the girls mom didnt like her SNIL how can she be all smiles n happy and do the stuff she is expected to do??? and if the girl lived iwth the guy for 2 ys..why didnt she take a stand on all this?? inspite of all this why the guy followed the girl to the MILs house??? see there are so many questions here!!! anyways hope hte newly weds have ahappy married life thats what I wish for!

 

Yeah, even I wonder why the bride and groom let the bride's mother do the planning, when they knew she was against the relationship and going to be a spoil sport. Well, the groom certainly has no room to complain. Putting an angry relative in charge of planning your wedding, is like having Hitler host a bar mitzvah.

This thread has got me to wondering, what % of Indian weddings make both sides happy? Seems like I have not heard of any where both sides are totally satisfied. I know in my wedding (which was so nonexistant you would wonder how it could make anyone mad) it made both sides mad (my side was mad because I was getting married, and my inlaws were mad that the wedding wasn't as pompy as my dh's first wedding). Does anyone have a happy wedding story from start to finish????? Or is there always somebody who gets pissed during the big fat Indian wedding?

 

That's probably because a lot of sources of your information about Indian wedding seem to be from these forums and obviously, a large part of people who had everything go well would not be contributing in these forums. Believe me, there have been enough wedding in my friends and family circles in which both sides have been absolutely happy and not all Indian weddings are farce, money-sucking business that leave the brides' side in shambles and serve to sharpen the horns of the devil grooms' family. I have also heard of enough sob stories from my American friends about what a terrible wedding they had. So there!

For many people, the rituals and traditions are true and meaningful and since the Indian family set-up is collectivistic (as a characteristic of the society). So it is just plain unreasonable thinking to conclude that western weddings with the all the pastel deco is superior to the pomp and color typical to Indian weddings. Again, as it has often been said in many other threads, it is not the wedding or the event itself, but the people involved in the event or the wedding that make it enjoyable or choose to turn into a soap opera, leaving everyone feeling negative.

For example, Srividhya mentioned how her SIL's parents were grateful that she and her husband being considerate and did not make it a big deal about not getting a dinner place. If it was me, I would not even think it worth mentioning because it would not have occurred to me that it was any consideration on my part. If I wanted to place to sit and eat, I should just have gone sooner. I would not have considered it a big sacrifice or a great deed on my part to not have created an issue because according to me, it is a non-issue. So there's the attitude difference right there, though the outcome in both scenarios would have been the same - a peaceful wedding.

 

ASG,

I wanted to reply to this post of yours since I belong to that % (maybe minor) of people with happy weddings. Mine was a love marriage which was accepted whole-heartedly by my parents and in-laws. My parents planned the wedding and did it in a grand style. I guess this is quite common in most cultures. My husband and I paid for it. My in-laws loved the arrangements, guests loved the food and hospitality and my parents were happy because I was happy So, there are happy Indian weddings out there! And my in-laws think my parents have such good taste in these matters that they frequently ask them for advice!!

@APassionateOne
I completely agree with you 100% that the way the bride gifted money to her would-be SIL is rude and inconsiderate. That is not the way to gift. I gifted my brother, sister and would be SIL clothes and jewellery during the marriage ceremony. I know about the Friday tradition and my mom would never send me on that day. That is why she took care that the wedding day doesn't fall on a Friday. From your post, I think that more than any rituals not being followed during the wedding, the way the groom behaved post marriage is downright wrong!
I cannot imagine how they didn't go back to his place after the wedding. Though i am with you that the mother of the bride did things out of spite and disinterest I would blame the guy more for not respecting his parents feelings.

 

I never said Western weddings are superior. So can we avoid going into the whole Indian culture is the bestest best best in the whoooole wide world arguement?

I don't have a problem with pomp or color or pastel deco. I mentioned the ATTITUDES of the people involved. That is what I have a problem with.

Vennella, I'm glad you responded. I like to read stories with happy endings (and happy weddings )... just wish they were more common!

 

Where have I mentioned anything that alludes to concluding that Indian culture is the best??? I am just trying to provide a different positive perspective to Indian weddings because the popular opinion seems contrary. Frankly, I do not know any other culture but the Indian culture, so I would have no basis even if I did make a statement that Indian culture was the best. Your statements about "Big fat Indian wedding" and how the parents of the bride and the groom get a front row seat is better seemed to me like comparison to show one was better than the other. I apologize if I interpreted what you were trying to convey wrongly!

That's exactly what I am saying. Attitudes of people at a wedding are the only things that spoil the event and not the fact that they are big and fat and Indian or elegant and classy and western!

Peace!

 

This thread has got me to wondering, what % of Indian weddings make both sides happy?

I guess when marriages happen for all the wrong reasons of bringing the 2 people into marriage, niether side shall be happy sooner or later.
When the basic concept was right, none of the arrangements matter and people adjust and find their way out as any social gathering.

From the years of my life, I shall say that 20% :thumbsupof marriages that I saw left both the parties happy and 20% wedding ceremonies became a ground for divorce :hide: and remaining 60% an endless saga of what should have happened and dint happen & a lot of bitterness.

Above figures are only my observation and no general rule for Indian society.

 

ASG,

I am glad to have told you a happy ending story
I am not surprised to hear what you think of indian marriages since i am sure this forum was your main source of information. i understood from your posts that you are born and brought up in the US. I was born and brought up in India and believe me until i started reading this forum, i was completely unaware of these problems (though i have been married for 5 years)
i thought mostly these things are happening in rural areas but most threads begin with "I am software engineer working in MNC..." so i dont know what to think.
I agree with you that Indian culture is not the bestest of the best culture...indeed i had to change my thinking only after reading all the threads here...obviously the culture is not that great if there is this much suffering behind closed doors. I hope people just change and adapt to the changing times and not just hang on to stuff just for the heck of it.

Let me take this opportunity to tell you how much i admire your maturity of thought which is rarely seen in young people.