zero communication-how to start talking with DH

1.5 years and still no communication? Oh my....
My dear, talking is not nagging. Talking is talking. If it were the same, there wouldn't have been two words.
Its OK....for life long communication I am sure that you are OK to take the first step and 10 more after that. trust me its worth it.

Your husband isn't opening up...so you could start with something like, "you know what our daughter did today...." If he listens and keeps quite then you could try another conversation something like, "apparently when I was young...." After that don't stop. You can ask, "how about you, what was your experience as a child"?
when you keep initiating topics like this and keep asking him "how about you" I am sure slowly he will open up. Worth trying.

 

I am going to sound rude here...but pls tell me in what way are you diff. from the so called nagging wives you were talking about?

You just had a baby. You are still feeding her. Your husband is understanding and not expecting you to do more except to take care of the baby. Inspite of you asking all those silly questions to initiate a conversation...still he was patiently answering but short answers...and STILL YOU HAVE A PROBLEM..so by the way who is the nagging one here??So do not look down upon others issues..Everyones issue is big for them may not be for us as we are not in teh situation.


coming to your problem...How many months old is your baby? If your baby is just couple of weeks or coupleof months old, most of the time you would be tired and still those hormones would make you feel all that weak, and dull and down..I understand your husband can talk and keep you in conversation..but might be he is a MAN of LESS WORDS. However one thing you have to see is..he is not ignoring you or your questions.

But still if you feel you both are not able to connect back again.. give sometime for all that. Becuase birth of a baby is a very stressful time to both mom and dad..so may be he has his own worries and thinking about responsibilities an dplanning etc..so look at bright side.

Plan for one evening , after you put your baby to sleep, dress well, order some food, or make something which is quick and easy and arrange for a candle light dinner at home..just music and dinner...Moreover dont think that to connect with each other you have to talk..sometimes silence also speaks volumes..so enjoy each others company.. Be with him for sometime with no worries of baby or talks about baby etc..ask him how is his work at office, how is he coping up with work , did he take any leave for your delivery? if yes then am sure there would be loads of work piled up at office..so ask about it..

Also please do not feel that you sound desperate or that you have to take initiatve etc..you both are couple..one soul..one family..you both now have a baby...how does it matters who makes the first move? as long as you both are happy!

 

1droplove, I remember reading some of your earlier posts and I remember you as being very patient.

One and half years of marriage with a baby and no communication... is not good. It is really nice that you want to make this work and are trying hard. But when it comes to normal conversation, don't try too hard. Just be yourself and talk freely. The more you think... like, how is he answering my questions, is he going to be mad at me if I talk, he may not like to talk about this topic etc........ the more you are pressurizing yourself. Although you do have your reasons to be concerned, try not to analyze and relax while having conversations.

 

@1DROPLOVE,
sorry for ur situation...maybe go to ur parents place and discuss this prob with them. I think u r all alone in ur house.

Most importantly take care of urself and the baby.

Maybe u and ur parents can convince ur dh to go for marriage counselling.

I can understand your position. I have been in the same boat with my mil cursing my unborn child (her grandchild) that he will be retarded.:rant
I don't live with my in laws anymore but my 3 yr old has been advised speech therapy. Feeling lost as well:drowning sorry for my whining.

Take urself and ur child away from that house for sometime at least.

 

Hi 1droplove ,

I feel a lot by seeing your username itself.That apart.

Seeing your issues , I get reminded of my days my days which have recently improved after 6 yrs.

So your husband will not improve soon, Guys like you explained are like that there are n number of reasons.But not to despirit and put you in despair but as a truth that changes take time.
Good and bad news is that sounds like he will improve after getting big shocks or many small shocks.Shocks like totally illogical stuff your MIL & SIL does that has by no has any explaination on this earth.

I went thru a phase where my DH who is very intellect in the external world but used to agree on crap from my MIL and asked me to follow all that , But if rules were for him , he denied and MIL was ok saying he is boy.
So I confronted him that how can you have double standards where old rules you can break but not me .Also showed him how he behaves if same situation arises in his office and at home , how he behaves differently.
Also apprised him of how ethics works , and reminded that ethics that are unethical at office are unethical here too , like I questioned him how he will behave in office for untouchability(postpartum untouchability in mycase at home) at office, slapping subordinate/manager , Silent treatment to manager/team on important issues , Misbehaving with manager due to inapropriate canteen food / company t-shirt of not his brand . I plainly asked if he can do same at home with me , which he did like slapping,silent treatment ,no sex and his mother did like when my parents gifted somethign she misbehaved with me for that dress not of her exact taste.
So we have to make them come out of the fake and dirty comfortable world which they live in at our expense.
What I would say is confront logically , siting correct examples.
If is not open to communicating , then just ask him that you would like to talk to him for exact 1/2 an hour with "an open mind" where both will talk without interrupting the other. Always give him the first chance and ask him the list of things he would like to improve ( listen to it , note it , you may not agree with some , but later after u finish your points go back to them and answer truly what you feel about them)

See , My husband didnt even initially agree for talks , I had to make him meet a relationship counselor without telling him ( I introduced her as a free counselor from my company for "how to raise a happy child" ;-) ) so he was ok and she took the matter to relationship very tactically and he atleast started communicating to me after that.

Also I would ask you to properly articulate your issues and define them separately and properly before talking to him , it may take 3 days to 1 week to think on them.Some issues may be complex and confused, try analsying little more on them and simply state to your DH that you find it complex and is confused over them .

Hope something from suggestion helps you.

Be careful to have a discusion in closed room when no one else disturbs you OR outside in coffee day/ park OR night OR afternoon when baby sleeps and your doors are closed OR when your IL's are out.Else they may jump in and unconditionally support your DH and he feels he can say and ignore anything.

 

1droplove,
ur probs are genuine...i think u r also feeling very low after ur baby was born...it happened to me as well...hated everybody and everything around me esp my inlaws...went nd stayed with my parents for 2 months...got a break...my husband refused to let me stay any longer.

enjoy ur time with ur kid now...i remember being so engrossed with my own worries that i did not enjoy my little one as much as i shud have.

talk to ur dh about ur probs...patiently tell him what bothers u...ur sil nd mil are trying to create a rift b/w u nd dh. Don't fall into the trap. what cheap tactics...