Your turning point.

Incarnation,

I didn't always have the happy married life I have today.

Dh's and mine early married life was very troubled... mostly from my mil's interference, and also it was our own fault for letting her control us. So fault lies with both mil and us.

The turning point came when I realized we were having more unhappy days together than happy ones. And I started to wonder 'what is the point of this marriage if it is going to be like this'?

It was at that point where I vowed to myself that I was never going to be made miserable by anyone else again. Either I would live happy with my dh, or live happy without him... but definitely not live unhappy with him. That was no longer an option to me, because I was fed up with being sad and miserable.

I talked with him and let him know where I stood. I made it clear that he needed to chose between his mom or me. I said he needed to stop acting on her words and letting her remote control our lives, or this marriage was over! It wasn't a threat.... it was simply an analysis of what our marriage was... nearly over!

Today I share a good relationship with my dh and my inlaws. And I feel, my dh made a good choice (me ). I feel... you can only have one mom in life, and one wife. And a mom needs to be a mom, and a wife needs to be a wife. Neither should try to cross over into each other's territory. If a mom tries to push her son's wife out of his life... it is up to the son to stop that. My mil makes the best mom to my dh, and I make the best wife to my dh. Now that my mil understands that, we've had a good relationship.

So that's my turning-point story.

 

Mine was an arranged marriage; in the sense that DH and I were talking over the phone for just one month and then got married. We both were living in different countries because of work and Visa constraints for 8 months. I think because of this long distance, we used to end up in constant fights. Our in-laws interference was really less. Its just between the both of us...the separation dint sink in well at all. Of course there were things going on at in-laws side too but mostly its between us both.

Almost everyday I used to cry myself to sleep and he used to be upset. One fine day I had enough. I started wondering why we are fighting so much. Why...both of us have changed so much that we dread to take each others calls. Is it advisable even to relocate to his country now...should i separate..all sorts of thoughts.
Out of the blue it strikes. I started going back to day 1 of our meeting. I realized he basically is a good person. So, I used that as my starting point. I started looking things from his eyes, from the view that he is a good man. That's when I started seeing his point.
I think that was my turning point. Our relationship started improving drastically. When my demeanor changed, he too changed. We fought less frequently. Slowly there came a time when we have one of those occasional fights (like most married couple) but we deal with it soon.

 

Uhh.... just be careful with that statement. Whenever you issue an ultimatum, you've got to be prepared to be the loser. When I told my dh to chose between me and his mom, I fully accepted that he MAY chose his mom and then I would have to pack my bags and start my life over. So it's really a loaded statement and you've got to be ready to hear something you don't want to hear.

Also, the change in your hubby won't come from any words you say or ultimatums you give (they can only get him to THINK). It would have to be a change HE wants. He would have to decide that in addition to YOU wanting to save the marriage, HE wants it too. In order to support you in front of his parents, he'd have to want it from his own heart.... else he'll never find the strength to stand up to them.

 

Ouch, I really feel for you then. When I was in that phase of not know where my relationship was at, how my dh felt, where my future was headed... my stomach was in knots every day! It was an extremely stressful time in my life! :bonk

Whenever things get tough, just remind yourself that nothing lasts forever... and that this too shall pass. That thought got me through a lot of the hard moments. I hope your dh decides to support you. Loving your parents is a natural and great thing. But becoming so obsessed with them that it ruins your life, your marriage, and your future, is not healthy. A lot of Indian men seem to have a hard time differentiating between love and obsession. So give your dh time to figure it all out.

 

well Dear My life hasn't turned yet but My MIl Life turned after 35 years of her amrraife when here MIL died. MY FIL used to be a domination orthodox husband who used to beat and torture my MIl and now he has become henpecked and he cut all his contacts with his own brothers and sisters.
My elder Sis in law life turned after 10 yrs of her marriage life after her MIl died of cancer till the day she was alisve she tortured my MIl.
Now I ahve one example of my cousin. whose MIL is stilla alive but her life turned becoz after 15 yrs of her married life her Sis in law got marrie who was tortured like hell at her inlaws place. before that my cousin used to suffer in like hell daily living with MIl and taunting sis in alw. but tegh day her sis in law got married to more torturous inlaws there was a situation where no one from her family was allowedto talk to her except my Cousin so my cousin's status raised and even if her Mil wants to poke her her FIla nd DH supports her and made her teh queen of the house. This is her turning point. I am just waiting for the turning point to happen in my life.