Your thoughts.

Just 1 single thing Monita...You can do nothing to stop all this. WHat should matter to you is that your son and DH love you, give you all the respect and value you need to have...What impression is given to relatives should not stress you. I have read in many posts here that some ilites from their experience say that wives hould not even speak to their DH's against his mom...I personally do not agree to this , instead I would like to mould this and say that it should be shared with DH in PROPER way.... I have been sharing almost everything with him but in a way that should not sound as disrespect for his mom...My motive is always just that whenever an issue comes before him that usually does when I am off to somehwere or after months when some other point arises..then few are shot together...so that time, he knows what had eaxctly happened and who was really at fault. I have never expected him to speak for me in front of his parents....he keeps mum..at times I have in fact backanswered them...he keeps mum but then I know I have not lost any love or respect from his heart cos he already knew what happened I am happy with that

 

Monita, sorry to hear about your situation. Same thing has happened to me before though I dont stay with ILs. If I were in your place I would try and develop thicker skin in case MIL has to stay with me long-term. You will in all probability outlive her and at that time you will have the satisfaction of having done your best with her. As PP said, focus on your relationship with DH and DS.

 

Dear Monita,

U are exactly in my shoes, (of course MIL is no more now) they are made that way and will die one day with their inborn characteristics, so there is no way u can change them.

u said she complains behind your back, but my MIL will make sure that I hear her when she complains about me, she continuously bad mouthed about me to my SIL's that now I look like a villain to them. They refuse to believe what ever my DH explains to them.

I have tried many ways, explaining my point to her, being friendly with her, trying to have an open talk with her, cold treatment, answering back, but nothing worked, all I did was ignoring her .

 

This is something I always wonder about. How can we convince elders (particularly ILs) that it is our responsibility to bring up our 'son' to adjust to the next generation needs. I am talking about 'son' here because, the above complaint wouldn't be there otherwise I guess.

Has anyone tried to convince them not to interfere too much in this matter. If so please post your tips.

 

In your own words monita you have rightly stated she is only concerned about herself. Which is true to most mil i think. If they were really concerned about their sons and grandkids they would not create so many issues. I know its very tough to hear it daily
I would say just think of it as a signs of a senile person if possible. After few yrs of marriage, now i dont care what she says or thinks behind my back but atleast she does not say anything like that to me or my husband. Thats because my husband knows how much i have put up with. And i dont really care if she complains to my dh itself i have told him to just take iall the negativity all by himself and keep me out of it ) its his mother let him suffer )... sometimes, ignorance is bliss ... jsut get out of the house or do something which will distract you from her.