Your thoughts on Child Spacing

May I also add your own parenting preferences in addition to depends on the temperament of the first child. You may already know I've been wanting another child for a while now and was hoping to convince DH about it so that we could have our second (non-biologically and therefore could take longer) by the time K turns 2.5
When he turned around 2 I realised neither is he ready to share the space with another kid, leave alone a sibling, nor are we in a position to provide the intense 24x7 parenting we want to do with both the kids. I have nothing but respect for parents who do 24x7 kind of parenting with both kids, but often it takes a toll on the parents and their relationship. I would love to have started adoption process when K is around 2.5 to 3, but it looks like we will have to wait till he is in a more secure place.

 

Hi,
I have two kids. Elder one is 6 years and the younger one is 18 months. I went in for this spacing of four and a half years as I wanted to accumulate 7-8 months leave in office in addition to the maternity leave. But now I feel a lesser gap would have been better.

I feel so because my elder one has already developed a liking/ interests of his own which tend to leave the younger one out. But yes, the younger one idolizes her brother and tries to do/play whatever he is interested in. Like yesterday, both of them were colouring. Though my daughter is small, she tries to follow my son.

And as rightly bought out by Sakshi, the physical strength of the mother matters a lot. Two kids is fun but also a lot of work for the parents.

Riyasmommy, even I went for a second one as I wanted my son to have a sibling and believe me, it has been the best decision made by me. They play, fight, shout, make up and most importantly have so much fun with each other. As I have mentioned in another thread, my daughter cries when her brother goes to school and not when her mother goes to office. So yes even though it is physically tiring, it is worth it for the kids. It has made my son more responsible.

Parenting is a lot more fun the second time around (it has been for me at least) as the first time I was learning parenting and just being busy doing things the right way but now I am just enjoying her growing up. It is definitely easier for me the second time around.

BTW Riyasmommy, I loved your avatar and after seeing it, got the same pose for my daughter. It has come out really nice: )

Payal

 

Hi Raj.. nice thread to start. dont know how i missed this poll yesterday.

If all goes well with my 2nd pregnancy my 2 LOs would be 3.2 years apart. This was well planned between my hubb and me when the first thing clicked. Even when i was in my first pregnancy, i used to ask him to be prepared to 'start trying' for the next one when this girl turned 2, and it clicked when she was about 2.4yrs. i had a friend who was the only child for her parents. With parents who were both busy with their medical profession, she got into certain psychiatric complications during her teens. so i was averse to staying with just one child.

Siblings who are 2-3 years apart should be at ease with each other and get along well.. no doubt. From parenting perspective, i am still not there to say if my decision is perfect (the plan was more coz of my growing age, growing age of my inlaws/parents who would need to take care of my kid/myself).

i guess, both of them should be able to grow along with each other. though the pregnancy itself is tiring, its not very demanding. i dont feel guilty when there is a day i dont attend to my LO's daily routine or say, teach her something. i can afford to let her just play or sometimes do nothing. going forward, i can afford to let her take breaks from school when my next one is born and i hv to leave her at my inlaws place. i am also planning for 2 schools next academic year for her.. one close to my mom's place and the other one near where i stay. this wudn't hv been possible if she was say 6 or 7 when leave alone the studies, there are not many schools in chennai that might let us do that. even afterwards, i guess both their needs to be similar, if not exactly the same, and i should be able to attend to both of them together. my learning with the first one can be implemented on the second one before its forgotten. all these are the practical aspects i thought about before i thot i wasn't doing anything wrong.

 

hi,
as a dreamy teenager i used to fanasticise of an adoring hubby & two kids .i decided 2 yrs would be an ideal gap as my bro was 2.2 yrs younger then me & great companion to me till now.
then when ds was nearly 15 mths old i missed my periods .i was scared as i was not mentally prepared & i felt its too early.i was relieved when i got them 1 week later.
when he turned 2 ,again he looked so small to me that i could not bear the thought of another child as i felt he would he neglected.he started his play group when he was 2 yrs 4 mths old.within months he got independent.i mean he would play alone in a room , started bathing himself ,taking fruits/water himself without being told to do so.i realised my ds is now a big boy & its the right time to think about the 2nd one.well,i have another son who was born 3 yrs 6 mths & 12 days after the 1st one.
now,the younger one will turn 1 in may & time seemed to have flying .
so my vote is for the 2nd option.
pragati

 

Hi,

Well this Question has been on my Mind for quite sometime, though for me its too late , but yet we are not yet fully ready to go for another Child. My son who is 4 years now, would love to have a Sibling..... but we have been in US only for one year now and with the current Economic Turmoil, i feel its little risky to go for another baby.... .

Though there has been Constant pressure from my parents, and we do understand their Concern but are helpless.... As me & my husband feel we should be able to give the Best for our child. so for us mainly its Financial Part we are worried about.... we would like to have settled a bit in a new country before going for the other kid .

But i am also sacred about me Aging and also have doubts about huge age gap between Kids.... Lets see :hiya

vaidehi

 

hi vaidhei,
just wanted to share something with u .my mother says'aa na wala apani kismet saath la tha ha.'( a child brings his own destiny).believe me i found it correct with my both sons.(my dh was without work both times & within days after birth found too good to be true break)
pragati

 

I would say there's nothing defined in this context. Each parent has to decide based on their comfort levels and many other factors such as age,cost of living etc. I have seen different kinds of people (parents) and can say that some believe age diff is better some believe its not.
I personally feel every option has its own pros and cons. With little spacing, its true that kids grow up together as buddies but moms health is the primary deciding factor here.Back-to-back pregnancies will make the women weak leaving no time for personal care in case she does not have anyone to help (especially in US)

While the kids are aged apart, atleast till the elder kid goes to KG, then mom can make sure both the kids are well taken care of but the downside here being other things.

Nevertheless, there are parents who try to achieve the best of any option by doing their best.

I feel sad to some of my friends who initially decided that they would enjoy the marital life, few of them got their first preg terminated and could not conceive later till date.

My kids are 6yrs apart and im 100% content about it. My elder one is not very protective about his sis but they are good playmates. Sometimes i feel my li'l one is picking up things faster and behaves like an elder sis to his brother.

Just my 2 cents

vani

 

hi Raj

Nice thread.

I voted for 2-4 years.

my two kids (elder one girl and second is boy) having 3 years 3 months difference. I feel it was very appropriate as my daughter care her brother very much as of now. And she used to help me in taking care of him.

Regards
Shiji