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Your thoughts on Child Spacing

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by Riyasmommy, Mar 23, 2009.

Child Spacing

  1. I think siblings should be close together in age (18 mos. to 2 years)

    7 vote(s)
    28.0%
  2. I think siblings should be spaced further apart (2 to 4 years)

    13 vote(s)
    52.0%
  3. Totally depends on the temperament of the first child.

    5 vote(s)
    20.0%
  1. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Hey all, wondering what your opinions are on child spacing in this age of parenting - how far apart should siblings be? Please take this poll, and also feel free to jot down your thoughts and share from both viewpoints -

    1. Relationship between the siblings
    2. Effect on parents and their parenting

    Raj
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
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  2. poorniyuv

    poorniyuv New IL'ite

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    Hi

    I think option 1 is best...The kids grow up playing,sharing fighting with one another.....a good foundation for their future relationship.......
     
  3. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Poorni, thanks for the reply.

    Would you mind sharing why you think siblings close in age are better? What about from the parenting point of view?

    Raj
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009
  4. Sakshi

    Sakshi Senior IL'ite

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    Raj,

    You spoke my mind. I have been thinking about the same thing for a few months ..err...years now. I keep going back and forth and am as indecisive as I was in the first place.

    Before I got pregnant with my princess, I always wanted or "thought" I wanted my kids to be about 18 months apart. I believed that was the right difference because my sis is about 18 months younger. We never needed friends, we fought, we played together and we had each other's support through the school years. My dad got transferred a lot and we never had any jitters or qualms about being in a new school or making friends. We knew we had each other and could count on each other.

    But as I got older, I started to feel neglected. She was more fragile, needed more help in school work etc.,. I was always independent. So that made me wonder if I should spend more time with my princess and let her get more attention before I bring someone new in. Now my princess is almost three and has started asking why she does not have a brother or a sister. So maybe she is ready but the thought of disrupting our life is scary. We finally have a routine in place, we are finally able to go places, do things with our T and now the thought of starting all over is scary.

    I have seen my friend's kid who was almost 7 yrs older and she loved her little brother. Seeing that I felt maybe bigger age difference would be better. But then again, I don't think she was loving and adoring her brother every minute. Wonder if she had any sibling rivalry going on. I don't know and could not ask my friend either. But I don't think I can wait till T turns 7.

    But I am going to go head first now. My biological clock is ticking and I feel, the older i get the more impatient I get. So IF I am going to have another child, now is the time, provided god intends me to have another one. So if I do get pregnant as I wish, T would be about 3.5-4 yrs older than her sibling. She will be a wonderful big sis with her diva moments..:)

    Lets see what god proposes. I would be interested to hear other inputs.

    Sakshi..:)
     
  5. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    The choice not listed on this is what is the proper spacing for the physical health of the mother vis a vis the delivery......
     
  6. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    Sakshi, thanks for your reply. It is confusing, isn't it this whole child spacing dilemma? I have talked to so many of my friends, and some say the first option is better and some say that the second option worked out better for them.

    tashi, the whole reason of this poll for me was to see other moms' viewpoint on sibling relationships and the effect either options have on parenting and the time they get to spend with the kids etc. I wasn't really looking from the health point of view at all - mental health... yes, maybe. :) I personally think there should be some age difference between kids otherwise I would go crazy meeting the demands of two high-need individuals.

    Raj
     
  7. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    Raj:
    I understand what the initial question was but I wanted to spark mothers to think about their physical and also mental welfare. We as humans have a tendency to look at what we want and not what will work in a more total sense. If there is no welfare of the mother the whole household is negatively affected. I think based on your answer that you have good health and therefore are not thinking about this but there are lots of women who have issues that will affect their family number and spacing. I think this is a legitimate thing to think about in a poll.

    If I have spoken out of turn, please forgive.

    Tina
     
  8. Aadhusmom

    Aadhusmom Gold IL'ite

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    It all depends on what is "close" for you isnt it? I voted for Option 1 but for me "close together" means anything from 2 to 4 years. A difference of more than that I think means the 2 arent likely to be playmates - they will fight and have rivalry issues for sure at any age and beyond 15-16 years the whole age difference thing may not mean much anyway. Less than 2 years would have meant a "crazy" mom in my case :) Anyway I'm not all that convinced about even having a second child - maybe i'll change my mind...

    Vanathi.
     
  9. Riyasmommy

    Riyasmommy Silver IL'ite

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    tashi, I understand what you are saying and moms are free to write what they think of health issues too.

    Vanathi, based on your answer I have edited the poll options.

    Raj
     
  10. Pavarun

    Pavarun Silver IL'ite

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    Raj, for me too, "close" means 2-4 years (I don't consider 18 months - 2 years as an option - don't know how some moms do that...). However the choice for each family depends on temperament of the child, family finances, maternal age & health and so many other reasons.

    For me when I had P, I was so sure I was done with one. When he was around 2 was when we felt we could have another one. We wanted them to be able to play with each other rather than have a 5-7 year gap. Our boys are 3.5 years apart.

    With daycare/preschool costs, I know some families opt to have the second one after the first one enters the school system so only one is in full time daycare at any time. Thus finances can be a consideration for some families.
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2009

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