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Your relationship with your parents after marriage

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sandu, Aug 10, 2008.

Do you share the bad comments made by your in laws and husband with your parents?

  1. Of course, each and every thing.

    14 vote(s)
    17.5%
  2. Only those that wouldn't create a big misunderstanding.

    41 vote(s)
    51.3%
  3. None of them.

    25 vote(s)
    31.3%
  1. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    No not about my DH, not even to my sibblings.

    But when my inlaws hurt me the most and I have to tell my feelings to someone then I tell my Mom but never made this as my habbit, only on a few occasions when it becomes unbearable for me.
     
  2. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks ladies for reviving this old thread. I too agree with you who say that though we tend to forget our in-laws' and spouse's wrong-doings, our parents remember them, partly because their daughter was hurt and partly because they have not witnessed the changed behavior of these people. I think in the long run, it helps us if we keep things to ourselves.

    Mikepiker, thanks for the excerpt from The Bible. I am amazed at the clarity and modern outlook though it was written so long back...

    ShilpaMa, sad to read your story... why dont u just try keeping your parents out of your worries? Why do you have to update them?

    Sandhya
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2009
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Sandhu, I myself try my best to stop being an open book to my parents who have enuff health/ old age worries to themselves.

    However my MIL has held my weak nerve.. that my dad is a heart patient & v emotional... hence she has to escalate even the smallest issue to them now which ends in a bad health for my dad.... & then the story begins... "WHY DO I HAVE TO HEAR YOUR IL SIDE ONLY & WHY DONT I KNOW WHAT WENT WRONG ACC TO YOU"... so i keep them ready ahead of big drama & make sure that they're not deeply hurt with a sudden blow call either from my DH or my MIL.
    Despite my repeated requests to not to involve my parents & deal with me directly.. they turned a deaf ear & infact picked it as a weak pt.

    My dad is too kind hearted to over trust ppl & assume that alls well when the waters are calm... however its only when the alligator strikes he's not able to take it & generally suffers some health setback.
     
  4. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    ShilpaMa, what you in-laws are doing seems to be atrocious. What is the use of escalating things to you father? Have you tried telling your in-laws that that will not help? Have you told them that you are willing to pay attention to them only if they deal with you directly? They seem to be playing games like children complaining to the teacher! Tell them that you are grown up and handle your matters yourself and them going to your parents is of no use. Their problem will not be solved... Probably if they still do not listen, you can try telling them that hereafter you father will pass on such complaints to X, Y, Z which makes the world come to know of your family problems. And what a shame that will be! Let us see if that works :crazy
    Sandhya
     
  5. veni30

    veni30 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    it depends on what kind of things you are hiding from your parents. if you are happy at in-law's house, that's fine. if not, any abuse or any problems, you should definitely let them know. caz they are the only ones in the whole world that can understand and support.

    in my case, i was suffering alot with my mentally abusing and control freek husband but didn't let anybody know about that. my husband was blaming and cursing my parents all the time and i didn't let them know.They didn't have a clue when all of a sudden, when my parents come to our house to help me with my second delivery, my husband could not bear them in our house and he started behaving as the most indecent person in the world. he started shouting and screeming at the, saying "don't u have shame to come to daughter's house?" , blackmailing them,...etc. they could not even eat at my home after they knew what kind of person he is. they could not even go back to india as soon as they came to know about him. he simply said, we can't change the tickets. you should have had that before coming here.

    They were thinking i was happy in us, but then they came to know what kind of life i was leading. since then, for the past three yrs, even though i say i'm okay, they are always worried about me thousand miles away.
     

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