Your relationship with your parents after marriage

Hi sandhya,

Nice question. My answer is "Definitely NO"....I am not comfortable in discussing all those happenings in in-laws whatever it be either positive or negative. Likewise i dont talk about my blood relatives in my in-laws place.we may feel better when we share things with our close one's but considering their age factor i never attempt to do that. Without knowledge they might get worried or hurt thinking about we the kids and our life in in-laws place.Y unneccsary confusions so i totally avoid. Just a general talk about health, food and the routines thats it.

 

I'm really in awe of you, Cindhuja.. well I'm not that a mature person. I do tell my parents things that really bother me about my in-laws but i must say my parents very well know that i'm just emptying myself out. They don't worry/create a scene over my discussions. Sometimes I do tell about DH but only to take my mom's help i.e. to reflect how i should handled such a situation.

 

I sometimes tell my Dad comments made about me by ILs (never DH though) but usually in a "Arent they crazy? Wasnt that funny?" kind of way so we can laugh about it together. I never tell him about any comments made about him or other close family members by ILs or DH. I do use my Dad as a sounding board when I have big decisions to make or when something the ILs are doing bothers me a lot and I need an older person's perspective/advice.In general I think that IL/DH issues are best handled by me as an individual without dragging him into it.

Vanathi.

 

No point in blaming him mama's boy and then we running to our parents, eh?

I guess its best if we keep the boats separate. parents and ILs. It ain't healthy to discuss things.

 

HI there

this is a special and sensitive area for me as i am in a love marraige and it took me really long to convince my parents. And, even though they like the guy - partly coz i chose him and partly coz they like him so far - his parents are a BIG NO as per my dad's dictionary. My in-laws are quite money-minded, very reactive, and basically not even close to what my father was looking for my in-laws to be.
And as i said, my in-laws are pretty reactive ppl, they have comments and harsh words about every other person, every other activity going on. And i purposely do not share any of this with my parents or else it would aggrevate their dislike for them.
SO, i stay quite and dont talk much about my in-laws in front of my parents. I know that is sad but i cant help it bonk

Charu..

 

I discuss most of the things happening at IL place to my mom. Its more of a venting out speech than taking any decisions based on that... I do it because I feel relieved after that.. Even my parents understand me so they don't get worried unneccessarily coz of that

 

I do talk to my mom about my in-laws and hubby coz I need her moral support. As she is much more matured than I am she gives me good insight. Till date she has not decided anything in my favor which would affect my DH/ In-laws. Instead she calms me down and tells me how to react and act on different situations. Since my in-laws are very tricky and cunning, which is a 180 degree contrast to my personality, I need my mom's feedback on my move to deal with their sarcacism.

But yeah, at times I really feel bad of sharing everything with them coz they get tensed and bothered. Both my parents are high B.P. and diabetic patients. So, if I put them under any stress with my unhappiness, it affects their health, though they never tell me. However, I realize thant try not to inform them everything. I normally contact them when I become highly indecisive.

 

I have never been in that bad a situation, but somethings i do talk to my mom. If i don't then my MIL sometimes calls and discuss it with her. But there is no back biting.

We all share a very healthy relationship.

Touchwood.

 

Hi Sandhya,
Good thread.
I do tell my parents about the happenings in my in law's place but only to some extent.Some incidents and some comments i edit and likewise to my in law's too though i tell a lot about my parents and the happenings but not all. But I do take care there is no exaggeration or lies. I tell them only the truth and be tight lipped about the matters which affect the peace of mind of both the parties. Afterall we have to do the balancing act and keep both the people happy.