Your Perspective On This Situation...

godsgp · Dec 31, 2024

I received an invitation last week from my neighbor for " Sunder Kand Paath",due today (31st December/New year's eve) at her house. No occasion, just for acknowledging and showing gratitude to God almighty.
In north India people end up being very jubilant and usually break into a dance on bhajans.
Women are as excited for these meets as their kitties. Everyone dresses up and looks forward to some fun after the "paath" is "sampann".
In a twist of events ,a death occurred yesterday in the same neighborhood just two houses away from the hosts.
Now the cremation and celebration are both scheduled on the same day and one after the other.
The host of the celebration plans to continue as such and the neighbourhood plans to attend both.
Condoling one and celebrating with the other.
Neither the host nor the ladies are planning to go low key.
I am equally close/distant to both households but think it would have been more appropriate if the one celebrating opted for low key event in the light of new circumstances. Perhaps, a family meet with close relatives without making it into a big affair should be sufficient.
Personally it would be hard for me to change gears from condolence meet/cremation to celebration but people are more casual about it which I see as a social strength.
I am a bit perplexed and would like to know the perspective and opinion of others here on the situation.

Rihana · Dec 31, 2024

godsgp said: ↑

I am a bit perplexed and would like to know the perspective and opinion of others here on the situation.
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I think it depends largely on the dynamics of the neighborhood, how close-knit people are and whether there’s a complete overlap between the attendees of both events. Ideally, postponing the Paath as a mark of respect would be thoughtful, but if that’s not the case, it’s fine too. People have their own ways of processing grief and coping with the realities of life and death.

I recall a wedding that took place shortly after a grandmother passed away. The family chose to go ahead with the wedding, skipping a few rituals. The other side was fully willing to postpone but the wedding happened as planned. It was a practical approach as we all know postponing a wedding at short notice is very expensive and a hassle. It was a balance of honoring the deceased while celebrating a new beginning. The younger relatives were initially quiet, but after a while relieved to be able to celebrate as planned and dress as planned.

If I were a neighbor in this situation, I would personally choose to skip the Paath and spend more time with the bereaved family. They will note and remember who went or didn't to the Paath. However, if I were hosting the Paath, I would proceed with it but in a more subdued and somber manner to acknowledge the loss within the community. And, if I were the one to pass away : ) I would hope all Paaths and any previously scheduled celebrations go on as planned, no changes. : )

MalStrom · Jan 1, 2025

Was the deceased an elderly person?

godsgp · Jan 2, 2025

I think it depends largely on the dynamics of the neighborhood, how close-knit people are and whether there’s a complete overlap between the attendees of both events.
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This is a close knit community and there is a 100% overlap between the attendees.
I can confidently update that most people chose to doll up to attend the paath and skip the cremation.
Probably what bothered me and what I was looking for here and is upholding of the old values which look like are almost on the verge of oblivion.
Probably why I posted was to verify that how many people still think like me or I am already obsolete.

I would proceed with it but in a more subdued and somber manner to acknowledge the loss within the community.
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This was what I was expecting. But people go on to lament "Arey! Saara maza khrab ho jeyaga!"And proceed anyways.

godsgp · Jan 2, 2025

Was the deceased an elderly person?
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Yes.

satchitananda · Jan 2, 2025

It would have been really thoughtful of the hosts to postpone the paath, especially since the attendees overlapped and even if they did not. Otherwise this could have been a prayer session for the departed soul. What is the point of all the paaths if basic empathy is lacking?

Going ahead with a wedding is a different matter.

But I agree with Rihana, if I were the one who had passed on, I would have wanted people to get on with their lives. It is those who are left behind who could do with some consideration.

Rihana · Jan 2, 2025

godsgp said: ↑

This is a close knit community and there is a 100% overlap between the attendees.
I can confidently update that most people chose to doll up to attend the paath and skip the cremation.
Click to expand...

Let them? While on the surface, their choice may seem inappropriate, we don’t know their full story. We don’t know what they’re dealing with or what joy they might derive from the paath and the communal chanting and dancing.

On a lighter note, I've observed one thing in my conversations the past few years. When I say such things at the dining table to my family, like commenting on other people's choices, I tend to end it with "but then what do I know" or "who am I to say what they should do." : ) As if adding that rhetorical question makes me less of a "commenting" person. : )

SGBV · Jan 3, 2025

As @Rihana pointed out, if I were the one who had passed away, I would prefer my family to mourn for a day or two, while my neighbourhood continued their lives without letting my passing disrupt their plans or dreams unnecessarily.

Coincidentally, we attended a New Year’s celebration at our church, something we had prepared for over a month and were eagerly anticipating. It was a community event. However, on the afternoon of December 31st, one of our beloved neighbours, a man in his late 60s, passed away suddenly.

The news sent the entire neighbourhood to his home before his body arrived from the hospital. Many seemed to prioritize visiting early so they could still get ready for the New Year’s Eve party at the church that night.

Since some didn’t want to attend a funeral as the first thing on New Year’s Day, they postponed their visits to the bereaved family until the 2nd. Nonetheless, the funeral itself was well-attended by his close family and friends from various places, showing that those who truly mattered to him were present to pay their respects.

Ultimately, the impact of someone’s demise reflects how they lived. Those who truly cared will always show up, while for others, it comes down to their priorities.

Nowadays, people have grown accustomed to viewing death as a natural part of life, even within families. However, sudden or tragic deaths, especially those involving criminal acts, still tend to evoke collective mourning within a community.

Viswamitra · Jan 3, 2025

In my view, paying respect to the departed soul stands as a priority over the celebrations. @godsgp, I think exactly the way you feel at this point. It is more important to be with the mourning family than the one who celebrates especially if it is not a wedding or other important events. It is all the more important if 100% of the people overlap.

If anything were to happen to me, I expect the country to mourn my death and all the flags to be half mast. Just kidding! I am insignificant enough for my physical death not to attract much attention. But I know my true Self is immortal. Moreover, I was not going to be there to watch or express my preference and even if I express my preference ahead of my death, I can't guarantee what family members were going to do. Frankly, I neither like people mourning for a long period of time nor people celebrating my death, if I were to pass away! I have zero expectations of what should happen after my life.