Your Opinions And Suggestions On Meeting A Friend After 1.5 Decades

I met this guy 1.5 decades back when I was just a teen.
He was 4-5 years older to me, and an Engineering undergraduate by then.

We had spent some times (~1 year) together and became friends during this. There were some other great friends in our gang too.
I liked him so much and felt so close to him emotionally. Definitely it was "more" than a friendship. He too had similar feelings for me, but we neither expressed it, nor proceeded it further.

Since I had bigger dreams ahead of me, I could not focus on anything that could distract me.
More so, I was very much controlled by my parents (mom), and that worried me so much.

He, on the other hand, tried to propose at several occasions, but I pretended to be so dumb, so that I could postpone it at least until the end of the program.
Basically, I didn't wanna make a scene by rejecting him. I wasn't ready to cut all the ties with him after the rejection either.
I still treated him as a special friend despite of that "disturbing" feelings I had for him.
We were anyway to separate in a few months after "that" program we participated together.

On the last day of that event, he openly asked me whether I am an idiot or I don't have any feelings for him?
To which, I bluntly said NO.
And left everything abruptly. That precisely ended everything.

During that program, we promised to each other (and to other friends) to meet up at least once a year, at a particular place, during Christmas holidays.
But this happened well before all these mess happened.

I eagerly waited to see him on the first Christmas after our departure, and I felt a little matured by then to face anything that may come our way.
But he did not turn up.
A few Christmas's passed by and I could not meet him anywhere. Neither I looked for him, nor did he turn for me.
Eventually I met my H, fell in love (real matured love), and got married.

Almost a decade after, we met each other on the same spot accidentally. But this time, with our respective spouses + kid. It was a very quick/unplanned meeting though.
Since then we are friends on FB (but keeps a very low profile in FB)
My H knows about him, and our friendship (obviously not about that disturbing feeling) and any updates about him.
Looks like, his spouse knew about me prior to our accidental meeting.

Today, almost 1.5 decades after, we happened to talk for a while. Again accidently
All the talks were about our families, kids, job, place of living etc.... and absolutely nothing about our past.
We touched upon some old topics, about those common friends, instructors and their whereabouts. But nothing personal about us.
It felt refreshing, as I always felt some "disturbance" whenever I happened to think about him. Looks like, he is completely moved on, and happily settled with life.
Me too. I am happy with my own life, and priorities now.

Since he is in the city, he suggests for a meeting.
His family is not with him, as he is on an official trip here.

I too love to catch up with him again.

Please suggest me how best I should proceed further.

1) Go and meet him alone? Meet him with family (kids & spouse)? Meet him with spouse only? Meet him with a friend?
2) Any gift? I want to give him something memorable. I feel bad for abruptly leaving him last time, so to compensate that, I should give him something.
3) Most importantly, I feel we would end up being close once again after this meeting. Hopefully, we could clear a lot of air during this; thus feel free to interact via social media hereafter.
But do you think it will be the same like any "friendship"?
I have plenty of guy friends, and my H has no problems with that. But this one????
I wouldn't do anything if that gives a heartache to my H.

Am I over thinking???

Any thoughts????

 

Yes, I am excited to meet him again. It is definitely not like meeting any other guys. But I would be equally excited to meet any friend or relative if they are so close to my heart.

Well, answering to your second question... it is just an assumption. I am not sure yet.
We had so much in common, and we were getting alone quite well in the past.
But something in me always stopped me from interacting with him even though we had each others contacts, and FB links since we met (with families 5 yrs back).
I believe he would have felt the same too.
I always want to clear the air, and let our past be past.At least to be guilt free.

Hopefully, if that happens, I believe nothing could stop us from interacting further.
Basically both of us are very talkative and social
So, I assumed so.

And yes, I really wish if we could resume our friendship all over again. No amount of new friends can replace the warmth of an old friend.
But I worry about any misunderstanding or heartache our spouses may feel down the line. Because we are not friends from the scratch. We have a tiny baggage to carry with. right???

 

Dearies, thanks a lot for reading my post, and pouring in your suggestions.

I think, a lot of reading in between the lines have happened here. Let me clarify this one more time.

I had a crush on him when I was a teen.
You know how hormones play when you were a teen.
Even then, I had some maturity to say NO to this, and move on that time.
This crush was not even expressed in open.
We were the best buddies minus this "disturbing crush on each other".

We are in contact for the past 5 years, but we maintained it at the distance for a reason.
From my end, it was the anger, guilty, discomfort or whatever that stopped me from further interacting him despite of having his contact nos.
I assume, he too had similar reasons, or perhaps different reasons to stay away from me.

Since he came forward, and I reciprocated well by leaving all these baggage aside, I believe it is possible to interact as matured friends now.
At least it takes away your guilt, sadness, anger or whatever the discomfort you were feeling all these while.

I still have friends, a lot of them indeed.
But friendship of today is very different from those days.
Due to selfishness, family priorities, responsibilities etc, friendship takes the back seat in everyone's life as you grow old.
The friends of today are just friends for the sake of it. They are friends of convenience.
But back in our teen times, we had no baggage of responsibilities. We were the free birds, and those intimate friendship was something very real.

 

First of all, thanks a lot BDivya

Well, it is not about making a new friend. It is about resuming your friendship after decades with your best buddy.
It is great if my H and his wife joins the gang and we become family friends.
But that is not the primary focus here.

Can gifting create unwanted attention? Why?
Usually we spend a lot on selecting a nice-meaningful/memorable gift to our friends, specially for the ones who comes to meet us after ages.
What is there to play safe here?

I am sure, I would end up being very close to this friend if our meeting goes well as planned.
We were always close, and we had no bad feelings about each other until now.
Due to certain discomforts, as I explained above, we could not continue the kind of friendship we had back then.
But we are certainly moved on from that, and leading a very happy/peaceful lives.

Thanks for taking personal interest in my case!
Look... I am no longer an immature/hormonal teen. I am in my 30s, and a mother of two.
He is not my ex.
We were friends. Just that we both had a crush on each other for some times.
That too, my feelings were not even expressed. His feelings were not even reciprocated/understood by me.
And, we both had the maturity to leave it at that and move on with our respective lives at that very young age.

Now that, we are responsible adults, matured parents and we are happily married and loyal to our spouses.
We used to develop crush on several people as we pass our young-hormonal-age. Do we continue to feel the same crush and spark with those people all the time.
It is just a passing cloud, and we forget it as we move on with life.
But the friendship and the memories will last forever.

Unfortunately, we could not be in touch.
I no longer have any crush on him. For me, all those best memories of friendship and attachment stays in my mind.
I am sure, he too feels the same about me. Even that is what reflected in our last TP conversations, where we talked about everything under the sky, but nothing about "us".