Your child's temperament

I've been thinking about your question on-and-off Malaytha, just didnt find the time to post.

Here's something to read about it (if you havent done so already). I was reading my Ped Textbook yesterday and it talked about this so i was immediately reminded of your thread!

My DS's temperament - Medium-to-high activity, very low distractibilty, moderate intensity (occasional bursts of high-intensity), fairly regular/predictable, outgoing, easily adaptable to new things/people/places, very very persistent and generally a happy person.

It matches quite well with my own except on the stubborness - we are both stubborn people who like having our own way This is what the experts call "goodness of fit" and we fit well. I'm so glad this is so as I cant imagine what I would have done otherwise.

As for the problem you mentioned, maybe a few more details would help? Moms with older kids should be able to give some suggestions I think. The same site has another page with lots of suggestions for dealing with "difficult" kids. One more thing for you to read!

Vanathi.

 

Hi Malyatha,

My 3 year old's temperament is not very similar to mine - he is very active, high energy, difficult to pin down for tasks for an extended period of time (unless they are activities of his choosing and that too only some) etc and is in general very volatile. How do I manage? - I sometimes feel a little overwhelmed, but you do cope.

For your second question, what I have learned is to not make everything a battle. There are some things that are negotiable and some things that are non-negotiable. Let them have their own little wins. Picky eating - stopped bothering about this. My logic is that they will eat if they are hungry, no point in pushing. He may not eat a well balanced diet of 3 meals a day but taken over a week or two weeks it is not all that bad. Stubbornness - still struggling with this. (My personal take is whoever coined the word terrible twos either had given away their child after two years or had a wonderfully obedient or peaceful 3 year old) For me the 3's is the worst (so far). Again, having perspective and chanting "this too shall pass" helps. I think most kids turn out okay in spite of having wild 3's and their parents survive. Be firm in setting limits on some non-negotiable ones.

 

Malyatha,

Me and my boy share the same temperament and i find very difficult to manage him. But for DH (on most occasions) it's a breeze:hide:. Now i sort of understand where all I must change.. that's the positive I suppose!

On eating.. i follow Sindhu's rule too. I do not force him anymore and he comes by himself when he is hungry. On refusing to comply/obey... well they're developing their own personality and this is how nature has designed them for the task. Earlier i used to get mad/monsterous at this particular aspect but these days i'm training myself to think from his shoes. I don't think a child of his age (my boy is 3.5) wants to irritate me or take revenge on me... he's trying to convey his feelings, express his opinions in the best way known to him... that's it!

What i realise is that as adults whatever we think as disobedience does not just make sense to a child. We should be clear where to set the rules straight... like for example brushing teeth, washing hands after poop, not eating with left hand etc., these are non-negotiable; they can throw tantrums etc., but they don't have a second option! But other things just let them be... i have been there, done it and i'm seeing that it works well for both of us. It is very tough in the beginning! My son's teacher said something that makes lots of sense. We have been brought up in a 'i'm your parent so you must listen to me' model and it's not easy to shed that. We want to change too but for an adult mind that isn't easy. I suppose that's what brings in all the conflicts for our generation. Our kids will be fine in the end..don't worry!

Latha