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Your advise on my re-marriage

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by pkwebbs, Apr 25, 2011.

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  1. Jul 28, 2011 #31
    flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Your DD is scared of losing you to a new man. As it is she has one absent parent, now her Mom too will stop giving her full attention, thats her fear. She must be happy to live with just her Mom .
    Lets be honest , after marriage you will definitely enjoy some social life as a couple, get invitations etc. She could feel left out.
    You may shift to his house, have a different setup , right now she is in her familiar surroundings.
    Its very difficult for a child to accept another person in the place of a biological parent.

    Please dont put her in a hostel, it will like locking her out of your life forever.

    Counselling could solve the problem , if a third person discussed with her then she may open up.
     
    flowerlady, Jul 28, 2011
    flowerlady, Jul 28, 2011
    #31
  2. Jul 29, 2011 #32
    pkwebbs

    pkwebbs New IL'ite

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    Dear Flowerlady,

    Thanks for your concerns.
    But both myself and my Man, in particular, is not for the idea of putting my DD in hostel or with my parents/brothers.

    In fact my man is in the process of making myself and my DD directors in his company with 55% share just to show his love & concern for my DD's security. As a matter of fact, he is also willing to relocate to our area of living but not in the same home where me and my DD live[my own house].

    He had asked my parents and instructed me to transfer all my property, Fixed Deposit's etc in my DD's name and put them in a bank locker under the custody of my brother and me as the guardian.

    Yes, we are trying to make her meet a counselor.

    Thank you once again.
     
    pkwebbs, Jul 29, 2011
    pkwebbs, Jul 29, 2011
    #32
  3. Jul 29, 2011 #33
    orion80

    orion80 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear pkwebbs,

    Dont push it. Give your DD sometime for the decision and details to sink in. It has hardly been 2-3 months (from your posts) since you told her that you have deiced to get married. It is a huge change for her. Give her sometime to accept it. The more you push it, the more resistance you will find.

    From your posts. some of the below are her concerns.
    1. You might emotionally move away from her after marriage.
    Tell her that she is your highest priority and having a partner in your life will not affect your mom-DD relationship in any way.

    2. Change of surroundings.
    If she is not comfortable moving to your partner's place, how about he moving to yours? Dont make too many changes at once. It might be difficult for her to adjust. She is also in her teens which by itself is a difficult phase.

    3. Might be forced to call him or treat him as her father.
    She doesnt have a good opinion of the term father. So assure her that she can call him the same way as she is calling him now and he will be able to give more love and support to both of you if you get married to him.


    As i mentioned before, patience is the key. Give her sometime.
     
    orion80, Jul 29, 2011
    orion80, Jul 29, 2011
    #33
  4. Jul 29, 2011 #34
    mathangikkumar

    mathangikkumar Platinum IL'ite

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    dear pkwebbs

    Congrats for your bold step after a lot of thinking on your girls welfare. One thing is for sure she needs more affection and love at this age. The day is not far off for her to accept the man as her father, time is the best solvent and as days go by she would call him and accept him but never force her to accept him or call him as daddy or appa. Mere calling does not make any difference, it's the acceptance by the heart which is more important.

    I know a case where when the girl was in 3 rd the mother remarried and within a year they had a girl and the elder one was feeling jealous and took some years to call him daddy that too when the younger one started as daddy, she joined the band wagon.

    Try to take her wherever you go, let her decide the places hotels etc, give her the importance that she is never left out, as she is close to her new found patti, he can spend more time during week ends in her company so that she does not get into the fear of being away from you.Distance away from people who ill advice you and never allow them to anywhere near your daughter's proximity.

    Even for your marriage take her concern about the dresses you both are going to wear,and let her chalk out the menu or together you three can decide. Her active participation is important for your happy ,peaceful living.

    Your happiness depends solely on her happiness so thana kaniyattum kaay . All the best
     
    mathangikkumar, Jul 29, 2011
    mathangikkumar, Jul 29, 2011
    #34
  5. Oct 17, 2011 #35
    pkwebbs

    pkwebbs New IL'ite

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    My dear sisters,

    I'm Prakash the unlucky guy referred to in the above thread.
    Sorry to say that my relationship with pkwebbs is at stake.
    Our DD [pkwebbs' dd] has been poisoned by her grand father that if we get married, then we will be having a new baby and hence she'll lose her mother. As a matter of fact, I've assured him that I will NOT try to have a baby with his daughter, that is pkwebbs, and has even gone to the extent of forgoing my eligibility to become a father, medically and have already made my DD as the soul heir to my earnings and had made my DD, pkwebbs and my aged mother as directors of my Software Company.
    But all gone to deaf ears.
    In fact, they started abusing my pkwebbs and had started separating mother and daughter.

    B'cos of this I'm totally unstable. Is it a sin to marry a divorcee? Let god alone answer this and bring my pkwebbs and DD back to me with full heart.

    I seek your all your prayers and moral support for my joining with pkwebbs and my lovable DD at the earliest.
     
    pkwebbs, Oct 17, 2011
    pkwebbs, Oct 17, 2011
    #35
    1 person likes this.
  6. Oct 17, 2011 #36
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    I wish we had more open minded folks like you!!!
     
    psych, Oct 17, 2011
    psych, Oct 17, 2011
    #36
  7. Oct 18, 2011 #37
    pkwebbs

    pkwebbs New IL'ite

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    Dear psych,

    Being an open minded person is NOT a BOON but a SIN for ppl like me, unable to live with them or forget them. People may say everything is possible. But for a person like me who had not shown interest for women in the prime time, but getting a blow like this at this age is unbearable. For the last 2 months [Sep & Oct] I've lost few orders from the US and UK because of my not so involved attitude due do this issue. And my mother aged 72 yrs, is already down mentally.

    I'm a teetotaler - so no chance for boozing and an astrologer too strictly following the Hindu principles. But my astro knowledge is of NO use in my present state of mind.

    Waiting for answers from you kindhearted folks and the almighty.

    The Unlucky Folk.
     
    pkwebbs, Oct 18, 2011
    pkwebbs, Oct 18, 2011
    #37
  8. Oct 18, 2011 #38
    Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    You have one option. Talk to that grandfather since his accusations have no grounds he cant stick to them for long. Make ur DD understand that her mom needs a companion. It seems from the previous posts she likes you as uncle. Since there is no hatred u can make it easily. Make her understand that the grandfather may live only for a few yrs and her mom has got few more than him. You can tell DD about ur property plans. A counseling is the best option. Also make sure if someone in her friends circle or neighborhood also has talked to the child in the same way. I personally feel the peer pressure would affect more than a grandfather. All the best:thumbsup
     
    Visasri, Oct 18, 2011
    Visasri, Oct 18, 2011
    #38
  9. Oct 18, 2011 #39
    ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    The Unlucky folk

    I will pray for you and your family. I like the idea of Visari. If you take into confidence some more families where pkweb's dd mingle they can explain her well. In this age young girls listen to their friends more than grand parents. Can you try that? I am sure everything will come togather eventually and you will have one big happy family. All the best wishes from me........
     
    ProudIndian, Oct 18, 2011
    ProudIndian, Oct 18, 2011
    #39
  10. Oct 18, 2011 #40
    psych

    psych Gold IL'ite

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    what possible excuse would grandpa have? He has a chance of seeing his daughter finally having a good life! What are gfathers objections? Is it possible for you to convince the grandpa? tell him hes not going to live for long and when he dies his daughter and granddaughter will be happier if you are around to take care of them.

    also one more thing - you could ask DD that she neednt call you appa. she can call u uncle as long as she wants. maybe thats smething that might be bothering her. tell her that her life wont change

    And that she will come first in her mothers life and you will be second to her
     
    psych, Oct 18, 2011
    psych, Oct 18, 2011
    #40
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