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Younger Sister not accepting to get married

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by buvanak, May 8, 2013.

  1. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    Priya, We are ready to leave her alone for somemore time if she talks to everyone openly about marriage. They want her to be in safe hands soon when they are in good health. Read my first post which tells about my mom's health. She has brain aneurysm as age increases risk of being alive also increases. I am not being negative.
     
  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    .

    What exactly she is doing ??I didn't get it.Probably take her to the counseller to understand what exaclty self pity here?
     
  3. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    Priya,
    What do you mean by "What exactly she is doing?"
     
  4. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, Priya is asking what your sister is doing In the name of self pity and what exactly she is speaking out when the issue of marriage comes up!
     
  5. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Well, it appears that marriages she has had the best peek into have given her a distaste for the whole set up. You can't blame her. It is sad that your mother is not well. However, that does not warrant your sister being forced into marriage.

    What exactly does she do to bring forth people's pity? I feel that talking to someone who is neutral and wouldn't try to persuade her into getting married just because it is an obligation towards her parents will help. Perhaps she could talk to a professional counsellor who can help her figure her way out.
     
  6. cissyboo

    cissyboo Silver IL'ite

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    My older sister is not married. She is two years my elder, and at 42, is just not interested. She is not homosexual, rather she is non-sexual for want of a better word. She dated when we were in university, and had a normal-ish social life (we shared an apartment). She currently lives with my parents, and has done since leaving university.

    Some people just are not interested in marriage-nor are they serial daters, nor do they appear to have any interest in having an intimate relationship with anyone of either gender. Your sister is 26, not over the hill or stuck on a shelf marked "expiration date passed". I was 23 when I married, my younger sister was close to 30, my brother and older sis still are single (he's 32).

    Does your sister have a career, or education plans that she wants to complete before even thinking of marriage? Maybe she is just being stubborn because all anyone talks about is marriage-marriage-marriage. Reverse psychology is often useful. Stop pushing marriage, and she may consider it.
     
  7. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    As everyone said above, I spoke to her close friends and everyone she respects. She just ignores when her friends talk about marriage saying that she is not interested.

    She is holding a masters degree, Leading projects in IT, She is very successful in her career.

    Now she speaks as though she is the only one taking care of my mother and if she leaves, no one will take care. Too adamant to accept the my father or I will take care.

    Self pity - why i used this word? her words "I thought amma cannot live without me. Now based on your talks i think i am the only one who cannot live without amma. I am only loving amma so much and she is not"

    Please answer this question
    I guess, everyone of our parents would have analysed our horoscope and most of the times as per astrologer's predictions, your daughter has got the time to get married.

    At that time every parent has a right to ask and discuss the good/bad stuff to their daughters and sons?

    So thats how most of you would have married someone right?

    This is a respectable wish of my parents at this stage for my sister and I want to know how we can make her understand.

    cissyboo - Can you tell us if your sister has not even felt one minute of lonliness in her life because of her decision? when she sees your children or her friend's children, can you tell she never felt bad for missing something in her life.

    People may look really strong and adamant. But truth is they will feel the loneliness at least once.

    We want to create a happy environment for my sister.
     
  8. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Op,

    Good your sister has her own life and doing good.


    Op,
    with due respect, you need not to raise the questions about cissyboo's sister. She just shared an example, how few people think by being perfectly alright mentally doesn't want to go for marriage. Here, we need not to judge her sister's feelings.
     
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  9. buvanak

    buvanak Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you very much Pallavi.

    Sorry cissyboo. Forgive me if i have asked wrong question to you.

    I didn't ask that to question your sister's decision. I thought it is a forum where we are here to share each other's situations.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2013
  10. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    As a mother ,everyone have there wishes.But as a human we all need to understand,not all wishes can be acheived.
    I really wish,you mohter could stop worrying about your sister and enjoy her life with the health issue she had.

    I know it's hard for a mother to do that.Probably you can give her moral stregnth.

    Your sister is just talking to avoid the conversation.One good thing,lot of women that age would blame parents not them married off.Since she is taking care of your mother,that's good thing and she don't have to repent later in her life that she left her mother and got married.

    Your fahter taking care of mother.I am not sure how much womenly support he can give to your mother.

    I beleive based on that situation you have at home,you guys may just have to relax.She had successful carried and she is not depressed for not getting married and your mother need of someone.And your mother should able to enjoy the days which she had in the hand.Not many people will be lucky to have children at home.

    When time comes,your sister will definitly get married.It's not in any ones' hand.
     

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