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You Take Care Of Ur Own Expenses !

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Jan 9, 2022.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Well my husband today said you take care of your own expenses which made my blood shoot up to the roof. Am I not his responsibility. He is buying whatever he wants dogs dog treats cars can’t he not take care of me

    I said ok I will take care of my own expenses you take care of your own food you are good cook

    I see he is following this. He bought himself microwave food from Costco.

    So he will do anything to get me to take care of my own expenses. ?

    I don’t understand.
    I am already working and paying him for household expenses. What does that mean.
    I asked if I lose my job will br pay for my food. He clearly bluntly said no.

    I said then u take care of urself including food and bed and I will take care of myself.
     
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  2. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    Have you considered divorce? There are lot of happily-ever-after stories on IL about women who divorced monsters and either got remarried to Prince Charming, or are in a lovely live-in-relationship.

    US Courts are nicer to women. Show the monster you married that is is not in India, he is in USA.
     
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  3. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. It's time to separate. He is not going to change anymore. He doesn't care about you or the kids.
    Consult a lawyer
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Have you considered divorce? if not, why not trying for a temporary separation to understand and reflect better about your own self?

    If moving out is not an option, try living separately under one roof.
    Divide everything separately, including the chores, food, money, relationships etc...
    Especially, try not to bother about him or his activities. Rather focus more on yourself, your life style etc...

    Take this time to improve your career, your social life, especially building a strong support system around.

    Find time for self care and self introspection. Talk to your soul, meditate and understand what you really want, what is bothering you, and what will make you happy in life. Chose a new hobby, reconnect with friends, meet new people, try social media etc..etc..
    Speak to a friend or a counselor if you can and learn to understand yourself better.

    The goal should be to find happiness, and live successfully.
    Do whatever it takes to get in there.

    Usually men like happy women. They don't care about your tears or grumpiness, but find it attractive when you are happy and successful.

    You will soon become a happy go successful girl, that attract your husband. And see whether he comes back and amend things with you to be with you forever.

    If he comes back, take him towards this new life. If not, accept the fact that you are never meant to be together. So, move on.

    whatsoever, this transition period will teach you a lot, and make you a happy go, independent woman. That's what matter here
     
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  5. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga Platinum IL'ite

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    This is a very good post.


    This is a great point. It will take lot of work on OP’s part.

    However there are monsters who purposely want to make their pretty, smiling wife sad.

    I hope OP is aware of this also.
     
  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    We are already living under one roof separately. If I go to his room to chat he says I’m checking on him. He had never bought groceries or paid for gas or my expenses that I need. Clothes creams soaps anything. Never gave me a credit card. Coming to chores he is never home to even share them. Acts like he is soo busy with work. 24 hours 365 days a year. But he spends time with kids if in the mood. If I have work deadlines and work on Sunday he explodes saying who will have work on Sunday take care of house chores. I don’t understand. With a baby ( a few years ago ) I was single at home taking care of elder one, classes, shopping ,kids food etc. never bought me any groceries and not even a phone call. He would never pick up the phone when I called. Then too I told him to take care of his own food.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2022
  7. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    OK, then what is stopping you from moving out permanently?
    I mean, you already living separately under one roof and we can consider this as trial separation.
    You know, this trial separation hasn't changed anything much, rather worsened the relationship between you two.

    I can understand if you are living in India and worried about the so called community's concerns. But, that shouldn't stop you from breathing freely in the US.
    At the same time, as a stranger on the internet I can't judge you for what you chose. You must be having a valid reason for whatever you chose, including this.

    But you can be open with us, and we can definitely help you to introspect further.

    Good luck
     
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  8. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Hey I have the similar issues going on with my husband! I of course use my money to take care of my expenses including medical bill. I had surgery and settled it with my own money. Not only that I take care of my daughter s expenses including her college fees! And still he keeps complaining! My daughter is now married! It’s only me and him alone in this house! No other contacts I don’t know what to do for future! We both are still working! He’s 60 ! I don’t want to disturb daughter s life. Just leading my life! Should I go back to India? I have my brother quiet far away! Do I go near him and live so we have someone for us? Please advice
     
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  9. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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  10. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Makes me feel depressed that I have nobody! Always feel unsecured that what happens if I loose my job! Have I to work all my life?
     

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