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You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole family

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mohini16, Jan 10, 2013.

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Jan 10, 2013 #31

SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

mohini16 said: ↑

Dear Ilites , Thanks everyone for replies , just a quick note I am not fat or in bad shape .......i am pretty good looking and ho got mesmerized when he saw my pics well thats a comment i get from every guy
Only in our conversation i myself mentioned him that since i came to india i havent been going to gym and have put on little weight which is not big issue for me and be on normal track once i join gym again........and he mentioned that he doesnt like skinny girls himself........when he told me that u can consider loosing weight if u are thinking abt it coz i dont want my mom to say NO that she is fat and all ........i told him look noone in my life called me fat and i am not and didnt u mention u like plump figure then he said ......Yes thats true but you are not marrying me , you are marrying my whole khandan.........

That was the exact conversation between us...........
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Why taking this seriously girls??????

You are beautiful and well shaped, and hence the guy got mesmerized by looking at your figure. He wanted to have you, and do not dare to leave you. Understandable.

Since you said that you have put on a bit (that probably says that you are not exactly look the same as in the pics that he was mesmerized about); hence he could have worried as if his parents or someone might comment negatively on your looks (being fat), which should not affect the entire proposal.

I assume that you guys haven't met in person. If that's the case, like us.. he too might have misunderstood your statement of getting fat, as you ARE FAT; hence said a word of caution to prevent any damages.

Marrying a family and not just a man is the very normal, but an unfortunate situation here. At least for the first couple of years, you've got to live with that, unless you fly away to abroad by leaving the entire family back here

SGBV, Jan 10, 2013

SGBV, Jan 10, 2013

#31

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Jan 10, 2013 #32

mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

crazywriter said: ↑

So all ILites have been crying themselves hoarse based on the original post, which was only a part of the conversation, as OP clarified after several posts.

Note to future posters: Mention the problem/conversation/situation in entirety, and not simply bits and pieces. This can lead to misunderstood comments, and knee-jerk replies from viewers.
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My apologize CrazyWriter, my intention was not to mislead ilites .....i was looking for genuine replies and Yes the worst thing which i didnt like is he said "You are marrying my whole Khandan" .........
i wanted to get opinion on this comment specifically.......I did post thread abt this USA guy earlier too and got negative comments......but since my parents want me to fix rishta asap i am trying to compromise on some points but i truly dont think marriage is between two families...........it has to be between guy and girl and family jumps in between occasionally...........
Precisly i am tired of dating and looking for rishtas........why dont i just meet perfect man ....it sucks ......

mohini16, Jan 10, 2013

mohini16, Jan 10, 2013

#32
Jan 10, 2013 #33

ladki1 Silver IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

there will be so many people in khandan..it means some one might like slim figure,some one like plumpy,some fat......he want to say other people can say u fat ,theefore u have to be preety...not for himm...but for the khandan....

i am married to a guy..he told me if some one told u anything...about looks dont bother....u are married to me...u have to care about my words not the others...not my family members...

ladki1, Jan 10, 2013

ladki1, Jan 10, 2013

#33
Jan 10, 2013 #34

mohini16 Silver IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

SGBV said: ↑

Why taking this seriously girls??????

You are beautiful and well shaped, and hence the guy got mesmerized by looking at your figure. He wanted to have you, and do not dare to leave you. Understandable.

Since you said that you have put on a bit (that probably says that you are not exactly look the same as in the pics that he was mesmerized about); hence he could have worried as if his parents or someone might comment negatively on your looks (being fat), which should not affect the entire proposal.

I assume that you guys haven't met in person. If that's the case, like us.. he too might have misunderstood your statement of getting fat, as you ARE FAT; hence said a word of caution to prevent any damages.

Marrying a family and not just a man is the very normal, but an unfortunate situation here. At least for the first couple of years, you've got to live with that, unless you fly away to abroad by leaving the entire family back here
Click to expand...

Thanks again SGBV .......he lives in USA and crying to bring his family over to US........this is pretty clear that he expects his wife to take care of his family..........no matter what

mohini16, Jan 10, 2013

mohini16, Jan 10, 2013

#34
Jan 10, 2013 #35

nicegirlradhi Gold IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

ask him if he will be doing the same...i.e marrying your family along with you. then see what he says

nicegirlradhi, Jan 10, 2013

nicegirlradhi, Jan 10, 2013

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Jan 10, 2013 #36

SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

mohini16 said: ↑

Thanks again SGBV .......he lives in USA and crying to bring his family over to US........this is pretty clear that he expects his wife to take care of his family..........no matter what
Click to expand...

If you are not ready to babysit his family (I mean, to take care of them by fulfilling all their demands, that too at the very early stages of your life), then frankly tell him that you are not into that. Give him your honest opinion about this, and see how he reacts to that.

He can take care of his family nicely from staying far away from them. I am sure, you won't be against to this idea. Also, he can bring them over to the US, and then should make arrangements to their stay in somewhere else prior to his marriage. So, that his wife is not forced to live with in laws, and his marriage is not interrupted because of their new settlement in the US.

SGBV, Jan 10, 2013

SGBV, Jan 10, 2013

#36
Jan 10, 2013 #37

Wondergirl137 Gold IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

This is a red flag. dont even think of getting married to this guy. i faced similar stuff...ignored it..now suffering like anything.

Last edited: Jan 10, 2013

Wondergirl137, Jan 10, 2013

Wondergirl137, Jan 10, 2013

#37
Jan 10, 2013 #38

Poonamk1 Silver IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

Priyaram170 said: ↑

Dear Mohini16

Forget about the weight issue. Why do you think in a negative way, probably he doesn't want to give his mom a reason to say no to you. Secondly being mama's boy, every son is like that and every daughter is like that.
For ex :When we consider our mums first for evrything, be it sharing, taking suggestions or what so ever. . why cant he do that. In any relationship to be a mama's boy or wifey's hubby you need to give time so that he himself identifies who is correct and take my word the moment he understands you are right for once even if next time it is your mistake he will support you.

Its not gyaan i am giving you,Its just the experience of my own 3 year old marriage. Be it love marriage or arranged marriage the difference is only till u get married once you get married its the same story everywhere. Learn to handle situations diplomatically than running away.

Good Luck
Click to expand...

Very true..

Poonamk1, Jan 10, 2013

Poonamk1, Jan 10, 2013

#38

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Jan 10, 2013 #39

rkk1 Gold IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

mohini16 said: ↑

Thanks again SGBV .......he lives in USA and crying to bring his family over to US........this is pretty clear that he expects his wife to take care of his family..........no matter what
Click to expand...

Why do you want to be with this guy? I don't know if you are divorced or not, as another Cutemonster mentioned. Especially if this is true, be even more careful to choose a right partner this time around. Don't just marry in haste out of desperation to get married. I married in haste, and now I'm paying for that now by impending divorce (my husband is sweet natured, but he has an excess attachment to his mother that cannot be resolved at all, which I would have seen clearly if we had taken longer to marry). This guy is clearly telling you what your life will be like... that you will be subjected to his whole family. Right now you are free, but soon you will be their slave.... is it not better to be slngle than be married but subjected to this slavery? You live in Canada. There are so many nice, kind, Canadian men there who will treat you properly as a woman... why run behind this no-good guy when you have so many others to choose from? Your hesitation and your posting here is your inner self telling you that something is not right.... LISTEN to it! Don't shut it off in desperation for marriage, as it is there trying to protect you from making a mistake! I wish I had listened to my own inner voice before my own marriage.

rkk1, Jan 10, 2013

rkk1, Jan 10, 2013

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Jan 10, 2013 #40

prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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Re: You are not getting married to me only , you are getting married to my whole fami

mohini16 said: ↑

Hello Ilites , just a quick question , i have been talking to this guy for matrimony purpose since 4 months now and him and his family wants to come over to my place to meet up now .......he said if you want to loose weight or so then u have one month coz i dont want my mother to say that you are fat .....i was like whatever i dont care what ur mother thinks....i didnt say it though......
Second thing he said was you are not getting married to me , you are getting married to my whole Khandan (family)..........
OK i know it in bottom of my heart he is mamma's boy but i am still asking this question......... i though marriage is between 2 people who want to spend their lives together............but i guess not in arrange marriage.........
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God must be really loving you... that is why he gave you an opportunity before mrg... "RUN AWAY"......

Marrying his whole family?? looks like another momma's boy.... run away sweety.....

prettydevil, Jan 10, 2013

prettydevil, Jan 10, 2013

#40

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