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Yes dear !

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Jpatma, Jan 28, 2010.

  1. Jpatma

    Jpatma Silver IL'ite

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    YES DEAR


    ( inspired by Srini’s Nobody listens)


    When it comes to men, it’s not the dirty socks lying half way up the stairs, or the toilet seat left in the upright position or the forgotten birthday that women grumble about the most. The chief complaint is that men just don’t listen.

    According to a male friend, who shall remain nameless for fear that there will be domestic reprisals, you can always tell when a man isn’t listening. If he’s, say, watching football on TV(being one of the most popular in malaysia) and you ask him to lock up for the night and he responds by looking straight ahead while saying something like, “Yes, dear,” he’s obviously aware that you said something, but there’s a good chance that he’s oblivious to the details.

    One hour later, his bottom will probably still be glued to the same spot on the sofa. Thieves could walk in and cart everything away, except for the sofa and the TV, and the remote from his hand, and he probably wouldn’t notice a thing.

    Moreover, an average, domesticated male will automatically use the same stock phrase in response to just about anything that his spouse says.

    “Will you take the dog for a walk?”
    “Yes, dear.”

    “Did you know that my cousin’s, wife’s, half-brother’s, next door neighbour’s niece just ran into the back of your car?”
    “Yes, dear.”

    “I’ve re-mortgaged the house and spent all the money on cosmetic procedures to enable me to attract a man who will listen to me.”
    “Yes, dear.”

    It would appear, though, that men now have a good excuse for what women call “selective” deafness. You see, according to recent scientific research, men have little control over their lack of listening powers when it comes to the female voice, simply because the male brain finds it difficult to process “complex female tones”.

    The scientists who came to this conclusion, and I suspect they might all be men, claim that when a man listens to another man (about important manly stuff, like sports, beer and Pamela Anderson’s assets, the new **** site) the information is processed in a rudimentary part of his brain called the Mind’s Eye. Men are more visual than audio. But when he hears a female voice, it’s processed in the more complex part of the brain that deals with music or audio processing area.

    That being the case, domestic communication might be improved if women were to get their message across in a more melodious way. I mean, some men can be paralytic drunks, with no notion of who or where they are, and they can still join in with a sing-along or karaoke . They can be standing on a street corner, with no idea which way is home, and they can still sing all the verses to “ I Did It My Way” by Frank Sinatra. ( I always wonder why is this so popular in karaoke)

    To enhance communication at home, I recommend that a list of suitable songs be compiled to cover a multitude of different scenarios.

    For example, if you want your spouse’s attention start singing “PiYA TU… AB TO AA JA !
    If you feel he’s not giving you enough attention,. After which, you might give “MAAR DIYA JAI YA CHOD DIYA JAI BHOL TERE SATH KYA ZULOOL KIYA JAI”
    In a worst case scenario - to pick yourself up, there’s always the female anthem- I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor.
    I will survive
    as long as i know how to love
    I know I will stay alive
    I've got all my life to live
    I've got all my love to give
    and I'll survive
    I will survive
    Of course, by that time, there’ll be no one around to listen to you.

    If singing doesn’t work, you might seriously consider coming up with some sort of voice synthesiser that will make the female voice sound masculine. If nothing else, it may well scare your mate long enough to get his attention. After all, how many men can sit still when someone with a voice that sounds like, say, Mike Tyson asks them to switch off the TV and come to bed?

    Solutions aside, I have a sneaky feeling that this latest theory is just another excuse made up by men to get them off the hook.

    Imagine, if you will, the following scenario: Mr Man has had a long hard day at the office and is now relaxing with his newspaper in the lounge. His wife calls to him from the kitchen, where her chores are nowhere near completion: “Be a dear and lock up the doors , will you?”

    There is no response from her spouse, so she repeats her request, this time in a higher decibel. Still no response. She increases the decibels even more.

    “There’s no need to shout!” he yells, “I’m not deaf.”

    Now repeat the same scenario with Pamela Anderson in the kitchen. All Ms Anderson has to do is give a soft purr and Mr Man is by her side asking, “Did you say something, dear ! with a sheepish grin and hands all ready moving & wriggling around like octopus.”

    Listener’s choice.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010
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  2. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    Jaya

    Aiyo! enna comedy!I was laughing so hard when I read the above paragraph that I had tears coming down!

    Incidentally, I had the same problem with my Dh today. After he got back from work, I gave him idlis and waited to talk domestic matters. I wish I had read your post before I started the conversation with him. Next time, I will try singing the songs you have mentioned or try the voice synthesizer. He was gearing up for the state of the union address which starts in an hour and rushed me into finishing it in 5 minutes.

    Also have you noticed that men cannot multi-task like us? We will be listening, talking, cooking, and writing the grocery list at the same time whereas men can do only one thing at a time, even if it is a mundane chore like tying the shoe lace.
     
  3. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    Hahah dear jay that was just :thumbsup:rotfl:rotfl

    Tell me about it! These "yes dears" are very dangerous. In my house it is "yes sweets?" or "ennama chellam?" My immediate thought is "what is he watching now on tv?" the more interesting the programme is, the more endearments I am sure to get.:)

    My dd (when she was 10) was once asked to imitate her dad and mom in one of those games. She said" appa will be nicely lying down and watching tv" amma will first call very sweetly" beeeee…" no response then she will be vey brisk and say" b? You know blah blah.." Still if appa doesn’t respond she will be like "B? ARE YOU LISTENING?"
    OMG I was so :hide:

    Hahaha for me singing will not work because I am always doing that.The voice synthesiser and the shock treatment are worth a try.:biglaugh

    Coincidentally, yesterday I received this joke in one of my forwards which is very apt for your post. Call it selective hearing or deafness.:)

    When a woman says...
    This place is a mess! C'mon!

    You and I need to clean up!
    Your stuff is lying on the floor and
    you'll have no clothes to wear if we
    don't do laundry right now!


    What a man hears...

    Blah blah blah blah blah C'MON!

    YOU AND I blah blah blah blah!
    Blah blah blah blah ON THE FLOOR blah
    Blah blah NO CLOTHES blah blah blah blah blah blah blah RIGHT

    NOW!

    Thanks Jay.your post really pepped me up.Was feeling a bit dull for No apparent reason:)
     
  4. Tubelight

    Tubelight Bronze IL'ite

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    :rotfl
    Why does all this lament sound soooooooooo familiar !!!! Well, very nearly familiar, because, in some homes, "Yes Dear " is economised to "yup" or just an "eloquent" grunt ! Some husbands are truly realised souls who believe implicitly that silence is golden and aural deficiency is bliss !

    Well, that's a good prescription you have shared with your long suffering sisters : Sing like Helen- lipsynching -Asha Bhosle ! Do you suppose, the bewitching,sultry " Aa Jaan-e-jaan, Aa mera yeh husn jawan-3,tere liye hai aas lagaye o zalim aa jaa naa " would work magic, galvanising the dear man into action ( i mean taking- the-garbage -out-action ) ? Hmm ! Worth a try I guess, after one has had a couple of rigourous training sessions. One, to weed out Tyson from the voice and two, to fill P.Anderson into the choli !
     
  5. knot2share

    knot2share Gold IL'ite

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    :thumbsup Good one Jaya and soooooo familiar and same old same old story in many households. I am really curious here to find out what Kamalji's reply will be to this post..hahahah.... He will surely have some good ones to say.

    Of course these Yes Dears which translates to mmhmm, mmmhmmm in my case. The different tones of that tells me if he is engrossed in something or not. Same like you said, acknowledgement that something has been told to him but never registered in the head. If I raise my voice then the reply will be " I know what to do ok ". I have never tried singing really but me too like the voice synthesizer option.

    Usha - You talked about multitasking...but you know I can't really multitask that well. Feel a bit inadequate in that department.

    Mindi - Your joke is too good..heheh. I loved it. It is sure to bring a spark in the eyes of S :).

    PS: Gloria Gaynor's lines seem to appear in very light coloured text to me. Not sure if it is just my eyes or my monitor. But may seem hard for some to read. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2010
  6. monifa13

    monifa13 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Jpatma -
    I second Sunderusha and say AIYO! I was all along under the impression that only my DH is behaving like this. Whenever he is home he just sits in front of the TV and watches only NDTV. I have tried everything other than manhandling! Believe me,nothing works. Nowadays I just grab the remote, turn the TV off and tell him 'Listen Ace! You are my husband and I am your wife and we share a life here. Sometimes I need to talk to you about things. If you don't want to, I swear I am going to break that idiot box of yours into pieces.' I really don't know how he manages to bring out such an innocent expression on his face. He will say 'Oh darling! You want to talk to me? Why didn't you tell me before? I am really sorry... ' and by this time my energy is drained, mood is gone and I crawl back to my computer, defeated... The TV is again turned on and my man sits their watching news on NDTV.
    My dear Mindian - I loved your forwarded joke. Terrific! If I forward this to 10 persons within next 10 minutes I am sure in my next birth I will get a husband who will never watch TV.
     
  7. Sudha Kailas

    Sudha Kailas IL Hall of Fame

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    Lovely to read and still am laughing...........
    Great writeup Jaya !!
     
  8. Deaf woman

    Deaf woman Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Jayamam,
    Looks like this is the universal reply of men (especially the husband) in any house.Like monifa, i thought it only happens in my house.
    But i beg to differ about the incident on Pamela.I feel if pamela calls her hubby ,she gets the same response like us .I f the guy is other than her hubby ,he will rush to the kitchen just as you described:biglaugh.
    Been checking for your posts for a long time ,this came as a pleasant surprise.
    Regards,
     
  9. knot2share

    knot2share Gold IL'ite

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    HAHAHAHA...!! :thumbsup Tooo gud Monifa dear!
     
  10. susri

    susri Silver IL'ite

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    Jaya -- Yes dear...... you are right. Mens never listen. :rant. But you have presented it hilariously. :rotfl
    I never ask my DH to help me in Domestic work. Even if he do something, I must replenish it.:bonk So its better to do it on my own.

    Mindi -- your forwarded joke is so nice :wink:
     

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