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Yearning For A Few Minutes Of Peace Everyday

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2016, Jun 28, 2023.

  1. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Finest Post Winner

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    Hi all,

    I feel I am completely drained out. In spite of putting her to bed early, my 7 years old won't wake up in the morning. The bus leaves at 7.45 AM which means she has to be get ready by 7.35 AM. At 7.35 AM today, she was still taking a bath after requesting several times. She won't eat breakfast and drink milk. I pack her breakfast to eat during the school break. Milk I have to tell or yell many times for her to drink. Today, I have had enough, I just stopped doing what I was doing and told her no need to go to school when the time was 7.45 AM. Because I am unable to run behind the bus every day late. All children in her class come to the bus stop 5 minutes before and I feel like a complete failure every day. Hell broke loose she started shouting..

    I wish to teach her a lesson so that she just wakes up when we call her, drinks her milk, and gets ready. My H, and MIL are all ready to help but she simply keeps standing in the bathroom not allowing anybody in.
    She won't listen to MIL or her dad. I am tired of gentle parenting. Being firm, affirmative, time outs nothing helps like how a spank helps. I feel guilty when I give her a pinch or beat her (which happens very rarely). I end up crying the entire day. I was doing yoga, meditation earlier when I was on maternity leave. Now I don't get time for that as well... It's a mad rush..

    My younger one goes to daycare and has been very sick because of flu. She won't sleep through the night and I am terribly sleep deprived. I strictly follow schedules for both of them but fail miserably every single day. MIL and H take care of the younger one related to bathing, packing food, etc after I come from work and in the mornings till I leave for the office. We 3 adults are doing what we can do but still nothing seems enough.
    Any suggestions on how to get my daughter to do her chores?
     
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  2. hrastro

    hrastro Finest Post Winner

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    I've noticed with kids - when their stomach is empty, they wake up early, they get hungry, they get ready faster.

    So, please check if you are giving enough fibre in the dinner?
    Soak some sabja seeds in water and give it in the night with milk - You can call it falooda.
    You could even add it to banana or papaya or mango shake/lassi.
    If her stomach is cleared in the morning, she will be more active.

    If thats fine, maybe your daughter's biological clock needs the first meal only after a few hours... I know many kids who cannot eat a single bite for breakfast but during the 1st break they will finish their lunch box and have the snacks in lunch time.

    Since you are packing proper breakfast for school's 1st break - dont worry about the milk in the morning.
    Nothing will happen if she misses milk in the morning. Move it to the night!
    Just make her packed boxes more nutrition dense (Add some nuts or nut powders)
    You could even let her have a bath at night before sleeping. Then the morning rush will reduce.

    In the meantime, what can you do?
    1) Your MIL (or whoever is the story teller among the 3 adults) could tell her stories of "Ideal student" - You can pick Arjuna or make up some stories - Add a bad student (always with the same name) in all the stories who does whatever your daughter is NOT supposed to do - and how the bad student ends up getting hurt OR gets laughed at OR just struggles in life OR any bad consequence you want to tell her according to her understanding...
    In my case my son asked me to tell a story with a Manas because he had a friend with that name.
    So I had a Manas and a Benas (Bad Manas was Benas)
    Manas would do everything an ideal student does and naughty Benas would be the opposite! and Benas would always have his shirt without buttons, it would be longer than his shorts and he would be scouring the dustbin for food!

    2) What does she like to do? Whats her favourite activity? If she likes to play with her baby sister or some toys (My son used to love reading books) - if she has to leave at 7:35 and she is ready by 7:20 - she gets 15 minutes for that activity!

    3) When she doesnt get ready - the consequence should be clear - she misses school, friends, homework and gets scolded by teacher and loses attendance - let her miss a couple of days - You MUST stop running! Continue your calm and gentle and firm avatar - thats the way to be, the other way just makes you unhappy!

    4) Wake her at 6:30 am ! YOU should be with her through that one hour till she leaves at 7:30 - she should NOT be left alone till she is ready - dont do ANYTHING ELSE. Focus ONLY on her! But calmly!
    Everything else should be done beforehand OR handled by your DH or MIL (I'm happy they are supportive!)
    If you have something to do - let one of them do the same thing - From her waking till she is out for school - one designated person focuses on her constantly.
    I used to get ready, finish all cooking, packing dabbas etc, and then wake up my son. If my DH or ILs wanted anything - DH would handle it - so I could focus completely on getting him ready.... That year I would work from office 2 days a week - so on those days DH used to focus on him and I would complete other stuff.

    5) My son bought his kindle with the money that he earned from this idea I implemented!
    I converted 1 point to 1 Rupee - so you can imagine - I had more than a year worth of "Peaceful mornings" that you are yearning for!
    -- Make an Excel/google sheet - you can do a landscape format printout of this sheet and stick it on her cupboard/desk
    Give her 1 point for each day for each item done - then give her a reward
    The columns will have 31 days (Adjust column size so that 31 days can be in 1 single page)
    In the rows - write the things she is supposed to do at night and in the morning
    Example
    At night -
    Pack bags according to timetable
    Check if uniforms/clothes are ready
    ... Add more...
    At Morning
    Wake up and brush
    Bath
    Milk
    ... Add more...
    After school
    Put uniform in washing machine
    Do homework
    ... Add more ...

    6) Once she gets into the groove, it will be easy to add back the milk or bath or reduce the constant encouragement from adults...

    I hope these ideas work for you.
    All the best
    Keep smiling
    HR
     
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2023
  3. AppuMom

    AppuMom Gold IL'ite

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    I had same issue with my son when he was at that age.dont worry.its a phase.Keep alarm clock in the washroom and ask her to come out when it rings.Do that for every task.Set time for every thing.If she miss the bus don't driver her to school. If it happens couple of times she will surely set a routine for herself.My son now wakes up 15 mins earlier than me and gets ready.So don't worry
     
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  4. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    My daughter doesn’t like to eat or drink anything when she wakes up. I pack her breakfast portion and she prefers to eat it with her friends at preschool. Some days she skips it. If your kid doesn’t want to eat first thing in the morning then just send the food with her.
    We do baths at night, and lay out all the clothes for the next day and also keep the packed bag ready.
    I have a magnetic reward chart put up on the fridge. There are pictures of each task and she gets a star for completing each one on time. We assign different rewards depending on how many stars she gets, so she is motivated when it’s something she really wants.
    Ask your daughter what she would like to do in the morning, a small activity of 10-15 min. Then tell her that we will wake up in time to do something fun, then she can get ready and go to school. Be patient. Change will take time, but you can do it slow and steady. Even if it’s testing your patience try to remain calm yourself. Kids can sense when we are upset and that can cause their behavior to change accordingly.
     
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  5. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Op

    Please relax and take good sleep every day as much as possible. It's possible your daughter had some kind of attention disorder which is very common and can be cured. Its possible this is phase and it shall pass. My younger kid had same but she changed. Don't be harsh on your kid. Keep saying this shall pass. Take ashwagandha for your relaxation. Take help in whatever possible. kids grow fast and this will be forgotten soon.
     
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  6. SuiDhaaga

    SuiDhaaga IL Hall of Fame

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    I'm not a Mom, Ma, Mommu, Ummi, etc but I just want to congratulate all of you for doing the World's Most Noble and unfortunately, under-appreciated job.

    You are the unsung heros!
     
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  7. lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    like hrastro madam said. just a little tweaking is need.

    my son gave the same troubles. now ok in grade 5 onwards. your daughter is young and learning time management. you have to focus on getting her out . that means sticking with from 6.30 to 7.30. i see you are trying to get her independent , which is great but she is too young also.

    i and dh were takling turns in drag him to get ready .

    also giving on school, they are too young to understand consequences, it is almost fun for them.

    tricky age. MIL can sleep with your elder one. and slowly take charge for getting her to school with making her to everything together , like wake her shaking , take her to bathroom and dress up . then breakfast.

    expecting her to be indepedent fully is hard so young. sorry it will change per your family. this worked for me. now they are in routine.
     
  8. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    OP,
    My 8 yo daughter behaves more or less like this and I am fed up about it. She has no value for time. I expect her to be like a spring and jump to action to whatever is told to do but she will sit like she has not heard anything that I said. Everyday getting her up and readying her to school is like running a marathon for me. She is very calm and intelligent but not able to speed up things. Takes a lot of time to eat, study. A lot of inertia inside her. Even in this rainy season I sweat like anything whilst going to drop her to bus stop. I would be running like kamal Hassan in Chachi movie to ready her inside the house because of which my temper increases.
    Today reading this post and replies, I got an idea. From 10 .15 am she had to sit and study but she was not paying attention, diverting topics whilst I was teaching her. Till 11 am she was wasting time. I told her to study atleast one page meanings today but no effect on her. At 11.15 I told her to write the same 3 times or dont go to school today. She got scared and immediately started writing. Later at 11.30 she came and told that she could not finish it. I said to finish it after coming from school in the evening.

    Experienced mummies please share your tricks and ideas and examples on how to bring about a change in such kids who dont value time. Thanks to @hrastro and all others for the suggestions.
     
    Last edited: Jun 29, 2023
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  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Getting ready for school is a non preferred activity. What does she like to do after school or after getting ready? Maybe she can get to pick some music and listen to it for 10 mins before heading out to the bus if she is ready by 7:30. If she isn’t ready by 7:30 that doesn’t happen.
    You need to club her morning routine - shower, b’fast, milk etc with something very rewarding right after so she is encouraged to make it happen.
     
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  10. gamma50g

    gamma50g Finest Post Winner

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    I know I will ruffle a lot of feathers when I say this but anyways here it goes.

    Your daughter is 7 and at her age she will try to push your limits and see how much she can get away with. Like my pediatrician says "The dog should wag the tail. The tail should not make the dog wag!!"

    Its time for some tough love. Why dont you put her to bed in her full uniform really early. Dont bother about wrinkles in the fabric next morning. Dont shower her next day morning. Let her brush (if she will - otherwise do the brushing previous night itself and let her go to school without brushing in the morning). She is old enough to know if shes hungry. Keep breakfast in a reachable place and she can take it and eat by herself. Dont bother to pack breakfast if she doesnt want it. If she has long hair, comb it previous night itself. That ways once she gets up, even if shes not hungry, you dont have the overhead of getting her showered, dressed etc.

    You have to show her tough love before she realizes that she isnt required to shower or eat before she goes to school and that's how it will be from now on.
     
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