Yama Got Confused

THE VENTILATOR
Yamraja was pacing frantically in the corridor. He looked tense. He held a page in his hand and glanced at it from time to time. He had called Chitragupta, his record keeper, and was waiting for him to arrive. His celestial carrier, the Buffalo was sitting nearby, eyes half closed and cud coming out from his mouth. He bellowed when he saw Chitragupta sauntering in which made Yamraja turn and accost Chitragupta. “Dev,” said Chitragupta, bowing in reverence, “What made you call this servant of yours in such a haste?”. “ Chitragupta”, Yamraja said, “What is going on? All the arrivals are late as per the list. Look here, last week five out of ten people supposed to reach here on Monday did not turn up. It is the same this week too. What is stopping them from coming when I have signed the death warrants?”
Fixing his gaze on the floor Chitragupta replied “Dev, a group of people in Prithvilok are delaying the release of bodies and consequently the souls are stuck in the immigration bay. We do not allow entry till the body is burnt or buried.”
Yamraja :- “ And who are these audacious people?”
Chitragupta :- “Nursing homes Dev. They keep the bodies under a machine called ventilator till------”.
Yamraja :- “Till ? Till what?
Chitragupta :- “Till the mediclaim limit is exhausted or the FD’S are finished.”
Yamraja :- “What? Who gave them that right?
Chitragupta:- “The insurance companies and the nursing home managements . Of course some times when a richer patient comes then the poorest patient occupying the bed is officially declared dead and released.”
Yamraja :- “Strange. Never knew of this. I would like to see the episodes directly.”
Chitragupta :- “Dev, you have cataract. You may not be able to see. Should I call Sanjay?”
Yamraja :- “ Sanjay? That Mahabharat one? Ok call him.”
(Chitragupta calls over a sentry and Sanjay is brought in after a while.)
Chitragupta :- “Sanjayji, how are you doing?”
Sanjay :- “Oh fine Guptsree. except for Duryodhana
and his ruffians.”
Chitragupta :- “Dev wants you to use your divine sight and tell him what is going on in one of the Nursing homes in the Prithvilok Capital New Delhi.”
Sanjay :- “Ah, my Hastinapur. How I love to see it again.”
Yamraja (impatiently) :- “ Quick, I have other things to do”
(Sanjay trains his eyes and after adjustments speaks out)
Sanjay :- “Dev- Adharma Khestre Hastinapur Rugnalay Maddhye _______ “
(Yamraja cuts him short)
Yamraja :- “Stop Stop. Do not use that obsolete language. No one knows that now. Speak in some language we can understand.”
Sanjay :- “Well well Dev, I see a lobby with plush interiors, Italian sofas,
Vertical A/c s, Air purifiers, a grand reception with few
beautiful looking girls manning it.”
Yamraja :- “Are you describing a hospital or a hotel”?
Chitargupt :-“They are all the same Dev. Package system. 7 days and 6 nights, 10 days 9 nights, you name it.”

Sanjay :- “Dev, they are bringing in an old man of about 85 years of age on a stretcher. He is complaining of stomach pain. Two
doctors arrive, check the abdomen and are now discussing amongst themselves. Now one well dressed gentleman
accosts the son of the patient. He is asking whether the patient has medical reimbursement or not. The son replies in affirmative. A broad smile cuts across the staff and he
conveys the same to the Doctors. The Doctors spring into motion and are now discussing. (He strains his ears)
Yamraja :- “Try to listen to what they say”
Sanjay :- “The senior one is saying it is simple flatulence but the test process may be prolonged for a week or ten days. The junior one asks what to diagnose. The senior takes out a pen and
writes “Factotum Aneurysm Rectumistis Turbulence.”
Yamraja :- “By Rambha, what a disease’
Chitragupta :- “Dev read the first words – it is FART. Simply obstructed gas given high sounding name.”
Yamraja :- “Then they could have given him Ajwain powder in hot water. I also take that”
Chitragupta :- “Dev, then what becomes of the Mediclaim money?
Yamraja (Agitated) :- “It is highly unethical. Call Ashwini Brothers. They must take action. And give me the names of the hospital staff. I would issue warrants.”
Chitragupta :- “No No Dev, Never do that”
Yamraja :- “Why?”
Chitragupta :- “They would start a nursing home here and put you on ventilator.
( from my book BEYOND MY BLINKERS)

JAYASALA 42