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would you do the same, if you had another chance?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sashie, Nov 18, 2007.

  1. sashie

    sashie New IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies, i have been thinking of this for a long time, and want to know your thoughts. If you could do it all over again would you marry the same man (if you knew this would be your future)? I'll start by saying, that i would probably not marry the man i am married to right now. I really have no security in my relationship with him, becasue of his family. I am TRYING to follow your good advice, forgive, forget, move on etc. but there is so much pain. I feel trapped in this marriage, as i have a kid, my husb will never let me have kid alone, never, so i guess i am forced tostay here until they are 18 years old(right now they are 2). Any thoughts????
     
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  2. rakshantha

    rakshantha New IL'ite

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    hi

    Nice thread. Very sorry to learn about ur plight. I could feel the pain u r in. In my case I have got a darling husband who takes care of me very well. Ofcourse we have our share of misunderstandings, fights, and "I hate you's" but I would always want to be with him as we share a lot of history with one another. My only problem is my inlaws. Many a time I have felt the way u hav felt after my MIL has scolded me or after myself and my MIL have some misunderstandings. So my issue is my MIL and not my hubby. So in my case I would gladly marry him all over again.

    Regards
    Rakshantha
     
  3. Sumathy

    Sumathy Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Sashie,

    It is sad to know about your family situation. I pray that you have the courage to face life. But it may be a good idea for you to start doing things that you like - and also get more involved with your kids. As you go along, you may find something that motivates you and gives you the energy and passion to face life. For all you know, you may even get the courage to step out of the relation, if it gets abusive! Keep up you spirit and dont let negative thoughts pull you down.

    Cheers,

    Sumathy
     
  4. Jananikrithsan

    Jananikrithsan Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Sashie,
    It's very sad that there is no security in your marraige. That is the main factor that holds the union together.You have said that you cannot leave your kid at home, have you thought of going to work part-time or maybe even full-time. Looking at what you have said, that you are trapped that will give you financial securoty and respect from your husabnd also. Try talking to him about your future, about how you feel. That can set things straight. Do try to keep yourself occupied from home. All the best. Don't let the present situation to affect your:idea better future.
     
  5. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    I know easier answer for your question is .. Yes I would marry my husband again. But I think enough is never enough. Sometime we have genuine issues, other times just greed creeps in. We always want more. If we ask our husbands, I am sure they wouldn't mind more beautiful , richer and more docile gal than us. So theoretically Yes, I would nt mind more loving, more romantic, more caring and more respecting husband than I have right now.
    But If i really see my own criteria, I dont think such an ideal husband can ever exist. So I think making peace with reality is what life is all about. In childhood too we have similar issues with our parents, with our realities. We do sometime think, why our parent not richer, why we have this limitation that limitation.So by the time we grow 25 Yrs old. We make peace with our parents and their realities. We convicne ourselves that having poor parents is not all that bad. Having controlling parents are not all that bad. Having strict parents are not all that bad. Do you think in those 25 years anything really changes except our perception of them. So with exception of really cruel and barbaric husbands. I would say its worthwhile to find search for some goodies your near ones have. Sometime we focus so much on the closed door that we dont hear opportunities knocking our door.
    This is just a note to say. Each one of us have atleast one unique , positive trait that other dont . So hold on to that one unique goodness in your dear one. Soon you can see some more goodied creeping in them.
    :wave
     
    2 people like this.
  6. gokusha

    gokusha IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Nicethread...So sorry for your state..Don;t worry...concentrate on kids and try to keep yourself occupied.I pray the god to bless you with peaceful life.

    My answer to your query is :Yes....He is just a nice friend(hubby) you has fill my mom's place ..I'm very attached to my mom and her comfortness...Now i find that from him,a friend hubby again.I hearty thank god for blessing me with such a nice better half.
    Regards,
    USHA.
     
  7. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Me too. But then grass is always greener on the other side .My in laws,my husband and my SIL everybody. But now its better than before ,i guess i feel this will do for this life.
     
  8. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    This is the question I wanted to raise in connection with the Karvachauth vrath recently observed. I have heard that in karvachauth ladies pray that they should get the same husband in their next births also. In Mumbai, many of my friend's wives have said they don't believe in the prayer and defenitely they may not wish to get the same husband although the husbands have not been illtreating or bad with them.

    My inquisitive question is since we do not know much about the next birth what if you are born as your present husband and he is born as you?. Will you accept him then?

    So, my advice would be to follow the saying, ' Screen the past, Cream the present and Dream the future'. All the best to you.
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2007
  9. sreejag

    sreejag Bronze IL'ite

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    My problem is with my MIL only, and not my hubby.

    He is such a loving and very caring husband.

    He over cares everyone in his family, his mom , his sister and myself.

    my answer would be YES :iagree for marrying him again(not much bothered about my MIL scoldings about me, i can take it and i don't bother about it. Let she waste all her energy talking about me).
     
  10. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice Thread
    But according to me it is Naaaaaaaaaaaa
    He is caring, loving a perfect husband now but lets try something new in next birth If I will be born as a human being again:-D
     
    1 person likes this.

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