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Worried mother

Discussion in 'Toddlers' started by sadwife, Aug 3, 2013.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,

    My son is 14 months old.
    He is very active. Keeps on crawling all over the house, climbs on the sofa, chair, drags the sofa and chairs and occupied with his toys too.

    He started cruising at 10 months and about 12-13 months started to stand not holding to anything but yet to walk. Sometimes he takes one or two steps but immediately holds to something or sits down.

    My main concern now is he has not uttered a single word. I see my cousins and friends' babies who are 2 months older and 2 months younger to my son have started saying lots of words. I read to my son everyday, I talk to him a lot, bought him lots of educational toys and I too sit and play with him. I give him lots of attention and engage with him a lot but those babies who get less attention from their parents or care takers seem to be far more advanced than my son. To be honest, I feel a bit disappointed.

    My husband is a very intelligent guy. He walked and talked at 8 months. I'm above average too. I teach my son to wave, hi 5 and shake hand nearly everyday but he is not doing that too. But when we ask him where is table, key, door, car, fan he looks at them.

    I don't mind if he is slow but was worried that he may have mild autism but his Paed ruled it out.

    Most kids from both sides of our families (hubby and mine) are very intelligent and fast learners. They do well in school and excel in other areas too and studying either medicine, law or engineering. Everyone expecting my son to be a brainy too. I'm worried people will soon start comparing and it's going to affect my son's self esteem.

    Please ladies kindly share your experiences with slow learners or any chances that my son will soon catch up even though he is slow now?

    Thanks a lot.
     
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  2. ramyaramani

    ramyaramani Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @sadwife Each kid is different. How do you know for sure that he is not learning anything? Kids keep observing everything. You never know when you might see the results for the same.

    Take him to groups with babies. Let him see what other babies do.

    You seem to be worried about others comparing your son. But you are comparing your son to yourself, your DH, cousin's kids, friend's babies. This continued comparison/judging in future will affect his self esteem more than anything else.

    What are you expecting your son to be? How can you judge or come to a conclusion saying your son is not intelligent? Crossing milestones depends on not just intelligence. His paed has ruled out autisim so that is good news. I feel you are pressurizing your son to do too much. Just tell him and leave it casually. He will start doing everything eventually.

    My DD hardly spoke 4-5 words when she was 18 months old. Now at 2 years she repeats everything, tells our home address etc. She cannot tell her abc's, or numbers etc. but she can point to them. My mom says at the same age, I used to even say/write my abc's. That does not mean my daughter is less intelligent than me. I feel it all depends on the environment and window of opportunities provided for them.

    Just do what you are doing now (without pressurizing him) and he will soon start talking/walking etc. if he does not utter even a single word by 18 months then it is true cause of concern. I would suggest you to keep in mind that he is his own individual.
     
    sindmani, vidukarth and ssm014 like this.
  3. hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    I cant imagine the pressure on einsteins wife! Please dont burden him with your expectations.
     
  4. kanaka Raghavan

    kanaka Raghavan IL Hall of Fame

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    I do not think there is anything to worry.Each child is different ,if they are slow does not mean that they have a problem.You have already checked up with your doctor,that should put your mind to rest.When you are with him,go on talking and reading out from children's books ,bold letters with colorful pictures,maybe he will also pick up from it.Do not worry he will be fine.God bless.
     
  5. Dinny

    Dinny IL Hall of Fame

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    Sadwife

    Pls dont blame your kid.Every kid reaches the milestones at different times.there are many factors which affect a child's growth.And all this doesnt have anything to do with child's intelligence.well not till the child is showing a very slow progress and is not very active.
    Op try this link
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/toddlers/120332-when-did-your-toddler-start.html

    And one more thing boys tend to resist learning...whether its speaking or shaking hands.They are specially slow starters when it comes to speaking.so dont worry...Just continue teaching him things.
    But if possible try arranging some play meetings with kids of same age at your place or friends place...this way kids learn to interact better.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  6. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    Thanks for dropping by.

    No don't worry I'm not pressurizing my son.
    Anything that I teach or play with him I try to make it as fun as possible and if he loses interest I will just let it go and come back to it later. Normally he directs me what he wants to do or play and I follow him. I give him choices too like asking him which book he wants to read or whether he wants to read or play....

    And definetely I'm not blaming my child for anything. We love him so much and he is a precious gift to us from God. We can't thank God enough for giving us such a lovely boy.

    Although he has not started talking (using words) but he communicates a lot with us with his own blabbering etc. He understands what we tell him. Even though my husband and I have told others let our son grow at his own pace but they still keep on asking whether he has started walking/ talking/ waving etc and when we say no, we hear comments like "he is slow, the boy next door who is 3 months younger than him is walking, Shan's daughter is just 9 months but can say nearly 6-10 words" etc.. It hurts no matter how much I try to ignore. I'm worried that very soon they would start telling my son "hey why aren't you walking yet, look at Kris he is just 10 months but running already".... " you don't know anything, kids your age should be telling ABCs" etc. This will not do any good. And if my boy happens to be a slow learner and below average in studies, this comparison would exist for years. I can't imagine the amount of insult and pain he has to undergo then. I feel very scared and sad.
     
  7. mp1234

    mp1234 Gold IL'ite

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    sadwife,

    My son did not start talking properly till 2 to 2 1/2 years old.However,he used to communicate whatever he wanted by "Isharas" like pointing to something, if he wanted or nodding his head for a yes.We were worried a bit,initially.After that,he started playing with a lot of kids.He started talking so much,you cannot believe.

    Maybe your LO might turn out to be the reserved kind,who does not like talking much ...like the "intelligent kind" or he might talk a bit late.Pls do not worry as Doc is not worried.Pls ignore what others say as every kid is different and reaches milestones at different point of time.However,let the doc know anything (that you feel needs to be checked/clarified) about your son at every visit and ask whatever concerns/doubts you have so the doc knows what is going on and you feel at ease.I am sure he is fine.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2013
  8. hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    Mother is the best protection for a child. You;ll always hear such comments from insecure mothers who wants to just spread insecurity! If they were really good in their own lives(not necessarily parenting but some other insecurities may also lead to such attitude) then they would have seen the good things in your son as well. World is just a mirror of what we are. If they are not good in something then all they would be able to see is shortcomings in your child because IMO till every child is at least 4-5 year old(even beyond that) they are perfect. They dont do any mistakes and they are rapidly absorbing everything. If someone cant appreciate your child and says something insensitive then just pity them. Also remember that you are also the mirror and your child can see through your soul. you will get insecure by others comments only if there is a slight hint of insecurity in yourself itself and when someone points same thing then this concern solidifies (this might be difficult to swallow initially but give it a deep thought and you will understand its true meaning) and TRUST ME your child can sense your fears much before You can sense them. So they might be hearing "i cant talk yet", 'i cant walk yet' as soon as you Think those things. Younger the child stronger the sense! Who said parenting is easy :). All the best.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2013
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  9. vathsala30

    vathsala30 Platinum IL'ite

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    Some children may be slow at the beginning but once they start picking up the things no one can stop them. So let us think positively.
     
  10. ramyaramani

    ramyaramani Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    @sadwife We live in a competitive world. Listening to 'society' will only pull you down. While it is good to get a reality check, you should also know what to ignore. Have faith/trust in your child. Your son will be more upset by th way you think if you dont trust him. Accept him for what he is rather than expecting him to be the boy that 'society' admires/appreciates.

    Your son is still a baby. Stop judging him like an adult.
     
    sindmani likes this.

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