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Worried if my husband's having an extramarital :(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by galwidpassion, Apr 27, 2014.

  1. galwidpassion

    galwidpassion Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,
    We are married for 2 years and in love before that for 4 years. Recently i gave birth to a child and came back now from my native after delivery. While am at home, my husband didnt talk much.. there was not even a msg from him atleast on some days. Whenever i asked he used to say that he is busy.. 3-5 days used to pass by without a single msg or call from without him ..

    Now i returned and found that he is a little different some how. Today since there wasnt power i was killing time by playing on his cell. I opened his whatsapp on seeing a msg from our flat association about some issue. I could see his chats with his female colleague and couldnt resist my temptation. He was calling her darling in few msgs.. She was suffering with fever few days back and he was so concerned (acc to msgs). He was like take care, u should sleep so on and on. My husband is usually a person who is not caring and romantic.. Generally he doesn't even tell me to sleep or take rest when am not feeling well. But there was so much concern in his messages to her. He was sooooooo caring.. He isnt normally thats why i see the red flag.

    On last friday, i told him to start early as we had to shop some clothes for my kid. He started late. When I asked, he said traffic was der. Now in his msgs i could see that he was waiting for her to come from somewhere and she came late. So i could make that he was late because of her. He hid it from me.

    So this is the situation now. His female colleague is young, beautiful and smart,out going while I WAS beautiful and outgoing.

    Now I am panicked. Because he is my everything. I just cant live without him,. Am i thinking too much??? I dont knw what to do. I didnt talk with him till now . But tears are not stopping as I am wirting this... Pleaseeeee helppppppppppppp me pleaseee... How shd i respond now?
     
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  2. pinky6

    pinky6 Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi I can see some red flags too so please confront him as early as possible.....
     
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  3. galwidpassion

    galwidpassion Silver IL'ite

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    Hi pinky6,

    I was sitting and hoping some one would tell me that am foolish and nothing is going on.. But yes , the redflags are clear. :'( I need some courage now a lot of it actually...
     
  4. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Talk to him. Catch him off guard. When he is home...just pick his phone and show him and ask. There is no point brushing this under the carpet unless you are willing for this to continue.

    whether you want a positive response or a negative one...you will have to bite the bullet.If there is something minor going on...you can put a stop to it.If something big is going on...you deserve to know.
     
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2014
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Op...Don't say I was beautiful. Giving birth to a baby may have made you a little out of shape but it has definitely made you more beautiful. Don't ever feel inferior to anyone...specially a person who is hidden message on a phone.Work on your confidence. You are a beautiful mom of a beautiful child. Pull your shoulders up.Get ready for yourself and get ready to get a few answers. hope things are not serious and he realizes what a big risk he is taking with his life.Be confident...not sentimental. Ask him calmly but firmly. Make him know you are no pushover.
     
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  6. MaliniHari

    MaliniHari Gold IL'ite

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    Cheer up. Here is what you have to do.

    1. Speak to him, say that you have noticed the difference.

    2. Speak in such a way that you feel there is someone else in his life right now. Dont speak of whatsapp. He might feel like you are spying on him.

    3. Tell him firmly that you know something fishy is going on and you need an answer. Say you love him much and that you dont want to share him.

    no tears , no sentiments, speak to the point and leave the ball in his court. I think an initial warning would do good.

    BTW, find a job, you need a distraction. good luck.
     
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  7. persecutedDIL

    persecutedDIL Gold IL'ite

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    Please confront or catch him red-handed before it is too late!
     
  8. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    firstly dont show him tht you are too dependent on him,and you can live without him...... you need to be stern and speak with confidence and tell him you have noticed tht he doesnt care for u and kid lately and you think he has something going on...and that you are planning to discuss it with his parents and ur parents,....
     
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  9. troubledmom

    troubledmom Gold IL'ite

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    OP, First come out of the shock and decide where you want to take this. Dont say anything for next 1-2 days. Just think over what you want to tell him. Clarify your own ideas what to do, how to confront, what to say, what is the ultimatum u want to give, exactly how you want to say it etc. The down time will also give you time to deal with n get over your emotions and your shock. Right now you r too emotional. Calm down, think coolly and then confront him.
     
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  10. Joyoflife

    Joyoflife Gold IL'ite

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    Dear confront him before it's too late. As troubled mom has suggested first give yourslf time and decide where you want to take it. Like malinihari said tell him you are noticing some changes in him. Do not tell him that you are checking his what's app. Try to keep him busy with the baby so that he bonds more with the baby. Do not ever think that you are not beautiful anymore. We women go through a lot of changes, sometimes it's not easy to look attractive all d time but that does not mean our husbands should start preying on other ladies. Deal this issue with a lot of maturity and patience. Having a baby can turn our life's upside down, sometimes lack of sleep is also the reason of a lot of fights. Get your sleep and think about all this with a settled mind. First tell him it's a very emotional phase going on you need him more than ever before so please be there for me. When he is home make sure he holds the baby so that he realises his responsibility as a father. Good luck. Do not give him ultimatum. Take care of yourself.
     
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