worried about my mother

From your options it is clear that you wish to bear her responsibility only by throwing money in air and practically giving everything to her, except for her own daughter, which she needs the most at this age.

So what if, you all live under the same roof and your DH is annoyed? Do you think that handling that annoy is more important than filling your own mother's emptiness. :coffee

 

how would you even think of option 3? Do you really mean it?
It is solely your responsibility to look after your mother being only child. She must be vexed of living all alone these years and it is only depression that is making her talk that way. I think it would be better if she moves in with you. she would feel better with you and your kid. try convincing your husband about her moving in.

 

Dear OP,

If I were you, I will definitely give a try to Option 1( i.e Bringing Mom to my Home). If it doesn't work and poses risk of constant fights then I will go for Option 2 (where I will be paying for Mom's stay instead of her to pay)

 

The only feasible option is to find good retirement community and move her there. Please pay for her stay. That is the least you can do for her.

 

come on OP, she is your mom.. she brought u onto this world and rise you..u u r the only one responsible. why your husband will annoy by bringing her? i didn't get it.
suppose consider if your husband is the only son to his parents waht he will do?
just talk to him..its not that much complicate as you think

 

Old age makes people irritable and less patient, but if there has been a marked change in her behavior, she needs to be checked by a doctor.

This is separate from the bigger issue of taking care of her.

 

Rihana the Clever is onto something. Unless she (your mother, not Rihana) has always been this way (manipulative, insulting, bitter, out-of-control when "cornered"), there is a very real possibility that she is in the early stages of dementia or some other neurological condition. Her emotional and psychological state does not seem normal to me, nor does it hint at "mere" depression.

If this is true, then you need professional help (as does your mother) to deal with this problem. It is not a simple matter of "where should we put her?". Her condition will only worsen, and unless you have a treatment plan in place, whoever looks after her will have a tremendous burden and an extreme amount of stress.

Here is a link

Memory Loss & 10 Early Signs of Alzheimer?s | Alzheimer's Association

that may help you to identify a possible cause of your mother's problem. If nothing else works, you may have to have her forcibly examined. Her welfare is at stake here, so don't let tantrums stand in your way. Figure out a way to get her the help she needs. That is your duty as a loving daughter, even if your mother claims not to want or need it.

This is hard, and you have my sympathy. But it is true for most of us that at some point, we become the caregivers of our own parents as they decline toward a child-like state. Be strong.

 

Hi Sonika,

1 & 2 are the only feasible options in my opinion. You should not even consider 3 at this moment. You could give 1 a try, else 2 would be the only way out. However, if your mother *is* in general a difficult person to get along with (and sometimes people do become more rigid in their views as they age), take your husband's discomfort into consideration as well.