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Workplace Gossip After Separation

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Lightsource, Nov 23, 2018.

  1. Anisu

    Anisu Gold IL'ite

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    I would suggest you to wait for atleast couple of months. Once you are comfortable with the office environment you can then reaveal it to your close colleagues. You have to build confidence and come out of the past.
     
    GlobetrotterG likes this.
  2. Blinky

    Blinky Bronze IL'ite

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    Many years ago, I accidentally bumped into a so-friend whom I hadn't contacted for years. She was her usual bubbly when she sighted me. We briefly exchanged words at the airport to my inquiry on her travel. She just squealed in passing: For a week, my boyfriend already is panicked and confused about taking care of the mischievous kids alone. (in a playful tone).

    That's all she gushingly said in which she tactfully conveyed the unsaid:

    1. I am separated/divorced from my husband last time you met.
    2. The kids are with me.
    3. I found someone.
    4. We are having a good time together.

    Rather than revealing personal details in a motivated conversation, communicate personal updates in a cursory and unapologetic tone in a chanced and fleeting conversation as a passing remark. Mostly, people judge you based on the tonality of your self-impression of the incident (no big deal!) rather than the customary implication of the incident (that's awful!). The emotion and inquiry you attract from such disclosure depends on your own reconciliation with your story evidenced in your speech. People are ever meddling yet willing to be taught how you want to be treated. So, don't let them overrun you with their time-honored retaliation but preempt it with your assertive inducement.

    That airport encounter has impressed me to believe that even the most head-turning and invidious emotion could be sterilized to a pedestrian fact so long as you are willful to diminish it to its nothingness in your ongoing and embracing events of your life. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2018
  3. Sweety82

    Sweety82 Gold IL'ite

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    According to me, these are the principles which I follow, Whether u r married or single or divorced, whatever ur condition May be.
    Because I will be too sensitive of hurtful gossips about me, I won't reveal my personal situations to others in workplace, even though they try to extract from me. Because we cannot differentiate good people and worst gossip mongers, it is better to be quiet unless u have a trustful person. We can discuss many with friends but when it comes to personal problems, we have to be careful. For example when u move with two friends, u three of them share many things but u may not know what other two May talk about u behind ur back. So it is better to be very general and neutral in everything when we discuss. Whenever I feel like sharing and unloading my heart, I will talk with my sis or my mom or some close relative. Some People find pleasure to know about ur problems and talk about them to others. From my experience, ppl gossiped about me a childless lady. Now I have a kid that is different. Ppl who I believed were very good in front of my eyes , gossiped behind me . So I experienced more than enough. So nowadays I won't open my issues to anyone in office.
     
  4. VidhyaVi

    VidhyaVi Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Lightsource,

    I am glad that are you are not in the same relationship anymore. That's half the battle already won.

    Regarding the suggestions you asked, I am glad that you have asked the right people for help.


    People like SGBV, Amulet, Lalithambigai, Globetrotter, Singhmaneesha and many others are here to help you as they have helped me so far.

    Yes, I do agree that being straight forward is always the best policy. But I will leave the decision to you.

    It is your life and career. And you know your work place better than any of us here.

    It is you who is meeting the people at work daily. I wish you take the best help from people here, Weigh your options and act according to what is best for you.

    Cheers!

    Vidhya




     
  5. Deborah

    Deborah Gold IL'ite

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    OP - congratulations for ending something hurtful and embarking on a new present . All the best for that.

    Regarding the problem afoot , it's always best to be as honest as possible. You need to find that strength and it's only the first step that is difficult . Even something as short and curt as " I am newly single , thanks for asking " or " it's just me for now " is sufficient . Only few (idiotic ones) will probe further and if they do , you can say " it didn't work out " and then take the conversation somewhere work related .

    Gossiping - don't lose sweat on that. Those who gossip ,will do so no matter what we do. If you are single, they will say XYZ . If one is married , they will ponder aloud about the state of marriage or why is there an absence of kids. However, there are some who don't indulge in idle gossiping and neither believe in it .Being honest will help you find such people and who knows, they might become friends for life .

    Take care and Best of luck !!
     
    VidhyaVi likes this.
  6. peet1983

    peet1983 Silver IL'ite

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    First thing.. make yourself belive that you didn't done anything wrong.. and what ever you did is the brave steps to come out from a mistake and saving your life. You will be get appreciated in the society rather get criticized. Even though if you tell this to any colleague in new org , they will also will say that,they will be do the same if they were in your position. Nothing to worry. Based on my corporate life exp, when ever they get to know your story from others, one day they might speak about it,then over.. they will take it up further only when they get a chance to make some gozip about you related to someone in the new org.
    But be wise one to whom you are sharing and away from advantage takers. And think for starting new life..
    All the best.
     
  7. Lightsource

    Lightsource Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks everyone for your suggestions. It helps me build confidence and positivity. I hope and wish this is a just a passing phase and life becomes beautiful again. As a baby step, I revealed the truth to one of my old colleague and I was surprised because I did not breakdown (though I did feel low) and she didn't question me either. As @Deborah said, I think taking the first step needs strength and is going to get better with time. Once again, I appreciate your responses. They mean a lot.
     
    VidhyaVi likes this.
  8. hino

    hino Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP, Keep personal details as much as with you in corporate life. Some times people will take advantages or few souls help you to sort out the issues. You can share the details with very close people , need not to share with every tom ,dick n harry .Trust me these people let you down when you need some one. Even though you are strong enough, some moments will make you down and few idiotic people take advantage.

    Divorce is not sin and it helps mental stability instead of trauma. Be brave and enjoy your work.
     
    Sweety82 likes this.
  9. Outlander

    Outlander Bronze IL'ite

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  10. Outlander

    Outlander Bronze IL'ite

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    If you dont want to share dont share whats the big deal!! Concentrate on work make friends think positive!! Its not like whole office is built only to talk about your marraige!! If they ask few more details say that you are not comfortable to share your personal details!! Here in my office we ve been working for 8 yrs together yet nobody knows anybody about their spouses, or about their kids!! If you start asking questions and feel low then everything appears to be low its not illegal to keep personal things to your self right so go ahead focus on good stuff be always busy and if you find a good soul mate then share everything! Here on fine beautiful planet Earth nobody is that honest so stop thinking allot. Things happen in life pick up the pieces and get set go till u reach destination!
     

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