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Workload distribution with MIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sslkgpaa, Jun 19, 2015.

  1. sheztheone

    sheztheone Platinum IL'ite

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    One lesson most of us DILs fail to learn completely is avoid bringing your PILs to take care of just born babies.
    There will be a big gap between expectations and reality; moreover it will add a lot of work during a phase when the new mom is already physically tired and sleep deprived.
     
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  2. hrastro

    hrastro Finest Post Winner

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    :confused2: :confused2: :confused2: :confused2: :confused2:

     
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  3. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Having random expectations from other people will not work. work backwards from your problem - you are overworked and you are stressed. you don't get enough sleep. you need help.

    now talk to your husband. tell him you need help. whether your mother in law likes it or not he has to pitch in. next, regarding your work, lock yourself in a room. Tell everyone that you will not be out for the next 3 hours. when you work from home that is basic discipline you have to maintain. kindly ask her to prepare dinner or lunch or whatever other household he if eitherp you might want.

    that apart I do strongly feel that your child is your responsibility. I don't know how good your mother in law is when it comes to changing nappies or entertaining the kid. you have to take the bottom line for your child. if either set of grandparents are taking care of the child they will do it on their own terms based on their experience or outlook. if you are not happy with it then you have no option but to put the child in a daycare.so your responsibility is to evaluate and figure out where the child is cared for the best.
     
  4. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    nah, she never yells. but as soon as she sees him doing household chores she gets an headache instantly,handovers LO to hubby so that she can rest. so better hubby takes rest, atleast he can help me in night if baby gets fussy :shock:
     
  5. mcutiepie

    mcutiepie Gold IL'ite

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    I also believe when you are working.. means you are working.. lock yourself in the room... and even u can take a small nap if you get a break in between...

    For baby bath/diapers.. try to ask your MIL before starting work that I will be busy for next x hours, it would be helpful if you can get him ready.. similar is goes for changing diapers... what I used to do is I kept all the necessary things like nappies, dress, towel etc... near to my MIL and tell her that I will busy for next x hours... will you please change diapers or bath him...

    But ya.. 1 thing.. will baby.. life changes... and it is indeed tiring.. you would have to adapt this to some extent...
     
  6. aniShekar

    aniShekar Platinum IL'ite

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    Preempt her, then! Your husband can hold and entertain his son for a while, and ask his mother to help out a bit in the kitchen. Even it is just preparing the additional dishes that always creep up on the menu during in-laws' visit, it would still take some load off your shoulders! No point asking for help straight out, since your MIL will most probably resent it (they so often do, in spite of the fact that they're here to 'help' ;-) ) Just ask her to show you how to prepare a few dishes, and let her do it while you busy yourself with the other tasks in the kitchen.
     
  7. sslkgpaa

    sslkgpaa Gold IL'ite

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    Hi All,

    So the latest update is last week I told her how much my office work is suffering and ask her if its good idea to put LO in daycare for few hrs everyday so that both of us get a break (however I wouldnt have put LO in day care had she not been here, I would have managed somehow). I was so calm and talked so nicely, but dont know how she took it, next day while she was talking to her daughter she had tears in her eyes, DH was also there. Me and DH were shocked see her sob. Anyway after the call first thing she said is she want to go back to which FIL agreed readily. DH and I talked to SIL separately to get the details why she had to cry, she told that my MIL wanted to go around and visit places and so some shopping but all she is getting to do is household and baby sitting. Really!! so this weekend we took them around some places and got them some gadgets. She is visibly happy now, but I know this cannot go on like this for 5 more months. Ladies please suggest what should be our next step. Its so tiring to work whole week and take them out every weekend.shakehead
     
  8. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...let husband take them out during the weekend. Tell them to eat out .You catch up on errands and sleep.
    If daycare during your work hrs is an option ,try it for some time.Also,get husband to do a bit more at home ,even if it s just making your beds , making tea coffee or playing with the baby while you are working.Tell him to tell his mom firmly that he needs to help out since you don't have help like in India.
     
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    This comes with the territory when inviting parents to the US. Unless you live in a metro area with good public transport, they are cooped up at home all week and they are itching to go out on weekends. It is the exact opposite for working couples as they use weekends to wind down and relax.
    The same thing happens when my parents visit. However we don't have kids yet and my mom does ALL the cooking and housework, so it is easier for me. Try taking turns with your DH for their weekend outings. I would also take my parents out midweek, just to go to the grocery store/Container Store etc so they had a break.
     
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