Working Mothers-in-law

And now……
Working Mothers-in-law !!!

Three or four decades back, eyebrows were raised when educated girls from middle class families began working in offices. These working girls graduated to working mothers who balanced home, families and work perfectly. And now it is the reign of working mothers in law.
‘I like it,’ says Rupal Shah, a software engineer, ‘My mother in law and I get along perfectly. I have to leave early for office so she makes the breakfast and the lunch while I cook the evening meal. She works in a bank and has fixed timings while I often have late hours, short tours and the like. . We manage very well. On weekends I shoulder the entire responsibility of cooking and cleaning while she relaxes or watches the television or meets her friends and relatives. The father and the son pitch in and help. If both of us are tired, we outsource the food.’
Kanta Shah smiles and nods her head. ‘I know that Rupal is not a lazy girl. She is adjusting and loving and caring. So if she is delayed or tired or has to go to a party, I don’t mind doing all the work. I have been working for so many years now that looking after everything is second nature to me. I can whisk up a tasty meal fast after I return from office even if I am tired. Rupal does the work whenever she can so we have no problems.’
The mothers in law and the daughters in law in most middle class families, if they live together, are now adjusting and understanding. The MIL knows the tensions and the demands of working life so she can understand exactly what her DIL experiences since she has undergone it all. In most cases the MIL has been a first time office goer who had many odds stacked against her. She had to prove that she could be a good wife, an excellent mother, a perfect office goer which was quite a challenge. Any deviation from a womanly duties would have caused frowns and snorts from her female relatives. So now she feels that her DIL should not experience such things and that it is up to her to smoothen the way and adjust rather than criticize and grumble.
Suma Desai is a working journalist employed in a newspaper office. She has to work in shifts but she knows well in advance when she has to report and when she can be at home. Her two young daughters are looked after by her mother in law Chaya who is a senior administrator in an office. Chaya has a flexible job. As long as she puts in the required number of hours per week, she can adjust. Suma and Chaya have a timetable made every week so that the children are not left alone. The men pitch in and help in case the timings in their offices overlap. The grandfather, though retired , has his own business which he can delegate in times of need.
Most Indian men ,specially the urban ones, have learnt to adjust to working women, having been brought up by working mothers . They have learnt to take responsibilities of the home and hearth as well as the children . But on short term basis, when the ladies are busy. They have learnt to fetch and carry, change diapers when needed, cook a simple meal, buy vegetables and the like.
Lata and Usha live near each other and when it is necessary Usha steps in to look after Lata’s young son, taking leave from her office. Lata has been married for three years and has a five month old baby. She would have loved to stay with her MIL Usha but a flat nearby was already booked before her marriage. Besides there was more space if they lived apart.
‘I have the best of both the worlds,’ she says, ‘I have my own house and if I have any problem my MIL stays just opposite so we three can just hop over and go there. My MIL is a Principal in a school and has a busy schedule. She is more busy than me in her office. She has more responsibilities and more tension. But when my son Arun is not well and I cannot take leave, she manages to remain behind to look after him.’
MILs these days are not the dominating type of MILs one saw earlier. Maybe exposure to the world of working life, adjusting with colleagues, having a full time job and being economically independent has made them flexible, understanding and complementing with their DILs.
Educated girls these days are more mature when they get married. Their fat salaries earn them respect in their in-laws houses where they are treated very well. Exceptions are there, of course, but by and large the middle class is changing and becoming broad minded. Thanks to the new breed of working MILs.