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working mothers and children

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by savideva, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. savideva

    savideva New IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    I feel it is a tough job being a working mother. I do not deny that in some cases it is essential. for the mother to take up employment. My humble opinion is the mother shd. be with the child in its formative years, taking care of him and showering love and affection. Mother is not only the biological parent but also someone who is a kind teacher, caretaker and most of all truly loving. Teaches the child all good traits,language and she is right there to guide, glorify and enjoy the child's first activities!
    When the mom has to wrk, it will be nice if the grandmom could be there to help. But it is another story that the g.moms find it tough because of their age and weak stamina. Anyway the joint family system comes in handy here, as someone or other of the younger members also help. Of course, due to job, studies elsewhere the possibility of joint family is almost nil. The moms are forced to leave the child in the creche. Some are really good but I remember seeing a report abt. creches in the UK - it really was shoking how the kids were illtreated:shaking:. But the Indian counterparts are normally good.
    The following solutions are my wishful thinking!
    1.Moms shd. go to work only when the children have finished school.Because the mom is not only needed when the kids are babies but also when they are teenagers when they have so many fears and doubts and need the mom's friendly advice and observation. If they need to work they shd. return before the children. Or some employment that can be pursued at home is a good choice. Now there are so many jobs and opportunities from teaching tailoring, handwork., art and crafts to being agents for insurance. cosmetics and other h.hold items.With this kind of jobs moms can either stay at home and work and if they are agents, can finish the work early and be at home to receive the children.
    2. Youngsters of today are very much career oriented and even postpone having a baby. The govt. can introduce some law - like a successful employeee anywhere must be assured of the job she was doing, when she plans to rejoin, after a gap of 3 to 5 years' if she wants to. This again may create Job insecuruty for the replacement, seniority problems etc. I am sure if the experts put their minds to it . they'll come up with some solutions:-D.
    Just think how much better the world will be if the children had a loving, happy, wellcared childhood. Kids will be instilled with good values like kindness,helping attitude, truth, integrity, loving towards siblings as well as people in general. The hurry burry, irritation, stress and tension will not be there for homemakers.
    Guess you guys may think I'm old fashioned; but old is gold!
     
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  2. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Savideva,
    You are 100% true. In fact I had my MBA before marriage and I was working too before marriage. I was thankful to my inlaws and to my husband in telling me that I need not work after marriage. Whew!!!!!

    I have all through seen my cousins and my aunts suffer leaving the kids behind to take care and they going to work. It is not an easy joke to be a working mom and a wishful mother. And when people said I need not work I was happy that i can do justice to my kids.

    I had my first kid after the third year of marriage and by that time I equipped myself with a Masters in Human Resource Management and started doing some research work too. But when my daughter came into my life I was able to give her the fullest attention all that I needed. I used to play, sing dance jump and what not. I did everything that she wanted me to do. We literaaly had real fun.

    And now she is in school and she knows that she can trust me to the core and she discuss with me each and everything. I knew I have been good in doing this and in creating a self confidence in my dauther and I am sure she will definitely turn to me in case of all her needs.


    And now I do the same with my son too who is two years old. Though I do some work sitting at home I make sure that things dont interfere between us both. And I have decided to take up something that I can do when the kids are away at school and to be back home before they come back as I personally have always relished my mother's evening snacks and a cup of Hot milk made by her with love. I want that to be repeated to my kids too.
     
  3. Aabhi

    Aabhi Gold IL'ite

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    Good Thought Savi,

    It's always wonderful to be with Kids. Most importantly giving them the time, that they needed. Hurry burry mornings & rushing evenings to complete homework, etc drives Kids into stressful mind set. Parents have no other choice than pushing kids to adjust to their fast running time schedule. As Rajmi said, the evening snacks from mom's hand and cool chat about the happenings in the school are very much needed. My mom was a full time worker and I always use to hate going back home from school (opening up the door by myself, having the left overs as snacks, doing homework along without any help)

    I use to think then, that I should never work. But things are changing. I work now, but my mother is with me to take care of my son. I am planning to quit the job and stay at home within 2 to 3 years.
     
  4. savideva

    savideva New IL'ite

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    Hi Rajmi,
    You, really are a great mom:2thumbsup:. You not only stayed at home but also got some more knowledge crammed into your brain. your words about spending time with your kid and be there when she needed you is something to be appreciated. I am reminded of the days when my kids returned from school, expecting some new , novel hot snack for tiffin. I enjoyed watching them eat . I used to refer magazines and cookery books to present tasty and new snacks. Spending quality time with the kids was not only satisfying but fun too.:wave
     
  5. savideva

    savideva New IL'ite

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    Hi Aabhi,
    Thanks for the feed back. Glad to know that we have similar thoughts. So i am happy for you that you will quit working within a few years. You can devote more time on your kids and lead a relaxed life .
     
  6. anandivaradan18

    anandivaradan18 New IL'ite

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    hi all,
    i would like to say that i was a lucky one to have my mother at home in my childhood. Now im proud that my children enjoy the same feeling with me at home. As u all say the employed mothers are increasing day by day. Definitely, the children need some moral support at home whether it may be grandparents. Mothers should surely think about the childrens' expectations not only material objects but also love and share and care also matters a lot in life. I'm sure even my daughter and daughter in law may be working lady.I pray the almighty to me all the strength to take care of their kids in future.After all they re our blood and our own children which should not be a burden to us.

    think positive live positive
     
  7. carmelvimal

    carmelvimal Junior IL'ite

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    First of All, I would like to tell you people that it is amazing to see women who work after they get married and having a child. Some of them have the comfort of living with parents who would take care of the child. Others dont. In our life, we need to sacrifise few things for better of our future, Its always better to be with the child for the first few years when the child needs the mothers presence. Then once the child starts going to school, mothers can always start working depending upon the child's school timings.
     
  8. Nandaabhi

    Nandaabhi Senior IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I'm also a working mom. Not simply working,have my own software company. Thus so many issues for running a company. But I find that I'm successful so far as I'm doing my all responsibilities perfectly. My daughter is 11month old now. My mom in law is taking care of her 9-6 (when I'm in the office). After 6 pm no office duties (trying to avoid maximum).

    She is also very adjustable i think. Sometimes I feel very bad, when thinking of her as she is in her walking stage now. But I've missed her first crawling, rolling over tummy, first gibberish etc. Meanwhile I'm happy so far.

    Seema
     
  9. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    hi savideva,
    Thanks for posting ths thread...I wud like to pour out my frustrations here!:bowdown
    I m working but not yet married. My mom is a working woman. Here I saw working moms crying. Let me tell u how I suffered since my mom is working........:frown:
    When I was young, after school i should bring my brother(younger one) home safely. It was too difficult for me to take care of him as i was 8yrs old and he was 5 that time. we will be alone at home. My bro used to cry out of hunger and i prepare boost for him. Before my mom comes i will clean my house to some extent and wait for her. I wil be very hungry and when my mom comes she will be irritated by her office tension and shower all her frustrations on us.:rant Then my grandma was there to take care of us. Life was happy then...i mean she used to cajole us, feed us and taught us good moral values.
    Even then i missed my mom's affection. Grandma cannot replace my mom.
    Till now she never understands my needs.....that happens coz she doesnt kno anything abt me.I expect my mom to kno abt me completely even my dress size and my taste...is it wrong??? But she doesnt kno....she is a very talented lady at work. One positive thing abt working women is they are broadminded (ths also changes from person to person)

    Now she stays away from me in a different city. I miss her badly!!!!

    I m a BE graduate...also gonna do MBA. Decided to get married late. After that i will not work....I wanna be a lovable mom to my kids and a great wife to my hubby! :kiss I kno my mom hates me if i sit at home but I WILL!!!!!!:thumbsup
     
  10. mcaneena

    mcaneena New IL'ite

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    Hello...I too am working mom of 2 kids.It is very much difficult for a working lady to give time to kids and their studies. The most important is how you spend time with kids. Make them feel at the top of the world and that they are your first priority.
    I have maid for assisting me at home. She does the laborious job and I do what is important.Looking for my kids study, I use to teach them while cooking. I am always connected to their teachers over phone and personal visit everymonth to class and tution teachers. I try to invite their friends for a small party. So attached with their friends too. I often gift on their birthdays, something made by me. How I find time please don't ask, as I sleep for 5 to 6 hours a day.But i really feel energetic and comfortable.:)

    If you ask me anything about politics or world, i am little aware because of talks with collegues or internet. I hope my kids understand the situation and the parents. My elder son,6 years, use to say" Mom, You r having headache, how can i help u?" When i see their smiling faces, I forget all my tensions and worries...
     

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