Hello Sweet Ladies Here I have been disturbed for last few months. I am working in a reputed organization as a Senior Manager and have been a good performer in my career throughout. I am 35 years old and had my first baby last year. My baby is a blessing in my life as i had to undergo a bunch of hardships to become a mother. My husband has got good education (done his Masters) but he had not had a steady job from the beginning. Not sure whether is lack of interest, less soft skills, visa constraints, luck or what ever he has not been working. I am the sole bread winner of the family. I had to join back to work when my baby was 3 months old and my husband is taking care of baby. My baby is more attached to dad, obviously because he is seeing his dad for long time. I just get to spend 2-3 hours per day to spend with my baby (My work takes more than 12 hours). Luckily i have Saturday and Sunday off. I am not able to concentrate or perform my work these days. I feel like just resigning, but thinking about the consequences i hold myself. I need help to how to get out of the guilt and focus on my work, How to bring a work life balance? How to make my husband understand the hardships i am undergoing? I need some inputs from members like @SGBV and others if possible.
Being the sole bread winner places an enormous amount of stress on one esp in the US with many things including medical insurance tied to the job. I can understand what u are going through. I do not exactly know the reasons why ur DH has chosen to stay home..I am going to give him benefit of doubt and assume he is an otherwise nice guy /hubby/dad. Ur baby is very young..its normal that he is attached to the primary care giver..but they grow (real fast) and that phase will pass. Its usually harder on the mom. It was on me when I had my first one. For different reasons quitting was not an option for me either. Granted u would prefer to be the one at home but honey the next best alternative is ur DH. Raising a family is a lot of work and like at a startup where we have to wear many hats….sometimes we might just have to do whatever it takes to keep those lights on at home. Spend tons of time with the baby before and after work and during weekends …. and I promise u …before u can even figure out ur next deadline at work ur little one will be bringing home his first art project from his preschool . Take care and be easy on urself and on ur DH…!
Ki and Ka movie is just released (I have not seen it yet), but say there is gender role reversal, so watch it when time permits to feel better. Even working mothers who have husbands as primary bread winners go through these guilt pangs when babies are infants. So don't feel bad as the emotions you are undergoing is quite common. Spend as much time as you could in weekends and in weekdays. Hire help for cooking and cleaning and maximize the time you could spend with your baby. Once the baby becomes toddler, starts going to pre-school, these guilty feelings slowly start disappearing. Trust me.
What is the guilt about? Not spending more time with baby? Then, the guilt is misplaced. Baby is with dad, and that is not a bad situation at all. Now, if you are feeling envy or resentment, one could begin to understand. One parent putting in 12 hour days and spending 2-3 hours with child daily, while the other is at home, is actually an OK work-life-balance for the family. It may be a bit lacking in balance if examined individually... you are taking up more (all) of the breadwinner responsibility, and he is taking up more of the child's care responsibility. Looks like you do not have much choice, and will have to make the most of the 2-3 hours you get daily. This is the most disturbing part in what you have posted. The part you need to proceed with care. Why do you want your husband to understand the hardships you are undergoing? Is he not understanding enough? Is life a cake-walk for him - stay-at-home-dad is still not terribly common among Indian families (assuming you are Indian). A successful dad taking off time from work is one thing... unable to keep a job is another. JAG is right... time flies.. soon kid will be in preschool... and then KG...
Thank you @justanothergirl @EnglishNotGood for your understanding words. Yes my husband is otherwise nice DH and especially father. He takes care of our son, feeds him, engages him with play. @Rihana - your reply made me to think...yes baby being with dad is not that bad...i am jealous that i dont get to spend time with my baby..if my DH had a stable job, i could have opted to stay at home..this makes me to get angry and show frustration at home... as you ladies mentioned, i should mature enough...focus on spending time with my baby after i reach home...morning definitely is not an option as my son will be sleeping when i leave home...and utilize my weekend positively...
Trust things have turned to much better status . With years gone by and now you are getting time to log in IL , You can jot down here the status vis a vis those times. You must be a more happy person now ( in US) REGARDS
