Work In Progress Marriage

blackbeauty84 · Nov 29, 2017

sindmani said: ↑

My husband also forgets my birthday, does not appreciate my gifts for our anniversary or his birthday. In fact he lost my first gift to him on his birthday. Now I don't expect much and I have become matured to accept that it is what he is , its not a big deal. I dreamt of surprise party or a surprise cake on our anniversary or At least planned dinner on that day. But I think iam not destined for those small happiness like a small surprise gift or small appreciation of my painting or my writing work (Iam translating few Indian proverbs(kind of) in English for kids. We r purely different personalities , I see everything as an art , he is more logical in thinking.
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I get what you are saying. I too craved for his appreciation where in reality he doesn't even read my works. This is common when you marry a different personality.

blackbeauty84 · Nov 29, 2017

GeetaKashyap said: ↑

@blackbeauty84
This is more or less everyone's story. I loved your positivity. Way to go!
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Thanks Geetha

blackbeauty84 · Nov 29, 2017

HariLakhera said: ↑

Long back I read the following on a bill board in Pune-
WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED. SHE IS HAPPY AND I AM MARRIED.

On a serious note. All marriages are work in progress. It is better to come out with a reasonably good finished product than rush to finish the product. IN any case from men's angle, it is difficult to understand women. This fellow took a leave to surprise his wife on her birthday and take her out on a picnic. She tells him, you wasted a leave? We could have gone on Sunday?
Amen.
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Thanks Harilakhera.

I get what you are saying! It's difficult when you try to understand from man's angle. I have heard some of my male friends cribbing about it as well.

SunPa · Nov 29, 2017

blackbeauty84 said: ↑

I was and I’m a hopeless romantic. Like many women entering the married life, I dreamt of reading book together with my husband, him surprising me with gifts, packing our bags for unplanned vacation etc. But God had other plans for me. He paired me with a person who doesn’t read books, forgets anniversaries and doesn’t like much of surprises.

As you can imagine the rest there were lot of fights and misunderstandings. I would send him I love you’s, poems in Whatsapp to be rewarded with no reply. When I get him surprise gifts say shirts or perfumes, he would say I would wear it on important occasions. My first birthday post wedding was a disaster. He didn’t wish me or gift me anything.

Somehow we survived. In these three years of marriage I understood sky won’t come crashing down if he doesn’t gift me on birthday. He too understood that I’m expecting something on my birthday and bought me a cake last year, vast improvement from the first year. I tell him beforehand that it’s our anniversary next week and I’m expecting him to take me out for dinner. I continue to text him love poems without bothering for reply. Slowly we were reaching a middle ground. I thought soon our marriage state will turn as ‘Expectations met’

A year back he went for a trip abroad and since that was close to my birthday I expected him to come with a bag full of gifts for me! He came back with only Dates and cashew nuts. Last week when he went abroad I asked him to get something for my personal use. Guess what he came back with…………….Frizz control conditioner.

I think our marriage is still in Work in Progress mode.
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Work in progress- sure it is - even after 20+years.

Well, It is all perspective, no? Actually you are looking for a surprise gift that you will like.
Because I dont know which is worse - no gift or a gift that totally surprises you in a not pleasant way.
A pale pink printed saree with a pale green border - what am i a pink rose plant?? And a nice chocolate brown saree with violet prints and jarri work. What is wrong with this man - he takes two beautiful colours but are so totally wrong together ?

We have come to that stage of "he/She is like that only". Gifts if any, we go together and I choose. But it is mostly shared moments - long walks , icecream or coffee on a quite bench, sometimes a single flower ( it could be a Dahlia stalk)... nothing scripted, we just go with the flow. Sometimes one of us is too busy or a child is sick then no worries, many more days are there.

And my dear, why is it that in this day and age , the man is expected arrange dinner? It doesnt matter who arranges it does it? Get started now and look up a nice place for a cozy dinner. Just make sure he doesnt work late or have any other appointment that day. He may slowly understand the beauty of such shared moments, till then atleast you take charge. And any after dinner plans ?

Have a cherished Wedding anniversary

blackbeauty84 · Nov 29, 2017

Our wedding anniversary is still months ahead!

So far my hubby's birthday last year, I ordered a cake. Our toddler was sleeping, I woke him around mid-night to cut the cake. My husband wakes up and refuses to cut the cake saying let's do it tomorrow when I'm fresh! He is just not tuned towards celebrations. Couple of times I arranged for special dinner only to get a reply dinner should always be light. Sigh!

Last month I woke up early to cook a special breakfast for him, he enjoyed it. Slowly I'm learning what works for us. We have a fair share of purple moments like cooking together, listening to melodious songs, having coffee together etc. No major regrets with married life sometime small expectations occupy a big place in heart.

Thanks for your tips sun pa. Would try and see if it works for us!