Wondering.....

Karen, if the family is so orthodox as to "not allow" you to sit beside your husband, they wouldnt allow even cousins to lie down next to each other. Surely something is not right.

 

Karen,

Here's my opinion. If your Indian in-laws or family members told you not to hold hands or sit beside your husband, I would guess they will also have such rules for cousins, esp girls. But if your husband told you not to display affection in public, then may be he was just precautionary of the cultural difference, so you don't kiss him in public, which like a lot of them have already pointed out certainly raises eyebrows in India.

But in any case hugging in the kitchen at 5am sounds really fishy, even if going by your husband's words laying in the bed was not his fault. It looks like you have already raised your concern a couple of times strong enough for him to ring a bell. I wouldn't advise you to talk to him again, it will only annoy him creating confusion in your relationship, instead watch him closely but he shouldn't know he's being watched. I know it sounds sneaky but hey it's your life and if your husband is being sneaky then there is nothing wrong in you being so. Afterall, it's for your good. If he is committed only to you and respects your thoughts he will maintain a distance with this cousin. If he has decided to fool you, you will know from his further actions. Hopes this helps. Good luck!

 

Hi Karenn..
In an Indian family, if they belong to orthodox side then it implies to all the females in the family. If you have been asked to behave in a certain manner as a new DIL then it applies to all the other girls. Basic morals are same everywhere.
You found them lying on the same bed even if it was not intentional is not an answer to your doubts.If the cousin(whom I presume to be highly shameless) is not careful then your husband can be. Hugging at 5 in the morning is also not digestable to me. If he can hug his cousin like this,then he can hug you also. You can let go it this time but if it happens again , feel free to comment and bring it up in front of others and emabaress them.Trsudt me I am an Indian and moderate in everything but we also dont got to this extent.

 

Hi Karen

i have a different outlook on this, although none of us except you has witnessed the incidences with our own eyes.
While visiting idea, I as a grown-up girl/woman, have also fallen asleep next to my male cousin or hugged them, which none of my cousin-SIL are "allowed" to do. They are too shy to show their affection for their husbands infront of their families, because it is simpled not looked upon in a good light (go figure...). However from my part, the falling asleep and hugging is all innocent as I regard them as my brothers and have no other thoughts. Maybe it´s the same with your husband...

As you are back in Canada now, would it not be wise to let whatever happened be, trust in whatever your husband says and move on? Is it worth getting into deeper waters here?

just my 2 cents...

 

Karen,

I would call his BS out!! ... lets get one thing clear...in a house where they expect the husband and wife to maintain some distance, I would think , they would not allow cousins (of the opposite sex) to hug and then lie in bed together........

And his cousin came and lay beside him??? In that case..u need to be more careful...looks like she is a Sl*t ..and if your husband is not pushing her away...then he is falling for her sl*tty ways!

Ur man needs to understand that this kinda behaviour is not acceptable to you...cousin or not!

 

Hi Karen,

I am sure you've heard enough. But it is true that many of us do hug and express our love physically among cousins...

You said your husband was in Love with the cousin a long time ago. But was she too in love with him? And did they really break it off? (Under what circumstances also matters.) Even if he did...did she ever get over him?

Indians are a rather emotional crowd and first love that blooms in early years of a girl's heart is never forgotten. I've seen this happen in my own family and at times they happen to be too deep-rooted to be given up even after one of them commits in another steady relationship.

All I am getting at is that, your husband might be telling the truth but just not just painting the full picture while doing so just to protect the cousin from being judged the wrong way.

Its best if you ask him point blank and ask him for a firm reply about this. "It was a long time ago" or "That was just normal stuff cos I love my cousins all the same" is really not an acceptable reply.

If he is dodging and does not reply eye to eye, then I'd be worried.
Else, just ask him to make sure his cousin gets over the past and lets both of them move on and stay peaceful. If he is that close to his cousin, telling her this should not be so difficult.

If you were not married, its a different issue..since you are, its every business of yours to make sure they know their limits.