Won the challenge successfully, but lost the precious good-will !

You are sitting and talking with your spouse. He/she is saying something, which you know surely, as a wrong statment. For example, my wife , yesterday, said, "Kanimozhi is the daughter of Dayaluammaal" surely. But, I knew, Kanimozhi is not the daughter of Dayaluammaal, but Rajaathi ammal, the third wife of Mr.Karunanidhi.

She was saying with 100 % confidence. Immediately, I stopped arguing, started the pc, opened various sites including wikipedia and proved that Kanimozhi is the daughter of Rajaathhi ammal, not Dayaluammaal. I won the challenge, successfully, but lost the good will of my wife, at least for the next few hours. She was found visibly upset, because, I proved her stupid. She probably sensed a feeling of defeat too.

At instances like the above, I think, even if we know surely that our spouse is wrong, we should not prove the same immediately by quoting proof for our side of the version. By doing so immediately then and there itself, so quickly,............ we may succeed in the challenge, but we will fail to get the goodwill of our partner.

Rather, a good approach would have been...........to leave the matter aside for some time. I should have said, "okay fine, you may be right, I do not know. Let us find it out later" saying so, I should have diverted the topic. May be after a few days, when she is doing something else, I could have shown the proof (from wikipedia etc) and said to her calmly, "look, you were wrong on the other day. Kanimozhi is the daughter of Rajaathi ammaal. Here is the evidence'. Probably she would have accepted and also she would not have been developed a sense of defeat as in , yesterday.

Here is the place, where we succeed the challange, but lose to get good will,........and make our spouse feel a sense of defeat.

Has something similar , has happened with you ? Have you ever felt, "oh..! I should not have contradicted him/her , so immediately and bluntly and proved that I am right and he / she was wrong with immediate evidences..! He/ she felt bad because I have proved him/her stupid. His/her sense of defeat has made him/her lose the goodwill for me for sometime..! Here is the place, where emotional well-being and mutual goodwill should have been more important priorities than the act of proving our intellectual superiority over our spouse.

Try recollecting any such incidenct which has happened with you, recently.

 

Yes, Sree...! That mannerism applies not only to husband and wife relationship, but to all human relations.

Thanks for dropping in

 

Hi Charu,

Thanks for dropping in.

Such a loss of good will is very very transient.........may be for a few hours only. It all depends on the mood with which the argument and counter-argument goes on. If it takes place in a neutral mood, then, as you and your man have experienced so many times, one can certainly laugh it out, without having a sense of defeat or being stupid.

It is nice, that you and your man are able to laugh it out, every time.

Good..!

 

Hi Parvathi,

That is right. Thanks for dropping in.

 

Hi Happywife,

thanks for dropping in.

As you said, with me and my wife too, we don't feel stupid or defeated in nine out of ten times. But in one in ten times, when we feel that we are right so strongly............then vehemently keep driving home our point...........at the very next moment, coming to know that we are wrong.............then there is a brief hurt of ego.........of course a very brief one.