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Women Want Divorce After Kids Go College

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ProudIndian, Aug 4, 2020.

  1. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    What does this even mean? If it means - in any marriage, take some (reasonable) time to get to know spouse and sort out any critical issues before taking the plunge to motherhood, then yes.
    If it means, new gen girls are to end the propagation of human race, thats never gonna happen.
     
  2. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    In many marriages problems start only after kid come in picture. Kid bring too much work pressure on mother and guys don’t share work pressure or responsibilities.
     
  3. netflx

    netflx Silver IL'ite

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    Even then the fundamental problem is between the spouses actually. In some cases, a kid may help bring the problem (that already existed) to the surface so it becomes more visible. That's all.
    Anyway, if you are suggesting most couples should not have kids, that will be an exception rather than the norm.
    Having children is a fundamental part of a marriage/family and I don't think that family concept is going to be thrown away. Ask the current parents here who have 'problems' if they wish their kid was never born or wish for their kid to be taken away? The majority's answer is very clear, they'd do anything to not lose their kids.
     
    Angela123 likes this.
  4. lavi2016

    lavi2016 New IL'ite

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    In late 40's and similar situation. Last 20 years, I feel we remember more what the other person did that we can't forgive nor forget and they keep coming up in any arguments. Basically live like roommates in the same house, don't feel like we can hold a conversation for 30 min without something coming up and then we have months, weeks of silence. I am not sure what is the point of living like roommates. I would think 20 years would make people bond and kind of become inseparable but I guess that's not our case. Husband has always been very hands off with kids and house and any responsibilities which irritates me and from his side he has his own complaints including many issues caused by my in-laws. I don't know whether we have the guts or inclination to leave each other or find anyone else. It has been a nightmare dealing with teenage kids too when both are not in sync and sometimes I feel he pushes his agenda through them making the situation even more difficult. So many up's and downs, 20+ years of married life seems like 100 years with bitterness taking over any sweet memories. I definitely don't know where to go from here other than just maintain status quo and more and more self absorbed.
     
    Last edited: Aug 11, 2020
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  5. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    @lavi2016 don't you think your kids will get affected by this toxic relationship, don't you think it will have a long lasting psychological effect on your kids ?

    Dysfunctional Family: What It Is And What It’s Like To Grow Up In One | Betterhelp
     
  6. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    lavi2016 likes this.
  7. lavi2016

    lavi2016 New IL'ite

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    yes probably. That's why as a mother you do feel like sacrificing your personal life and pride for them not to have the impact. And I have done that to a certain extent. Probably they will understand better when they are little older, but for now they won't understand.
    As a rule, I don't discuss my issues with anyone else maybe other than posting in this forum which lets me feel better and pushes harder to find ways to make things better as much as possible. Definitely worries me,how all this is going to impact them. Differences with in-laws are too deep rooted that they can be sorted out and they will hold grudges for the rest of their life and will in turn impact our married life by constantly complaining. Probably will just have to wait it out for them to have no energy to do that anymore.
    Teenagers nowadays see all kinds of relationships, friends parents divorcing, etc. I don't know if they are as emotionally attached to us as we did to our parents.
     
  8. Minion

    Minion Gold IL'ite

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    It is really sad that you have to hang on to this relationship, hope you find a solution that brings happiness to you.
     
  9. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Its sad to know how in-laws issue spoiled your married life. There was another post here on the divorce after 25 yrs due to controlling inlaws. Is it possible for you to go for counseling yourself to vent out all these frustrations. May be that will give clarity on what you want. If you like to continue, why don't you take some efforts. The most important fact is respecting ourselves, if not one will respect us.. You can only control you. Walk away the moment the discussion turns to argument, watch the way you talk and its tone, focus on emotional attractiveness( YouTube videos are there), avoid any discussion on past events or pils. You can save your money,ignore his closeness with his parents. Focus on you and kids, spend time with them. Don't argue or disrespect him in front of kids. If there are any good moments, use that for intimacy. Be cordial and pleasant. Be happy yourself. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. I am sure you might have tried this. But sometimes small changes bring wonders. If nothing works, its going to be tough to live like this. I hope you find peace and happiness yourself. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2020

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